Can Divit : Erkenci Kus aka Early Bird
by FanFictionbyDR
Summary: There's a wonderful Rom-Com Turkish TV show called "Erkenci Kus"/Early Bird/Day Dreamer. It's a very romantic, subtle yet teasing show, very sweet & it's absolutely lovely! No prior knowledge of Turkish or the show is required! Hope you enjoy reading my works! XoXo, DR
1. Author's Note: POV on Can Divit

Author's Note: POV on Can Divit

I started to write FanFic in **December 2018**. I have not written anything before, even when motivated to write, I certainly wasn't _ready_ for it!

Erkenci Kuş is a _random _TV show from Turkey. For supposedly a lighthearted summer rom-com, it surely packs a punch with the main leads & supporting cast, music & literature references, eccentric characters & great plot lines! Oh well... Turkey is where east meets west, there's that appeal and something for everyone!

**Can Divit** and **Sanem Soysa**l played by **Can Yaman **and **Demet Özdemir** are the protagonists, respectively, on the show!

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It took me a **minute **(_on Jupiter_) but there's a _strong_ pattern of why I like whom I like!

Here are **my** (5 + 1) fictional heroes/anti-heroes ::

**Edward Fairfax Rochester from Jane Eyre **

**Captain Frederick Wentworth from Persuasion**

**Dr. Ellie Arroway from Contact**

**Othello **

**Starbuck aka Kara Thrace from Battlestar Galactica (21st Century)**

**Can Divit from Erkenci Kus. **

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I've found these characters very captivating, complex and sort-of a _**cluster-fuck**__... _in each their own unique way!

They have flairs of **genius**: Ellie (actual genius), Wentworth, Starbuck & Othello (war strategy) and Rochester (how to brood?!).

They're **tortured** in some way, self-loathing _loners_, who are unable to love themselves: where do I even **begin**?!

They're **brute savages in private **that look sophisticated in social settings... in varying forms : Rochester takes the cake, Starbuck and Othello a close second and then Wentworth & Ellie.

They're looking for love... in all the wrong places. Even when they meet their **love** and **soulmate**... they can't _accept_ it and are in a full-blown existential crisis! Touché!

Most importantly, they're wanderers & nomads: Rochester (who knows?!), Wentworth (oceans), Othello (wars) and Ellie & Starbuck (space exploration).

**=...=...=...=**

**Why am I writing from Can Divit's POV?**

Let's get the obvious out of the way: he's tall, dark, hot and handsome... that certainly helps!

He grew up an only child, even though he had a brother, in a broken family... his mom abandoned him!

He's brilliant, accomplished, extremely creative, rich and has garnered respect among his peers!

He's self-loathing to the point of destruction, never letting anyone get close to him, he has built such a tough-nut exterior...now he himself has to learn how to crack it!

He's a sophisticated yet brute savage... and he feels one with the wilderness!

He has intimacy issues, hopping on relationships and skating on love... until love finds him!

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**About me : Who **_**am**_** I?**

Dear Friends, Country Men & Women, _**lend **_me your **eyes**!

I started to write FanFic in December 2018. I have not written anything before, even when motivated to write, I certainly wasn't ready for it!

I'm deeply romantic and hence exploring Romance Fiction. As someone with borderline eidetic memory, I'm creating stories from visuals!

I'm an once & former orphan with a difficult childhood and drawing inspiration from personal struggles and life experiences. Themes include gender roles reversals, single parenting, abandonment issues and how it affects ones choices as an adult. I'm an ardent supporter of women (and men) and so that'll always be an underlying theme to my stories.

Now, I'm happily married and that helps with the romance, love and marriage themes I'm exploring writing about relationships.

Combining my romanticism with travel, I've traveled to all 7 continents, ~40 countries and ~200 cities and counting, so exploring travel themes.

I also have a challenging STEM career, read lone warrior woman in technology, and need a creative pursuit!

So, Voilà! Yes, hey you... I _heard _that eye-roll!

**=...=...=...=**

**Favorite Quotes**

"I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way." ― Carl Sagan

"根回し" ― NeMawashi in Japanese

"Fight ONLY the battles that will help WIN the war!" ― Chinese Proverb

"If you can't fight, Negotiate!" ― Chanakya

"The trouble with the rat race is that, even if you win, you're still a rat." ― Lily Tomlin

"It is what it is" ― Erich Fried

"This above all: to thine own self be true" ― William Shakespeare

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes backs it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." ― Richard Bach

"To Travel is to Live" - Hans Christian Andersen

Hope you enjoy reading my work... thanks for spending your time and supporting me!

**Please follow, vote, add to list, comment & provide feedback! **

**XoXo, DR**


	2. Prologue: Who is Can Divit?

**Prologue: Who is Can Divit?**

Can Divit is a 30 year old regally handsome, fabulously rich, extremely charismatic, world famous adventure, lifestyle and wildlife photographer & courageous philanthropist. He's a classic **polymath**: comfortable in the outdoors and nature, an ideas man for the boardroom and definitely built for the bedroom.

Can's spirit animal is the **Albatross**...and very much like it, he's independent, a nomad, carries a burden, stays a serial monogamist, very loyal, graceful and open-minded.

He's traveled all over the world especially to conflict areas like Sri Lanka, Peru, Cambodia & others, spreading awareness on the human conditions and has had a nomadic existence for the past decade or so of his life.

Coming from a broken family, he's lived with his dad for the most part and has a fraught relationship with his mom. He is an adoring older brother to Emre and they share a special bond.

He's a man with few but very close and loyal friends... and he expects the same loyalty and morality from everyone he meets. He sets near impossible standards for someone to become his friend and even more for the one that would be his beloved.

Having rarely experienced the warmth and femininity a mother shares with her child, he's a bit rough around the edges...with a mean temper, can be unreasonable and has an unforgiving nature.

Attached or not, every woman that meets Can wants to be his beloved and some try extra hard to get his attention...and every man wantsto **be** him! He's always been that elusive guy, that ungettable get and someone that is not pinned down easily.

For his personality, looks, charm & manners, he's someone easy to fall in love with...and even with his flaws, he's near **perfect**!

So where is life about to take Can Divit? Does he find love? Does love find him?


	3. Prologue: Who is Sanem Soysal?

**Prologue: Who is Sanem Soysal?**

Sanem Soysal is a 25 year old incredibly beautiful, extremely kindhearted, angel-like innocent, very sweet, bubbly & brilliant young woman.

She's part of an overbearing & loving family that includes her passionate but a bit-crazy mom Mevkibe, hardworking & quieter-by-comparison dad Nihat and equally beautiful older sister, Leyla. Both the daughters live in a joint family with their parents , and a sign of their closeness is that, they have breakfast and dinner together on most days.

Part of Sanem's extended family are her neighbors, close friends, brother and sister, Osman and Ayhan. Osman & Ayhan are parentless... and often Mama & Papa Soyasal step-in as surrogate parents. Having grown up together since they were babies, Sanem and Ayhan are best friends and true partners in crime... oftentimes caught up in silly antics & harmless mischief.

Sanem's **ethos **are steeped in the culture and environment of her neighborhood community (Mahalle). In her lively neighborhood, everyone knows everyone, helps everyone, shares their food, is concerned about each others well-being... and despite being spreaders of innocuous gossip, they bring a sense of comfort & belonging to everyone.

The Soysals are a family of _modest _means and depend on the family run grocery store for their livelihood. They have been able to provide an education for Leyla but couldn't afford the same for Sanem. Their humble grocery store is leveraged in debt to pay for her education and is slowly eating into their profits and prosperity. Thankfully, Leyla is a financial advisor at a marketing agency and is growing in her career.

Since finishing high school, Sanem has been running her family's grocery store along with her parents. She's a young woman of extraordinary, _yet to be discovered_, **brilliance**! She is well-read and fully-versed in philosophy, poetry and literature. She has an **eidetic **memory that helps her retain 100% of everything she reads, views & experiences...very unique and rare!

She's an _aspiring _**romance novelist **in the process of penning her first draft. Adding to all that, is her extraordinary skill in creating **homemade creams and perfume**... for her personal use, derived from exotic wild flowers. To say the least, she's a complex, dynamic woman of multifaceted talents...a _**diamond in the rough**_, waiting to be found and polished, ready to **sparkle & dazzle**!

Always the _dreamer_, Sanem's **goals **in life are to publish her **novel **and travel to the **Galápagos **islands. Keenly, she wishes to see the **Albatross **birds... having idolized them, she's been fascinated by their character traits & remains in awe & admiration of their majestic nature.

But... Sanem has two _real _problems in her life. First, she's really concerned about her family's financial well-being. Second, she'd like to extricate herself from a man, Muzzo, who is hopelessly in love with her, towards whom she has only platonic feelings. Is there a solution akin to two birds with one stone?

Sanem, with her lack of exposure to circumstances and opportunities outside of her neighborhood, has never ventured too far from home... to become independent, gain life experiences or to meet new people. Even in that limited setting, she's terribly uncoordinated, always tripping over things, getting burns, nicks and scratches, bumping her head against objects, you name it... a **magnet for trouble **or trouble _**finds **_her!

For all the romance Sanem has read about and writes in her novel, she has also _**never **_been in **love**..._not even close_!

So where is life about to take Sanem Soysal? What of her goals & aspirations? Will the right man find her quirks, naivete & talents endearing ? Does she, in fact, meet the man of her dreams?

**Author's Note**: Yes, I know her family name is "Aydin" and she's Sanem Aydin... just _go_ with it!


	4. Invisible Fracture:Can & Emre,Oct 1998

** "Invisible Fracture" : Can & Emre Divit, Oct 1998**

"It's my **birthday**...it's my _**birthday**_", Emre shouts excitedly as we get off the school bus. There was a mini celebration and everyone made it special for him by singing "Happy Birthday" in front of the whole school.

I hold onto Emre's hand tightly as we walk the short alleyway to our house. **I love Emre**... he's just started kindergarten this year and I've been teaching him the ropes. He's timid & tiny... and I want to make sure nobody _messes_ with him.

After all... I'm a **big brother **and almost 10 years old. Mom & dad had promised a cake today, a separate cake, for each of us! As we near the house, there are many cars and vans parked outside and our excitement grows by the minute.

..

..

Emre & I run into the house... and into the drawing room to meet our parents. Mom & dad are seated, quietly, across from each other and I run to hug mom as Emre runs to dad. She hugs me back... but something is not right. Her eyes look blotchy and red, as though she had been crying and she looks upset. Before I could form the words to ask a question, she sits me down besides her and holds my face in her hands.

"Can, you're a big boy now...and I love you very much... more than _anyone else_ in this world!"

...

"Do you **understand** what I'm saying?"

I nod my head in agreement...but still unsure of what was going on. She continues.

"Your dad & I are _**not**_ going to be living together in the same house anymore...and we've decided that you will live with your dad... and Emre will come live with me".

..

I hear her words...but I don't understand their meaning...it is all being said & happening _**too**_ _**fast**_. I turn to look at Emre...and it looks like dad told him the same thing and he's started to cry.

..

"Can, my darling, you have to be _**brave**_ now...", she says.

..

..

A few moments pass... and it really dawns on me that my mom is leaving... _without _me. I take a deep breath and try to voice my concerns...but I'm in such a shock that words elude me!

..

..

Next, things happen in slow motion...my mom calls to some men & women in the other room. Now I know that they were her lawyers and movers. People hustle and bustle around us and there is a lot of things being moved, packed, bargained...and it's all a _**blur to me**_.

A few more minutes, hours...I know not, have passed and I sit riveted on the sofa. My mom leans down to kiss me on both cheeks & gives me a strong hug. She motions to Emre...and he slowly walks towards us. I lean in to grab his arm as I don't want to be separated from him...**my little brother**!

..

Emre doesn't want to be caught...but he stops & whispers:

"**I thought dad loved **_**me**_** more than **_**you**_**...**!"

..

..

That was the last time I saw my mom. She went away to Switzerland to make a life of her own. Emre & I met a few times over the years and I missed him terribly. He now speaks French & German fluently, less our mother tongue & English. It was tough communicating with him with all the language barriers... and we slowly grew apart.

..

..

I **hope** one day that we'd be able to bridge the gap, rebuild our bond & become **brothers** again!


	5. Unfamilial: April 2001

**"Unfamilial": Can Divit, April 2001**

My mom has been gone for three years and I have not seen her since that day on Emre's birthday! I haven't seen Emre since then either... and I wonder how big he would've gotten and if he's missing me... did he _really _mean to be so angry at me?

There's an occasional phone call from mom... asking me how I'm doing and she always seems to be preoccupied or busy when she calls me. Even now I ask her if dad and her will get back together and she remains silent. Then I ask her if I can come to see her... and she's silent on that as well!

I can _almost _go to sleep now without crying... and it's very difficult to understand the situation. It's becoming clear to me now that we will not be a family, ever again! I wonder how my life went from being perfect... to this. Our parents have divvied up Emre & I between themselves. How are brothers supposed _to be_ when we're not together? This can't be happening to us... but it is and I feel so lost and unable to fix it!

I have Emin Hanim, our housekeeper and cook who takes care of me... I've never been thirsty or hungry. In fact, I spend so much time on the kitchen island doing homework, I've become her handy helper and she's teaching me to cook. She's a good lady, doesn't talk much but she knows exactly what I like to eat. Ditto for getting ready for school, my clothes are always in order and I'm in a comfortable and clean bedroom. Rifat Bey is her husband and they both live in the servant quarters nearby. He is the one that drives me to school, gets me supplies, takes me to swim, basketball and art classes.

After dinner is finished at 8, they both leave for the day... and that's when I feel the _**silence and stillness**_ of the house. But this home is my castle and sanctuary... and I get relief hanging out on the deck and listening to the voices of Istanbul. I often sit there and sketch for hours on end. On most days, I leave home after they've gone and go the rocks by the bay. The rocks make me feel good... and I often talk to the sea, fish and birds. I make wishes and send messages via the sea to my mom and Emre asking them, willing them to come back to us!

I see dad every few days. He's plunged himself into the work at the agency... oftentimes I can't tell if he is coming home late and leaving early or not home at all. My routine is set: wake up, school, extra curriculars, dinner, alone, rinse and repeat. I did see dad last Sunday at breakfast and he looked a bit stressed and sad. I've not dared to ask him about it... we don't have that type of relationship. We did talk briefly and he asked me how school and other things were progressing... he's seen my report cards I'm sure. I tell him I'm good and he gives me a slap on the back, a hug and leaves for the agency.

..

It's one fine Saturday and Emin Hanim had promised to make me Belgian Waffles. I've woken up, freshened up and get to the kitchen... following the awesome aroma of freshly cooked waffles. _**Surprise**_! Dad is at the kitchen island eating breakfast and we say hello to each other. It's my favorite... Waffles with chocolate syrup and I start gobbling up the waffles. Dad, _out of the blue_, starts a conversation with me.

Dad : Can... listen... I have to tell you something.  
C : I stop mid-chew sensing something is _**wrong **_but listening intently.  
Dad : Your mom has decided to divorce me... and she's getting married to someone else!  
C : I'm shell-shocked to say or ask anything...  
Dad : I'm sorry about this son... but it is what it is, we don't love each other anymore and it's the best for everyone!  
C : ...still shell-shocked to say or ask anything... and processing this new information.

Dad : It's me and you from here onward... we have to **take care of each **other. Okay?  
C : ...still shell-shocked, but I shake my head in agreement!

Dad : And one more thing... mom needs a place to live in Istanbul when she visits... so I'm giving this house to her. We will be moving to a great house closer to the city... with a bigger pool and it has its own basketball and soccer court. You'll love it. Okay?

C : Now...I find my voice. "She wants the house... but _**not **_me?... I don't understand".

As I say the words, I see a fleeting look of desolation and pain on my dad's face. That look stops me stone cold... he looks sad and terribly hurt by what I had just said to him. Note to self: I don't ever want him to have that look _**ever **_again!

C : Okay Dad, we will be fine.

..

Over the next few months, we moved into a beautiful house in the city. Like dad promised, it's big and beautiful. But I don't hear the voices of Istanbul anymore... and the silence is **deafening**!

..

..

When I feel really alone, I runaway to our old house... and hangout onthe deck. _Strange _thing... my mom wanted the house but it's been kept locked up for a few months now. The trees and weeds are starting to grow out... and it's even more beautiful than it was before! Squirrels, cats, dogs and rabbits are living there now... and I like their company!

Oh and... I can't stand Belgian Waffles anymore!

**Author's Note: **This has been a cathartic story for me to write... this is my story. One key difference, my mom died, she didn't make a choice to leave me.


	6. Bond like Lions : June 2003

**"Bond like Lions", Can Divit, June 2003**

It's a new school, a boarding one at that, and I've been packed off here by dad. I hate it... not being in my stomping ground in Istanbul. I have to share my room with three other boys... this sucks, royally! I have to do my own laundry and ironing as well... dad is punishing me, that's for sure!

..  
I'm hanging out at the rocks by the bay, having skipped school, it was a hell of a boring day today! I hate Math so much... it's revolting to me. And I'm told boys don't do art and my focus has been shifted to science. Fuck that, nobody is going to tell me what to do, I'm fifteen years old... and can take care of myself!

I'm feeling braver as I take the puff of cigarette... it's so cool! This is the life... playing video games, smoking cigarettes and hanging out by the bay.

It's late afternoon and I've almost forgotten that I'm being coached in Math and an alarm will be raised if I don't show up. Drat.. this sucks! I drag myself away from the bay and head to the coach's house. It's our old neighborhood and I know everybody there. There's a party going on in Suhan's house and what am I to do but crash it.

I scour the house... and realize that the adults aren't around. So, I head straight for the liquor cabinet. Jackpot, it's open... and full of a some great stash. I open a few bottles and smell them to see what is appealing. The bottle that gets my attention is scotch, says it's 15 years old... wow same age as me, this I got to try. Gulp... urggh...oh wait, this feels warm and burns in a good way, not like watered down beer...this must be the good stuff!

There's a gang playing spin the bottle... and I'm immediately included in the game. It does help that I'm almost 6' tall, playing basketball has helped me, I have a killer tan and almost growing a mustache and beard... something called a 6 o'clock shadow. It's my turn to kiss and be kissed... and the pro that I am, I take her by the hand into the kissing booth. As I enter, I feel my head spinning and the last thing I feel is an ache as my face hits the ground.

..  
I'm coming out of it... and I'm in my bed and I smell awful! I stroll out of my bedroom and see dad in the family room. He's busy talking to someone on the landline and he finishes when he sees me. For the next hour, I'm berated and hammered to the ground... I apparently passed out and bleeding and someone had called the parents in panic! Traitors! Long story short, the scotch made me pass out and I was found with cigarettes in my pocket! Dad made it very clear this I won't be going to the same school anymore. I've now been enrolled in an all boys prep boarding school, read prison.

..  
I watch with trepidation as the other beds in the room fills up - Akif is from Ankara, Metin is from Konya and Velu is from Jaffna in Sri Lanka. We are immediately curious about Velu... me specifically because he looks a lot like Emre; he's tiny for 15, dark skinned and struggling with the language. As we speak to him, we hear his tale of woe : he's a Tamil refuge from Sri Lanka... but with wealthy enough relatives to attend this school. His younger brother has been sent to Paris and his parents are trying to leave Sri Lanka. Wow... I tell myself, another one like me... but his life sound dangerous!

..  
Boarding, I mean bonding, school is THE best thing to happen to me. Over the next few years, we became like four peas in a pod... inseparable, talking, playing, sparring, competing, protecting and learning together. In each their own way, understood me and I understood them. While missing one brother, I got three in return... and the friendships we shared remains constant, to this day.

Not one of us wanted to be here... but now we're brothers for life! Akif is the glue, Metin is the jokester, Velu is the wise one and I am... the dreamer, of course! There was no stillness or silence in our room... no option to brood or self-loathe... that would come later... but the camaraderie I shared with those boys, who became men, is a lifelong bond that sustained and saved me during those awful years!

..  
Akif manages a printing press and I often use his services for my work. Metin is legal counsel for the agency and I see him almost everyday. Velu lives a busy and colorful life in Sri Lanka now and we keep in frequent touch with him.

They set the gold standard for trusting relationships... and there's so much to be said for how much they them positively impacted my life! Bravo!

**Author's Note**: One is cold and calculating while the other is hot and wild... there's a left/right brain contrast between Can & Emre and that leads to completely opposite thinking styles and hence the conflict between them... apart from all of the external factors messing with their life!

Fan Art from/for the book "Running with Lions" and smoking teenager from Tumblr.

A, G & S... you were that for me, I love you girls!

Hope you enjoyed it... please provide feedback and comments!


	7. Moon Embracing the Sun: Jul 2009

**"Moon Embracing the Sun": Can Divit, Jul 2009 ... Jan 2019**

**Can Divit: July 2009**

I had not seen my boarding school bestie Velu in a few years, last was when we graduated high school and went our separate ways to college. Akif and Metin live in Istanbul and it's the good old times when I see them, which is very often as we work together. Velu had moved back to Sri Lanka to be with his family as the Tamil conflict and civil war was drawing to a close and it was safer for him to return. He was the one closest to me in school and he had the most displaced life, more so than any of us. The Internet has made it easy for us of stay connected... but I do miss him terribly!

He was the most supportive and encouraging of my creative pursuits, had great feedback for my past and present sketches and the **one key aspect** he noticed was that I was, still am, **impatient **to finish one and **eager **to start another, the next thing. I'm always shifting goals and switching focus from one thing to another... and pivoting constantly! So he was the one who thought my _**artistic **_energy will be gratified and rewarded with an art form that produces immediate feedback, results and satisfaction : **photography**. At 16, his wisdom would have a profound impact on my life! Them boys pooled their pocket money together to get me my first Nikon... and the rest as they say, is history!

..

I had just graduated college; I've been interning with dad and the agency over the last few years as an apprentice photographer and working on campaigns. Dad was eager for me to join him full time but I had a quick detour in mind. I've seen photos of Sri Lanka and it's a beautiful country. It would be great to see Velu as well and so I ask dad's permission for the trip. Over the past few years, our relationship has matured; he's back to the warm and loving father that I knew and adored as a child... and we now banter like friends. I tower over him in height and size and he tries to forget I'm a grownup who will be ready to leave him, soon! He begrudgingly agrees to let me go but the condition is that I fund the trip on my own. Sounds Fair!

..

I arrive in Colombo in the morning and get on a 3 hour bus ride to Velu's hometown of Puttalam, 150 km north of the city. It's afternoon when I reach the area and hear a lot of commotion and fanfare outside the bus station. As I get down from the bus, I'm searching for that familiar face in the crowd... and I find him! He's running towards me, eager and his face beaming with a smile, flower garland in hand! We laugh, cry & hug each other in turns... ahhh, we've missed each other! It turns out, his entire clan had come to welcome me to their town! It was his turn to play host to me... and they're such gracious and magnanimous hosts!

..

Time stood still between us... and we caught up on each others lives... mine had been pretty sober compared to his life. He's now a young and upcoming political leader, at 21, of the Tamil National Alliance (TNA) party that is proposing and executing a peaceful solution post the civil war between the Sri Lankans and the ethnic Tamils. Wow... my wise friend is the activist and renegade leading the charge for the next generation!

..

What I observe for the next few days is heart wrenching - so many children and sibling pairs have been orphaned by the conflict, with parents dead, older siblings taking care of younger ones and in such dire conditions! They're refugees in their own land... and struggling to gain access to basic necessities like clean water, a school and a safe home to live!

..

Living there a few days in relative comfort and observing them, a fire has been lit inside me! The camera that I brought along with me for tourism now became the instrument of capturing their lives. Talking and being with Velu always gave me clarity and this was no different! I felt like a new man, a man with a purpose, I'm going to help those that can't help themselves via my creativity and art! So, impromptu, I start cataloging their life as a photo documentary... capturing the faces and their stories. The goal was to build awareness about their condition and funnel some much needed funding from within the Sri Lankan government, nearby India and other countries.

..

The _**savage**_ that I am never goes to rest... and so in between the photography, I also found time to Kite Surf around the Puttalam Lagoon, known for its bracing winds and strong currents.

In the waters of the lagoon, on one such trip, I catch a strong wind and get knocked off the kite. I land in the shallow waters against some very sharp rocks and stones. The pain is sharp and debilitating, I'm bleeding profusely in the water and pass out.

**Velu**

The kite guide and crew take immediate action and rush Can to the ER. I get called immediately as everyone in the vicinity knows that Can is my dear friend. The next few days are touch and go for Can! He is hardly lucid and unable to breathe very well. The doctors says he's cracked a few ribs and punctured his right lung...and it's filling with fluids and has given him 48 hours to recover! I can't believe I let him do this _**under my watch**_...! Oh my dear dear friend! I'm not losing hope yet...!

..

I rush to find Amma, our spiritual leader & sage as she'll know what to do to help him! Similar to the Turks and their belief in the Nazar, I'm hoping she's able to conjure all the cosmic energy in the world to save him!

..

..

Amma has been with Can for the last 4 days, doing her spiritual ceremonies... and he's improving by the hour... and slowly inching and out of danger! She's not left his side... almost sharing her spiritual strength and magic of her hands, crystals and blessings with him. I've told her **anything** for Can, _**dear**_ Can!

..

..

**Can Divit**

An incessant beeping wakes me up... and I'm in strange surroundings. A few seconds later, I realize I'm in the hospital, hooked up to a lot of machines, oh the kite accident. I moan... and an old lady, who was probably seated on the floor, next to my bed rises to greet me. For a second I think I'm seeing a white haired angel... she's got a _**halo**_ around her like she's made of light! Wow... who is this I wondered?!

..

..

It appears that I was in a near-death accident, the doctor says that I have to rest for the next few weeks.

..

Amma has not left my side for the last month or so and she's been hovering like a guardian angel. She's a mystic and shaman of sorts... and works with stones and crystals and believes in the energy they bring to us. As soon as I wake up, she gives me two **Meetiyagoda moonstones**, urges me to always have them with me... and explains their meaning : the stones, white and black hold the ethereal light of the moon in solid form and represent the light and dark side of the moon. They're also indicative of human nature i.e. good and bad within the same person... and how when someone loves you, they're able to see, **accept** _and_ **embrace** all of you! Wow... Amma is intuitive indeed... and she adds that they're also a protective amulet of and for travelers!

These moonstones have been a good luck charm... helped me navigate awful weather, identify bad people, relinquish contentious energies and been with me to save and protect me from the perils of the world! I just loving playing with them...they help me think, focus and meditate! **To me, they're priceless, invaluable and irreplaceable! **

..

..

**Can Divit: January 2019**

Sanem once asked me about the moonstones while she crashed my jungle camp. I _really_ told her the meaning behind the stones and she was touched and said "So beautiful". **She is**!

It felt ominous when the stones fell and broke... from her hands nonetheless! Is it a bad sign? She's a klutz, she's broken a vintage camera as well in the past & I was able to fix it... so no big deal, right?! She's going to drop other things of ours and break them in the future... its a lifelong thing that I have to experience and cherish!

Wow, **lifelong**! That's what I want it to be... with her! I'm so much in love with this girl... I can breathe only to inhale her essence!

_**Oh wait a minute**_... the stone _that_ broke is the **light** one that represents the **ethereal** light of the moon! That stone represents my best side, the one that shines brightest when I'm with her and it makes sense that I'd share that part of me with her... the joy that **multiplies! **

**Nirvana! **

My beloved Sanem doesn't value expensive things... so a _statement_ engagement ring is not for her. What better engagement ring than the moonstones that are **priceless, invaluable and irreplaceable**, and she is **all that** and much much more, **to me**! Now I know that the stones were meant to fragment... into perfect _**TWO**_ pieces, one for her & one for me!

**Author's Note**: I **loved** writing the story behind the moonstones... they're real and exotic and found in Sri Lanka! **Engagement**... whooohoooo!

The Sri Lankan Tamil conflict and civil war is also very real. The conflict ended in 2009 and the ethnic Tamils have been regrouping and returning home.

PS: I can't (don't want to more like) decide who is the sun and who is the moon... they're both interchangeable depending on the context... and I liked keeping it nebulous!

Hope you enjoyed it...please provide feedback and comments.


	8. Bun, Beard, Bling & Buff : Aug 2009

** "Bun, Beard, Bling & Buff" : Can Divit, August 2009**

I'm back from Sri Lanka, and despite the accident, I have a new sense of purpose and plan to pursue my art and how to spend my life!

..

While I was at the hospital recuperating for a month, I had let two things happen - my hair is a bit longer and my mustache and beard have grown out... Velu joked that I look like a cross between a **bear and a lion**, how apropos!

I've always been in good physical shape playing basketball, but the almost two month long illness took a toll on me. So, as soon as I returned home, I started to hit the gym to build endurance and core strength with weights, swimming laps and learning to box... the _buffness_ is just a _side_ effect!

..

..

Even though I was unsure about the moonstones and their magic... _since_ having them, I have tremendously changed my opinion, thanks to them, I suppose! When I hold the stones, I feel **focused and enlightened**... be it their energy or adularescence , they _**call**_ to me, somehow!

I start to research the meanings behind gemstones, crystals, metals, lava rocks, etc. Never one to wear much jewelry in the past, I feel a bit empowered wearing necklaces, wrist cuffs and rings made with those materials. I like the touch of silver on my skin and fidgeting with the metal and leather cuffs...they channel my impatience!

I _usually_ dress in a lot of neutrals, black, white, grays, browns, blues and greens... and so for a pop of color, I start wearing bandanas around my neck, ankles or forearms... it creates a bit of a feminine touch as though I've been dressed by a woman, _strange_!

The beard makes me look **manly** and grownup... and having long hair makes me feel wiser than my years, it's a sort of defense mechanism making me look rugged and a bit distant!

Each accessory I buy holds special meaning to me... and wearing them is giving me new ideas, a creative outlet and defining my energy! Some of my favorite pieces are the silver **albatross** **necklace** and the **albatross onyx ring** that I wear on my pinkie finger! They've sort of become my signature pieces and I mix and match with others depending on my mood.

..

..

My dad comments on my changing appearance in jest... and asks me if I'm on some penance or wish fulfillment or it was another rebellious move on my part. I assure him it's all of the above... and he looks at me _proudly_ and says that he loves the **metamorphosis**, cocoon to butterfly, as he put it!

..

..

If art is about self-expression, I'm expressing a lot with my _appearance_, this is the new me... and I'm starting to look like the **brute savage** that I feel on the _inside_!

**Author's Note**: Asli of Parlak Styling & Can dreamt up the look for Can Divit and Can Yaman _**SO**_ owns it... and us! Apparently he broke the Internet in Turkey for the launch of Erkenci Kus!

Thank you for reading until here... pls vote (if you liked it) and comment (if you really liked or disliked it). It helps me get better and write for the audience!


	9. Imprint: November 2013

** "Imprint": Can Divit, November 2013**

As sunlight diffuses into the room, I wake up and prop myself onto the pillow, swing out of bed and walk to the patio.

I've been here in the **Galápagos** Islands for 2 months now. "**Wow**!"... the Pacific Ocean is at my doorstep I can see endlessly into the vast horizon.

The Galapagos Conservatory Trust (GCT) had rung me a few months ago with an offer I couldn't refuse.

The deal was that I'd get to stay in the fabulous guest house, owned by the trust, overlooking the ocean and provide my photography services, for _free_ of of course, as they were strapped for funds. Exactly my kind of _**kindred spirits**_! The project involved taking photographs, cataloguing and doing PR work for the endangered species on the islands especially the **Albatrosses** that nest on the islands.

For an adrenaline and adventure junkie like myself, getting to spend time on a boat in the middle of the South Pacific Ocean, is the best! Added to that, I'm the artist among fellow geeks i.e. a marine biologist, captain/guide, an ornithologist and co-captain. So we've been around the islands... days on end, doing exactly that - exploring, capturing and documenting the fauna.

But all this time has passed, and I've photographed the giant tortoises, blue foot boobies, frigates and millions of iguanas, but _**no Albatross in sight**_!

My wandering mind is interrupted by the sounds of ruffling in the room. Ah, Susanne is waking up and collecting her things. She pauses, gives me a flying kiss and waves goodbye to me. Susanne and I have been seeing each other for a month or so. By _seeing _I mean, we're both here temporarily (she's teaching English at the school for 6 months), both of us have the need for sex but not the intimacy, want to feel the warmth of another human being and not be alone on some nights. I'm beginning to think she's sleeping with me also because she doesn't want to sleep in the dump that is her hostel room which she shares with 3 others roommates.. so it works as a great no-strings arrangement!

Days are seeping into nights... as I'm getting impatient to see the formidable yet elusive Albatross. My thoughts are interrupted again by the ringing of the phone. It's _**great**_ news - some Albatross have been spotted between Isla Isabela & Espanola... and we are on for a 3-4 days boat trip. I do the customary and scheduled check-in with dad, telling him I'll be out of contact for a few days, pack my gear in record time and head to the docks.

2 days have past... and still no sightings and we head onto the farthest island of Espanola. We see land ahead, the sun is shining brightly, winds are nominal, clear blue skies and endless ocean stretched ahead of us.

Suddenly, I hear a loud "_**Whooshhhhh**_"...and this massive bird flies past me, really close to my head, knocking all of my 220 lbs on my _ass_. By the time I regain my footing, steady myself and the camera, I see the lone Albatross ready to make another pass at me. I crouch on the deck... unsure whether to take photos or find cover. But the bird slows down... and perches on the rail of the boat literally inches from me. This was a _**close encounter **_I wasn't prepared for... as I've not read that they interact with humans!

It felt like he or she needed a _rest_...and in that moment we make direct eye contact. That Albatross was eager but alone, not lonely but searching for a mate. I felt like it was saying to me "You're _**OKAY**_, it'll be OKAY..._**Share**_ your burdens with me!"

My world comes to a standstill, Time resets...and starts again! I could sense it's whole spirit and energy... as though we were sharing and baring our souls. _**Ten**_ seconds felt like a lifetime, that's all we had together...before the bird takes flight!

Reality rushes in ...and I start clicking photos and it's hovering as though giving me a pose. I take some, what would become, breathtaking shots. Later on I find out, those photos were auctioned off by the GCT at charity and garnered a lot of funds, success!

I'm shaken, stirred and rejuvenated by that meeting... and while reviewing the photos, realize that the bird had been tagged with an ID. That means scientists and researchers are tracking its movements and life, how exciting... and I am excited to find out more!

My boat mates are dubious and only believe me after seeing the photos... that in fact I've seen an Albatross. Everyone commented on its interesting, strange and unheard of behavior. We explore more... but no more albatross, and head back to Puerto Ayora.

The next two days on the boat, with limited paper and a sharpie, I sketch the details of the bird from memory... and it is easy because the bird had imprinted on me! It had revealed true north figuratively and existentially... deep and forever!

Upon returning to port, I stopped for a quick drink & wifi at the Bongo bar. I quickly email , the seabird trackers, a photo of the Albatross requesting more information. My phone is online and is syncing all that I missed for the past few days.

I have a single voicemail and a few text messages from friends & Emre. Ahh...my dad had left me a message wishing me on my birthday a few days ago. I almost forgot, I had turned _**25 years old**_...a _quarter_ century on this planet!

As it hits me...I realize my meeting with the Albatross was on my _**birthday**_ \- did that have any special meaning ? Was that a spiritual message of some nature? Now I'm even more intrigued and impatient!

I'm getting ready to leave & Susanne walks into the bar with her friends. A brief hug...and she asks if we can meetup later. I gently and very kindly tell her that I'm busy and walk away... knowing that it's over between us!

As I'm walking towards the door, a ping alerts me to a new email. That was _**quick**_ \- it's a famous Albatross apparently! _Her_ name is "Wisdom", with a wingspan of 6', she was at least 60 years old and was in between mates. Story was that she was last seen with a mate nesting in 2010 and it appears he had died the following year. Conventional wisdom suggested that she was still mourning him and exploring the world...and if I may add my own commentary, discovering herself!

Oh well...this was the best & most positive encounter I've had with a _**woman**_ in a long time! Her imprint, my sketch, my reset, all of it suddenly took on _**new**_ meaning to me.

On my walk back to the guest house...I find a tattoo parlor and new inspiration hits me. I want to document & catalogue _my_ experience, forever...and my _**body becomes my canvas**_!

**Author Notes:** Photos of Galapagos & the Albatross are my own taken in Galapagos and the South Pacific Ocean.

Wisdom & her mate Akeakamai are real, she's the oldest documented bird and she recently laid an egg, 40+ and counting.

Galapagos Conservation Trust : .uk/wildlife/waved-albatross/

Wisdom weds Akeakamai: 2018/12/07/674481057/wisdom-the-albatross-worlds-oldest-wild-bird-lays-another-egg


	10. Sense of Mahalle: September 2014

**"Sense of Mahalle": Can Divit, September 2014**

**Author's Note: Mahalle means community or neighborhood **

**...**

Dad & I are having drinks with an acquaintance of ours, an investment banker. He went on and on... _and on_ about how successful he was in investing in gold in the early 2010's. "I made a killing" he says arrogantly... as gold prices skyrocketed _360%! _Dad was helping along the conversation... I was physically present and mentally absent but suddenly, something he said caught my attention. They were mining gold in the rain forests of the Amazon... and apparently, the indigenous locals were giving them a _**hard**_ time!

A quick Google search, after I get home... I become a **rebel with a cause**!?

...

It took three flights (Istanbul-Madrid-Lima-Iquitos) and two days on a boat to reach the landlocked village of Isla Payorote. The indigenous **Yagua **tribes live deep in the rain forests and on the banks of the Marañón which merges with the Ucayali to become the mighty Amazon river.

The gold mining industry wasn't regulated in Peru. Therefore, gold mining is rapidly deforesting the Amazonian rain forests. The 30000 miners in the area brought diseases such as measles, tuberculosis, influenza and malaria and the tribes are not exposed to them. So along with the rain forest, the people are also dying at a rapid rate!

There is a small contingent of foreigners living among the tribesmen in makeshift huts and boathouses: a doctor, a couple of nurses, a Spanish translator/teacher, an environmental activist and a documentary film maker.

I've been living here for about a week and the Yagua tribesman have been cautiously welcoming of strangers like me. With the help of the translator, I tried to explain the idea I had to help them.

Along with my camera kit & Mac, I had bought with me 10 digital cameras with extra batteries, thank God! The plan was to teach them to take photos of their everyday lives, things that make them _them, _and build human interest stories around them, through them, for them and by them.

...

They're indigenous _**for a reason **_\- they don't have plumbing, electricity or any motorized equipment. They grow vegetables and harvest grains, hunt in the forest and fish in the river. Their approach to dinner is communal i.e. bring grains, vegetables and meats to a common kitchen, prepare the meal and everyone shares it equally!

In the truest sense, they're disconnected from the modern world! Only a few men have ventured to the nearby town of Iquitos; they couldn't survive because they knew only Quechua and not Spanish.

They have no currency only a bartering system, no phone, Internet, alcohol, soda or bread... and the food is wild caught, organic and fresh as it can be... so tasty and delightful!

**Imagine **_this_ : most of them haven't even seen a bicycle, a digital camera is **witchcraft **to them. So it takes a few days to convince them that it's safe to use. Interestingly, the children and young adults took to the technology immediately and wanted to play with it. Within a few days, the myth wore off and the elders started to adopt the technology!

...

I'm getting into the rhythm of things : wake up at sunrise, freshen up in the river, work in the fields or go fishing (I can't kill animals), back by sundown, communal dinner, folk music and dance, process the photographs of the day, sleep under the stars... listening to the sounds of the night!

...

As they've gotten familiar with me, I've taken to sleeping in the hammocks made from palm fiber on most days within the **maloca** (community).

An _interesting_ distraction I have is a young girl of 14 or 15, named **Tica**, meaning flower. After the first few days, I notice that she's following me everywhere. She's at every corner I turn, sits next to me at dinner, helps me in the fields, waits for me to return from the fishing and is waiting nearby when I wake up.

After being bitten by a poisonous spider in the forest, I was in pain and barely lucid for about two days. The tribal cure was to cut open the skin to let out the poison and the doctor had patched me up afterwards. Tica was my nurse and caretaker during this time... never leaving my side and tending to my needs. It doesn't take a **genius **to know that she has a _massive_ crush on me!

In order to not hurt her feelings, I mildly indulge her. It's harmless to me... I get her flowers, take her photos, we eat together and usually I wave her goodnight before going to bed. Seeing that I wear jewelry, she makes me some pieces using shells and seeds.

One of the nurses _cautions _me about getting too close to her... and I think it's weird because she's just a child in my eyes! _**Apparently, **_Yagua girls are married when they're 14 or 15. To prevent inbreeding issues, they invite suitors from outside the clan, and the man comes to live at the home of his _prospective_ wife as part of her family. If the girl gets pregnant during this time, the couple returns to the man's family and are considered **officially** 'married'.

Stunned... I look at Tica in a completely different light! To her, I'm _**that **_guy, someone from outside the clan, come to live with them, part of their family and a potential husband for her! _**Oh holy hell**_... this is not something I knew and wasn't expecting this kind of attention!

...

As my stay nears two months, I realize it is **time to leave**... to _actually _tell the human interest stories. For that, I need media and modern technology to do them justice! On an aside note, the photos that were taken became a sensation. The biggest achievement was that Peru & Colombia implemented heavy regulations and restrictions for gold mining in the area.

...

Even though they were skeptical of me at first, they've embraced me as part of the clan... they've shared their everyday bread with me, included me in their lives, cared for my well being, looked after me, kept me safe and protected me from the dangers of the Amazon rain forest, in every sense of the word!

I take my leave from the tribe chieftain, a man of about 60. To this day, I _**can't **_tell which of the men and women were his _actual _children. He is their leader... and he cared for and loved everyone equally! Their sense of family and community is not something that I've ever seen anywhere... and it's very **noble and noteworthy**! I'm almost envious of how the women mothered their children while the men played protectors! They were more socially conscious, family focused, community driven and empathetic than most of the modern cultures that I've witnessed... and it's a miracle to experience!

I have had an **unforgettable** time with the tribe and I've yearned for that sense of **mahalle** (community) since meeting the Yagua!

Tica is devastated and terribly sad to see me go; I give her a hug and a kiss on both cheeks. I tell her "Huq ratukama" (see you later) and "Hina kachun!" (good luck)!

**...**

**Author's Note:** Can Divit describes this experience in Peru in Erkenci Kus #22 during a conversation with Ceyda when she finds the photo of him in the forest.

**FYI: Mahalle** in Turkish and **Maloca** in Quechua, both mean **Community**!

**More FYI: **Mahalle (Arabic), maḥallä (Persian), maḥallä (Arabic) , mahallë or mëhallë (**Albanian**), махала (Bulgarian), μαχαλάς (Greek), mahallā (Bengali), mōhallā (Hindi), Məhəllə (Urdu), mëhallë (Azerbaijani).

DH & I went on an Amazon River cruise in Peru... and I was blown away when Can Divit mentioned the Yagua tribe. Below are some photos of the real tribe and the beautiful rain forests and river!

Thank you for reading until here... pls vote (if you liked it) and comment (if you really liked or disliked it). It helps me get better and write for the audience! Hope you enjoyed this far! Please vote for sure... do provide good & constructive comments and feedback!


	11. Wrecked and Found : May 2016

I've sailed from the Swedish island of Visby, with a fishing boat and crew to photograph and explore the lifestyles of the fisherman. It's extremely cold, rough and tumultuous on the Baltic Sea. The Baltic sea is unique in that it's a mix of fresh and saltwater and thereby creates an unique ecosystem of unexplained calm and then sudden storms.

..  
Two days into a five day trip, we are all exhausted and I'm part of the crew as there can be nobody on board as a "guest". Everyone plays a part... and I see how those men work in order to provide a livelihood. It's very humbling that I have a privileged life back home!

..  
We scramble to reach a nearby shore as we get caught up in a sudden and unpredictable **cat-3 storm.** The storm rages on for a few hours as our boat tosses and tumbles, at least we're closer to shore. But unfortunately we hit some rocks and we're boat wrecked... but incredibly lucky to be able to float and swim towards land nearby! I've lost everything - backpack, my gear, all of my worldly possessions and _escaped near death__, _withjust the clothes of my backand myluckycharms_, _the_ moonstones. _All that working out and endurance training were put to the test in the two hours that I had to tread the bone-crushing cold water!

As we near shore, it's twilight, and we see a few villagers in the shore (we know not where we've drifted) waiting for us with lights and blankets.

**Rescued**! On land but exhausted to my bones...I'm barely lucid. I sense that I'm being carried by all fours, then loaded onto a cart and then I pass out feeling very warm and comfortable.

Bright sunlight hits my face... and I wake up and scan my surroundings. I'm in a small room in a cozy bed layered with blankets, lit fireplace, water in a jug on the floor and a wooden stool nearby.

"Merhaba"... I moan. A little old lady with a kind face leans down to me and feels my forehead.

"Bene" she says in Italian and waves to a man, presumably her husband. He helps me sit up... and assesses my condition. All limbs in tact, nothing broken, hot fever, heavily sore throat and severe body ache and pain... I've **survived** it seems!

But my throat hurts so much that I can't speak... and sign as much to them. The lady hands me a bowl of soup and it smells amazing! Now I realize I'm really super hungry... and start gulping down the soup like a maniac. Dog tired again, I fall back asleep under the watchful eye of the little lady.

..

My mind is wandering... I'm hallucinating about a woman that is walking ahead of me. I reach for her but I'm unable to catch her, I call out and she can't hear me. She slowly vanishes...and I feel lost. Suddenly I wake up and I'm sweating off a fever. I know not how many days... but it's the same routine: soup, sleep, hallucinate, wakeup and again...!

..

..

After a few days, I'm strong enough to walk and start to explore my situation. I've landed on an island, Saaremaa in Estonia... on the other side of the coast from Sweden. It's an island with quaint fishing villages set against the backdrop of the Baltic Sea. The couple that have taken me in are a fisherman and his wife, they have a little shack and some animals on the farm.

They've been kind enough to share it with a stranger... so great is their empathy and generosity, I also realize that we don't understand each other's language. I've been communicating with them via signs and nothing seems to be lost in translation!

They're really old and it appears their children have left for greener pastures. As I get my strength back, I start to help out in the farm, doing odd jobs of fixing the broken things in the house and helping him haul the fish to the market. Since I have no gear, I'm wearing their hand me downs, old clothes that fit oddly... and trade fish to buy paper and pencil to sketch subjects, some aspirin and a compass.

The evenings are spent helping her cook a meal. She's a phenomenal cook and makes the worlds best grilled fish and hearty stews. Then we light the fireplace to keep warm and just spend time, mostly in silence, waiting for sleep. They seem to be in no hurry to get rid of me and I'm in no rush to leave them!

What **_surprises_** me about them is the tender loving care, animated body language, love and affection they have for each other. Like two magnets moving in tandem... they're always in sync and in perfect harmony...yet very salt of the earth in characteristics ! I'm **_lost and found_**... but almost don't want to be found, living in paradise with Adam and Eve incarnates. If I could use a food analogy, their love feels like melted warm chocolate and caramel dipped in strawberries!

It's been a month since I was boatwrecked... and it appears that reality caught up to me, alas! Dad had become worried when I didn't check in at my usual time and literally sent out a search party. Representatives from Kuressaare showed up at my doorstep and I assure them I'm okay. A quick sat-phone call to dad and I could hear his immense relief at finding me safe. He simply asks me to get home as soon as I can, he misses me. I'm sad to go, _really_... and they feel sadness at parting from me. How could we become so dear to each other so quickly?!

I agree to stay on another day and we proceed with our usual routine. As we are preparing dinner, the old man suddenly clutches his chest and collapses on the floor. My instincts kick into high gear... I could tell he's having a heart attack and going into cardiac arrest. I give him a couple of aspirins to take... and start to perform CPR. The lady had sounded the alarm with the neighbors and the village physician rushes to us. The community rallies and he's quickly taken on a boat to the nearby hospital. An hour later and he's getting the best treatment the area could offer. He's a well loved man in the community and everyone sought his well-being.

..

..

He is resting, tired but doing well... and the little lady wouldn't leave his side. The doctor who spoke broken English tells me my CPR and aspirins probably saved his life! **Wow... talk about a full circle moment**!

A day delayed, but I am hugely relieved that he is well... and prepare to leave for home. I come to the hospital to say my goodbyes. **Luule,** that's her name, gives me the tightest, warmest and most endearing hug and motions me to sit down for 5 minutes.

I understand only a few words she says... so this is what I comprehend. From a little pouch on her hip, she gives me a Baltic Amber Stone. As I take it, she brings it close to my heart and holds it's there and says "**_amore mio al tuo_**", meaning "from my sweetheart to yours"! I have tears in my eyes and the feeling of **_loss_** I have at that moment is indescribable!

For the first time in a long time, I feel a **vacuum**, a hole in my heart... and I realize I'm **missing** a love that I've **never** even experienced in life!

**Author's Note:**

The mystic Baltic Amber Stone is old, very old, energy and comes the accumulated wisdom of the earth and its natural ecosystem. It brings calm, peace and magical harmony to those who wear them. More - amber-gemstone-jewelry-for-you-1274601

Image sources:

I do a lot of background research and travel anecdotes around my stories. Please provide feedback & comments. Thanks a ton!

Thanks for reading until here == **Pls comment** (if you **like** or _dislike_). As always, I'm thankful for your**time and support**!

XoXo, DR 😍🙏 💕


	12. Ex-MissFit: June 2016

In his eagerness to get me home, dad had reserved me on a flight from Tallinn to Istanbul. _**Whoa**_, I'm in first class... it means I should brace myself to be grounded and in a world of trouble. That's dad's brand of tough love... **nailing me with a velvet hammer**, figuratively of course! I have a whole lot of explaining to do as to why I didn't contact him after being boat wrecked and lost. Fair enough, he would've been worried sick... I was wrong in doing that to him.

I take my aisle seat and stretch comfortably... and order a scotch on the rocks. Fellow passengers are starting to take their seats and I see a pair of stunning legs standing next to me. Still ogling her legs, I only hear her ask to be excused so she can take the seat by the window. My gentlemanly instincts kick in and I stand up, even though I didn't have to, and let her pass. She's as tall as me, wearing killer heels, her dirty blonde hair in a pony tail, impeccably dressed almost like a model, Caucasian or Turk I can't tell!

When she settles, _now_ I look at her face and ask her if she'd like to get a drink. **Duh**! She smiles and says she can get her own. Suddenly something seems very familiar about her face and smile... like I've seen her before...and it's like she's having the same thoughts as me.

"Have we met before?" I ask her... and yet again it sounds like a pickup line. So I clarify "No, not that... you look very familiar! I'm Can Divit from Istanbul... and you are?" She shouts excitedly "**CAN**... really? I'm **Polen**... **Ashcroft**, we used to be neighbors in Istanbul when we were young... do you remember?" Awww shucks, Polen, I do remember her... she was about my age, half-British, used to be tall, lanky and a bookworm, she coached me in Math. I acknowledge that I do remember her and she reaches out to kiss me on both cheeks.

..

Over the next 3 hours, we both get reacquainted with each other. A few years ago her dad had passed away and her mom had moved back to Istanbul from London; her mom lives in the old neighborhood where our parents, Emre & I used to live as a family. She's a Physicist, a nerd and still a bookworm, and shuttles between London and Istanbul. I tell her about my adult life, travels, photography, and what not.

We both talk about growing out of our awkward teenager phases and I compliment her on... umm, _growing_ into things! She reciprocates the compliment and touches my arm with a sense of familiarity.

...

I don't know how... but we wander into the subject of family and relationships. Our parents were friends before mine broke up... and apparently that had an impact on her family as well. Our moms were friends and confidants and they missed each other's company. It appears that the women reconnected a few years later in Europe, I obviously had no idea! _Unasked_, she tells me that she saw my mom not two weeks ago... and that she is well and always talking about me! "**Stop.**" I tell her firmly... and she realizes she's crossed a line! We are silent for a few minutes and pretend to enjoy our drinks.  
..

..

As a way of lightening the mood between us, she pulls me back into a conversation. She asks me if I remember us playing a game of spin the bottle when we were about 15. I guffaw and tell her I remember playing it a few times... but don't remember any bookworms doing it! She says that she remembers a time when we where playing together and it was in fact our turn to kiss each other. But I had a bit too much to drink and had passed out in the kissing booth! No wonder I don't have any memory of it... and I apologize to her. She surprises me with "I had a **huge crush** on you... wanted to kiss you badly!" I am _speechless_, I had no idea!

Yet again, unasked, she tells me she's single and but then proceeds to ask about me. I think about **Luule's** words and own up to the fact I am _single_... but hold back the fact I'm _**unsure**_ if I'm **available**!

"I'll take that drink now... " she says with a smile!

..

My dad is apoplectic with anger and berates me heavily... for what feels like an hour! He did raise me, I'm a product of his love and care... but I think he fears that I'm more like my mom than either of us cares to admit, _**alas**_! I capitulate to all his demands and try to pacify him as best and I can... and get up to leave the scene. He yells at me and asks me where I'm going when I had just got back home. I tell him I'm having drinks and dinner with Polen. His raises an eyebrow and his eyes grow large in surprise. He remembers Polen and apparently had met her mom recently at a charity event. Well, what'd you know, both oldies had conspired to set us up on a date! Without words, its very clear to me, he's so glad that we met each other on own... and he thinks she's a perfect match for me!

...

...

Polen and I have a great evening together... and a few more!

..

...

She's nearly perfect... a bit too perfect. She's cool and calm, smart and sophisticated, and more importantly friendly and loyal, one could do worse! She's ready, available, and makes it absolutely clear that she's _mine_ if I want her.

...

We have a _great_ relationship... a **long distance** one! She's unwilling to move to Istanbul and me to London. She has a great career, one that she had to break a lot of glass ceilings to attain, and so that's her first priority. What can I say of my priorities? I just don't want to be tied up or down! It suits us... neither of us is in a rush or wanting to settle down, we're committed but free, we are there for each other... she's more like a girl friend _with_ benefits!

Being _with_ Polen, takes me off the market and I don't have to incessantly explain myself to wanting suitors or curious family, ditto for her. I'm okay with the space _and_ distance between us... I do live my life unscheduled and with nobody having any expectations of or from me.

Fact is, we both _**can live without**_ each other!

...

..

Could she be the one? Hmmm..!

**Author's Note: **I think apathy & indifference ends more relationships than infidelity, jealousy or money troubles! Can's definitely both with Polen. When she realizes she could lose him, she's ready to make some major life changes for him. Reality is, she never _had_ him!


	13. Bébé : March 2017, Can & Couple

**Author's Note**: **C'est la vie**...**Go **with it!

I've been in Istanbul, _home_, for 3 months... and a familiar ennui is creeping into my psyche. It's that feeling of wanting to get away... be one with nature and bathe in the wilderness. So, I get in the truck and start to drive. I have camping, fishing and survival gear always on the go... and as the road leads me, a few hours later, I end up in Iznik Lake.

...

Two days of fishing and camping can renew _any _man, but even though it was incredible, I only feel mildly sated by the outing.

On the way back, I stop at this beautiful & quaint restaurant on the banks of the lake for some brunch. It's small, crowded and the tables are setup really close together... but the place smells amazing and makes me really hungry.

I order my meal and idly stare into the horizon. A couple is being seated in the table next to me. Being so close together, we can't escape eye contact, so I give them a mild smile and a cursory hello. The woman is gorgeous and the man looks _**oddly**_ familiar.

..

Over the next few minutes, I can't help but overhear their conversation.

..

Him: "I'm so glad you came here...", he's **beaming**!

Her: "Actually, there are many things I want to do here... but I have to be back at the restaurant", she _sighs_.

Him: "We'll come again... and bring B next time", he's **excited! **

Her: "And visit our olive tree, pick nuts and mushrooms... get lost again and shack up in the hut"... she's _**blushing**_ red.

Him: "Our **Love Hut**!" , he clarifies with a face-splitting **smile**!

I wonder what _**that **_story is about... hmmm!

Her: "Let me not ruin the moment, but we have to leave soon...".

Him: "As you wish, **Baby**!"

The way he calls her "**Baby**" sounds like he's attained _**Nirvana**_!

I can't speak for her... I _fucking_ **melt** at the caressing, endearing, beguiling and seductive way he called her "Baby" ... **Wow**!

Her: "**Baby**?!" she's surprised at his words!

Oh but _why_?

Him: "**My Love, My Life, My Beautiful Wife**"... he reaches for her hand and holds hers in his... so full of love!

_**Ahh**_... newly weds! I have to look away... I don't want to intrude on their intimate moment and I don't want to embarrass myself if I'm caught spying them!

But the truth is, that moment that he was having with her made my heart race, made me warm and fuzzy and I'm extremely jealous of him... but in a good way!

...

It's just then I have an _abrupt_ realization that I've never been in love, never felt connected to anyone like that and never shared an intimate moment with another human being! I've not called anyone "baby" or told them I love them... sad, but true... is that what I'm _missing_? Is that what is causing the ennui? Hmm... would I be able to **be** _that_ guy for _that_ girl? Only time will tell but I need to find something meaningful to do with myself, **bientôt**!

..

..

..

And then it **happened...** the most perfect and divine moment for _**me**_ to say it to _**her**_ :

"Bonne Chance **Bébé**"

...

**Unidentified Couple : Nazli & Ferit Aslan from "Dolunay" **

**Author's Note**: I thought it'd be fun to attempt a crossover between **Ferit Aslan & Can Divit! **

Hope you enjoyed it! Please vote, provide comments & feedback!


	14. Carpe Diem!: January 2018

**Author's Note:** Ever since the first episode of EK, I've always wondered about that kiss on the balcony. Can is so _sober_ towards Polen and they had _zero_ chemistry on the the show! So what possessed or triggered Can Divit to kiss her _**that**_ night?

If you're wondering who Albatross Widsom is, please read** Chaper 9: "Imprint"**

**..**

My boarding school friend **Miraç** Aksoy and I had drinks recently. He works for Amnesty International in France and was visiting his family in Istanbul. We got to talking about his work & life... and I learn that he's engaged to be married to a colleague and fellow activist, a Cambodian-French woman named **Mony** Dubois.

As we catchup, he talks about an escalating situation in Cambodia where land activists are being imprisoned by the corrupt government. They're enabling land grabbing and some of those projects are impacting local communities around the country. People are being displaced and forcefully removed from their homes, left, right and center!

He says that it's risky for journalists and activists in Cambodia but that he was going there with Mony as one of her school mates, **Tep Vanny**, has been imprisoned. You see, Tep was arrested in 2013 after a protest, and only 4 years later in 2017, she was handed a 2.5 year jail sentence for "intentional violence with aggravating circumstances". In other words, Tep has been and will be in jail for 6 years for a peaceful protest against the government!

It is one of many attempts at Amnesty to repeal and rescind her sentence and Miraç needs the help of a photographer to document this trip, and if allowed, capture Tep's living conditions in jail. Oh... what the hell? Sign me up, I tell him... and within 2 days, I'm off to Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

**..**

Miraç and Mony weren't exaggerating about the risks of being an activist in Cambodia. It is one of the most dangerous places for persons fighting for a cause and we're treated exactly as we expected. The immigration officials hold us for 6 hours before releasing us with no explanation for the wait. The hotel is a foreigner friendly place but the front desk informs us that everything is monitored and surveilled, read between the lines, that is video, audio, conversations, meetings and what not!

**..**

We've been here almost a month and have not been granted access to Tep but I got a chance to photograph and catalog other activists and protesters on the streets of the city. As a way of dispersing the protestors, the police indiscriminately charge into the crowds and start attacking everyone. I've managed to escape with minor injuries and starting to wonder when my number will be up! But my courage raises under fire... and I'm not going to back down to this brutality and intimidation, not a chance in hell!

**..**

Miraç and Mony are meeting a contact who says he'll be able to arrange a meeting with Tep. I'm waiting at a cafe nearby in case the meeting is expedited and they need my services. Next thing I see is hoards of locals running towards something... and I know something is very wrong!

I follow the crowd and reach the spot where everyone is congregated. Miraç and Mony have both been beaten up pretty badly... Miraç more than Mony and he's unconscious and lying on the ground in a pool of blood. I rush to them and ask the crowds to step back and give them some air. Mony, who is very alert, had called someone on the phone... and now we wait for help!

..

Help arrives in the form of a car in about 20 minutes and Miraç is rushed to the hospital. He has cuts, gashes and bruises, and his left leg has been shattered at the ankle and feet. Other than being extremely traumatized, both of them are doing relatively well considering the dangerous circumstances!

While Miraç is still in intensive care, a few thugs show up at the hospital and try to enter his room. Mony and I try to stop them, I get in the middle of it and as I fend them off, an altercation ensues. Outspoken, outnumbered and outgunned, we are surrounded and they form an attack circle around us!

I've been in many dangerous accidents, survived a boat-wreck, bitten by poisonous insects, skidded off mountains, suffered extreme frost bite and yet... _**this is it**_, a voice inside me tells me loudly! In that moment, my reptilian brain which feeds the **brute **_**savage**_, goes into primitive mode aggressively kicking in with a **fuck it**... _**go down swinging **_voice that is really loud and clear!

My **whole life flashes** in front of my eyes : Baba, Emre, Velu, Akif, Metin, mountain hut, Wisdom and my camera... and I clutch the moonstones for strength, clarity and luck!

I have no weapons on me and they're prepared for all sorts of brutality! I know that while I _may_ survive a heavy thrashing, Mony **will** be hurt, raped and killed! **That**, I can't have... not on my watch and I won't stand for this violence and I'm going to have to protect her at all costs! She's holding onto Miraç on the hospital bed and she's terrified to death!

The _good_ news is that I have more than a feet on most of them, they're all short, and I assess an attack and offense strategy! I'm getting ready to escalate, charge and prepare for the worst possible outcomes... anything that can distract them and help Mony get away! I yell "**fuyez **_**s'il vous plaît**_" (please run away or flee), she hears me... but refuses to listen to me and shakes her head side to side with a no, remains _immobile _and clings to Miraç for dear life!

** .GOD! **

Suddenly, a few people storm into the room and there's shouting and protective action. I can tell they're friendlies and we're saved by the nick of time by Mony's family and friends! Boy, that was _fucking_ close... and I'm feeling brave, the adrenaline is pumping and I'm high as a kite for the next few weeks! It is as though I was sleep walking through my life and I've been awakened to the cognizance and possibilities that are in my future!

I've been thinking about the **whole-life-flashing** moment and who _didn't_ appear in it... no women _except_ the Albatross Wisdom! That is certainly telling of what I'm wanting and missing in life!

..

Amnesty has an unbroken rule about injuries and attacks in the field and immediately recall Miraç and Mony to France for further treatment and psychological assessments. I don't know how they do it, but with an assist from the US-based Radio Free Asia (RFA), we're flown back to France on a med-evac flight!

..

I spend the next few weeks with Miraç and observe that he's making a quick recovery. His ankle had to be reconstructed and he'll always walk with a limp owing to the damage and injury. Mony is taking care of him hand and foot, literally.

I notice the contrasting dynamics coexisting in their relationship. She's this fiery activist with a passion for her heritage and the country of her origin. But in that same person, lives a soul who becomes a caretaker, nurse and nurturer... and she refused to abandon him under the worst circumstances! I am **wowed** by her alacrity, allegiance and loyalty to him!

She is beautiful of course, but from what I've noticed, she is completely _au naturel, _wearing very limited makeup and and only meaningful jewelry. She is indeed a woman who is literally comfortable in her own skin, knows her strength, speaks her mind and follows through with action, or in her case, inaction! Miraç and Mony are renegade activists one moment and passionate lovers the next... and always partners in crime, Bravo!

...

The hole and void in my heart is now tangible, substantial and _almost_ palpably taking shape and visible to me!

...

Dad had insistently called me back to Istanbul to celebrate the 40th Anniversary of the agency and I promise him I won't miss it for anything in the world!

..

Miraç and Mony are insistent that I stay for their wedding which has been expedited and happening in a few days. I'm of course the photographer and best man at the wedding! There's a slight dusting of snow on the ground making Paris and the Eiffel Tower glitter in all their glory. With a few friends and family, it's an impromptu evening ceremony on the Trocadéro overlooking the Eiffel... and their handwritten vows are really meaningful, touching and make me and the others shed tears of joy!

Miraç's goal, and I've been helping him build strength and endurance, is to lift his petite bride in his arms for their first kiss as a married couple! When it happens, it is simply beautiful, life-affirming and so so _**so**_ romantic!

I'm really really ecstatic for Miraç & Mony... and I have a surreal yet enigmatic feeling of sudden exuberance!

The party is underway and the presentations have started in the opera. My dad had arranged an upstairs romantic viewing booth for Polen & I. As I walk up, my heart is pounding with anticipation ... hmm, very rare for me! An image of the **Albatross** **Wisdom** flashes in my mind ... _unbidden_, making me pause... as though providence and the universe are telling me I'm at the right **place** at the perfect **time**!

I open the fancy door and it's dark inside only lit by the varying light from the screen in background. I see her standing in the corner. I slowly walk towards her...admiring her slender silhouette, sexy frame, hair in a bun accentuating her neck and mouth. And all I want to do, desperately and without a moment to talk, is to claim her to be _**mine**_!

I reach for her, almost savage like... and kiss her passionately with all of my energy, eagerness and literally, **life's force**!

**Author's Note: I'd say Can Divit ...**

**I hope you enjoyed this part! Please follow, vote, comment and provide feedback! As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR**

**Author's quick update based on Feedback/comments:** _**My**_ Can Divit is a gentleman, brute savage in other areas, but a gentlemen nonetheless and he won't forcibly kiss a stranger!

Pls read "Sweet, Tart and Heart" and I have a theory on why he won't kiss her again, even though he had the opportunity, without her explicit permission!

On the TV show, it is also very dark inside when he sees her, but we the audience have a blue black light so we can see whats going on. My theory is that his sense of **smell** is heightened because sight is diminished. Sanem was also wearing sky high heels that night... so all of it is plausible that he mistook her for Polen. Let's face it, he's not seen Polen in months... so people and appearances change! By his own expression, he's surprised when he realizes that he didn't kiss Polen when she shows up a few seconds later!

BUT when he's in it, he nor she stop themselves! That's that! ? ﾟﾘﾘ? ﾟﾧﾡ

Sources on Cambodia: Tep Vanny is real, she was released from jail in 2018 after the king "pardoned" her!

\- en/countries/asia-and-the-pacific/cambodia/report-cambodia/

\- news/world/articles/2018-08-20/cambodian-king-pardons-4-imprisoned-land-rights-activists

\- /asia/cambodia/articles/10-inspirational-cambodian-women-you-should-know/

\- english/

Image Sources: Google and others.


	15. Reborn: 1, 2 & 3… 100 : March 2018

**Day 1 **

It is great to see dad & Emre...and I made it in time to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the marketing agency that my dad founded. It was his life's work and therefore a huge celebration was arranged at the opera house. Much to my trepidation, during the course of the day, dad had made it very clear to me that he'd like me to head the agency after him. That is sure to cause some unpleasantness with Emre, who had hoped to succeed Dad, so I had _not_ capitulated to his request... as I didn't see myself being _**grounded**__._

..

..  
I'm actually excited, despite the penguin suit, to be at the party. I'll be seeing my friends Elif & Metin after a long time and Polen... who I've not seen in 6 months. Polen & I are friends, confidants, she's loyal...been there for me through some tough times and considers me her beloved. But I've not been able to commit to a label beyond respectful friends _with_ benefits.

Polen's nearly perfect : beautiful, a scientist and very sophisticated... too sophisticated, in fact, for the brute that I am in the wilderness. She literally doesn't like to get her hands dirty... and that is a deal breaker for me. I keep her around like she's a good _habit_ and hoping to change for her ... I'm going to try my best, this time!

..

..

The party is underway and the presentations have started in the opera. My dad had arranged an upstairs romantic viewing booth for Polen & I. As I walk up, my heart is pounding with anticipation ... hmm, very rare for me! An image of the **Albatross** **Wisdom** flashes in my mind ... _unbidden_, making me pause... as though providence and the universe are telling me I'm at the right **place** at the perfect **time**!

I open the fancy door and it's dark inside only lit by the varying light from the screen in background. I see her standing in the corner. I slowly walk towards her...admiring her slender silhouette, sexy frame, hair in a bun accentuating her neck and mouth. And all I want to do, desperately and without a moment to talk, is to claim her to be _**mine**_!

I reach for her, almost savage like... and kiss her passionately with all of my energy, eagerness and literally, life's force!

Realization hits me in two seconds that the woman I'm kissing... who's kissing me back and matching my fervor, is not Polen! But neither one of us can stop ourselves... my lungs, veins and mind are filled with her exquisite taste and I'm paralyzed by the sensational fragrance of _**her**_! We are connected in the most sensual and spiritual way... and she's an assault on my senses, body, mind and... soul! She trembles slightly, so I break the kiss, as I would've never let her go without resistance... and runs for the exit.

I've experienced another life affirming _**ten**_ seconds, this time with a _real_ woman. Yet again, my world comes to a standstill, time resets...and starts again. Those few moments feels like a lifetime, that's all we had together...before she took flight!

By the time I could make head or tail of the situation or chase after her, to find out who that awesome creature was, Polen joins me in the booth. We say our customary greetings & hugs and I make an exit claiming the penguin suit is very scratchy... very lame but I needed to find the mystery woman, pronto, _**NOW**_!

..

..

The gathering hall is empty and I realize that I have no reference point to her. It was too dark in the hall but I'm hoping she'll **magically** reveal herself to me. That was the most incoherent and illogical thought I've had, ever! Feeling a bit defeated, I get to the dressing room to collect myself, Oh boy...did I need that space?!

In the empty dressing room, I pause and sit on the sofa... to try and calm the riotous reactions. My heart is still pounding heavily, and my body is giving away more than I expected. The penguin suit is even more uncomfortable now and the pants don't fit me anymore! I've never had a whole, complete and total reaction to a woman like this, ever! Despite that, I have a deep sense of clarity... I feel profoundly illuminated, having had my first positive encounter with a real woman...and even in the dark, I had shared & bared my soul to her!

A few minutes to get changed into my casual gear...and I almost felt like myself but still very lit, alive, like on a live wire, and I hear commotion in the hallway. The presentations were over and people are gathering for drinks & conversations. I walk out to meet everyone with a new purpose & determination to find her!

..

..

The evening passes with no luck of finding mystery woman, a frustrated Polen leaves and I hear some shocking news about my dad's deteriorating health.

..

..

There's a fire burning inside of me...and it does not match the roaring fireplace in the backyard. Its late, but as is custom, my dad & I are having a welcome home drink... and I'm conflicted about asking him about his health, my logic being, he'd tell me when he's ready. My dad raises a glass to me and says : "_My_ Prodigal Son has returned". I smirk expecting a huge request to follow...and it does. He asks me to takeover the agency while he's taking a temporary break, what he calls it, from the agency. He is handing over his life & legacy to me...and I've not felt more adult, burdened and responsible than at this moment. I agree primarily to appease and bring relief to my dad...but then again, now I also had more than one reason to stay!

That night is one of the most chaotic of my life... I'm tossing and turning, overwhelmed by the scent and taste of a woman...waking up to disappointment that she's actually not there with me! How strange...because I've not felt like this before about anyone!

..

..

**Day 2**

The next day at work, I meet Sanem, our newest employee, the chai, photocopy and errand girl. I could've sworn that that girl had never had a corporate job before and she proves it all day with her awkwardness. But every time I see her, my heart starts to pound; she's truly beautiful and the most innocent person I've ever met! But what of my heart? Is it now malfunctioning at every new woman I meet? Hmm...confusing!

..

..

After a really busy and challenging first day at work... I come home to a hot shower and turn on some music. I almost feel like myself again... well, _not_ really! As I turn to sit in my favorite chair to read a book...a movement catches the corner of my eye. There's an intruder in my house, trying to open the patio door to getaway...and it's a women nonetheless!

Two strides, I grab her and she fits into my massive frame... and I'm face to face with her. I recognize that it's Sanem from work. She's as much shocked to see me as I am to find her in my house.

Before saying anything coherent, as I hold her close, my mind & body come _**alive**_...like they did the night before! It's the same riotous reactions... her fragrance fills my lungs and blood starts to thunder through my veins...and I instinctively know it's her, the mystery woman that I had kissed in the dark, the one that had _**rocked**_ my world!

But alas, I realize that she's in my house without my knowledge, and so apart from all the things I want to ask her, my first question is to find out what she was doing there. She's on an errand as Emre had sent her with keys. She had dropped off his laundry and forgotten a valuable of hers in his coat pocket. For a second I wonder if she is in fact Emre's secret girl friend. There's an innocent explanation for her being there & she says she was surprised to see me as she thought the house was empty. Fair enough!

The valuable she wanted to collect happened to be an engagement ring, **hers**. I am literally devastated to find out she's in a committed relationship... and I smother any thoughts of asking her further questions.

That night is even more chaotic than the night before, I had not slept a wink... I'm overwhelmed and yet disappointed by meeting her, knowing that she's taken and realizing that I can't tempt or explore more options with her...she was too innocent & naive to be corrupted. But then again, I'm also "taken" aren't I? I was kissing her assuming it was Polen... so if I can have doubts, then so can she, right?

..

..

**Day 3**

When a door closes, a window opens...or in my case, the flood gates open! Through an innocuous way, I learn that Sanem had made a _**list**_ of bearded men wearing suits that attended the party. My interest is piqued... at the most curious that I've been, ever! Furthermore, she's named it the "List of Albatross"! _Albatross_, yes... _**Albatross**_!

Knowing that she's looking for me...my heart is thundering in my chest, my mind racing beyond my control, and I want to hold her and never let her go, _**ever**_!

**Day 100**

Since the day I met her, Sanem has become the **center** of my world... _existentially_ and figuratively!

I fall deeply and more desperately in love with her everyday... her incredible beauty, raw brilliance, extremely kind heart, angel-like innocence, incurable sweetness and I want her to be _**all**_ mine!

I think, plan, conspire, reprise, corrupt, tempt, rise and fall for her...and she's feeling the same for me, I suspect, even though she doesn't know that I'm _**the**_ Albatross. _Yet_, she owns me body, mind, spirit, and soul!

**Author's Note**: "Erkenci Kus" is told from Sanem's point of view in the TV series. I really wondered what Can would be going through at the same time...and so this a glimpse into his feelings & experiences.

Hope you enjoy, please leave comments & feedback! Thx!


	16. Sweet, Tart and Heart : April 2018

Sanem seems determined to find _the _Albatross... the one that she sensually and life-affirmingly kissed. _**Whohooooo**_.. that's me and my heart goes "dhudup-dhudup" when I think of it!

..

We are doing the photoshoot at my house and she's _interviewing_ bearded men to determine if they're Albatross material! She easily rejects some but others are persistent in trying to get her phone number. When you get propositioned by a beautiful girl like her, any moron will be interested!

I find her innocence endearing but I'm blocking and tackling every one of them and spending a lot of energy distracting her by giving her tasks. It's been amusing, ordering her around, I love it when she pays special attention to me and my requests! I realize that I'm very protective of her... I want to bubble wrap her from other men and the dangers of the world... hmm, this is new for me!

I've always been in the circle of independent, cosmopolitan, sometimes aloof, high-maintenance women - Polen, Deren, Aylin, even Gamze. But Sanem is her own woman, also independent, confident, spontaneous, speaks her fiery mind, raw, natural, unvarnished, completely unaware of her gorgeousness and so _so_ refreshing to be around! Oh and the essence of that woman... she's like a potent drug, completely intoxicating me even from 10 feet away... butterflies in my stomach, mind goes into a tizzy and it becomes difficult to concentrate on anything other than her!

..

She has worked too hard taking care of Arzu and her outlandish demands. We're both a bit weary, albeit for different reasons!

..

In the middle of the chaos of the photo shoot, she finds an artistic moment and makes an exquisite flower tiara. As I walk to the kitchen, to stalk her more like, I see that she's wearing the tiara... it is **so **her and looks _adorable _on her!

I can't help myself, I take a secret photo of an ethereal and innocent angel, just standing there in her tiara, in my backyard!

...

Ah, Sanem is _still _in the house? What is she doing here so late? I thought everyone had left. But... thank God for her interruption and distraction.

"If you want me to stay, I'll stay"... she says as we're connected to each other, both holding the clothes on the hangers, in a gentle tug of war. I have goosebumps all over my body at her words...in pure exhilaration! "**YES** Sweetheart... stay with me!" says a loud voice inside my head, hoping she'll hear it!

Arzu interrupts and asks her to leave, I thank Sanem for all her help. She looks a bit forlorn yet prideful, I wonder if it's because I didn't ask her to stay ?! She leaves in a hurry... or so I thought!

I'm feeling a bit useless... I should've asked her to stay, why didn't I speak up? Arzu is making her move and I'm dismissive and shrug her off... hey woman, get a hint! I'm not interested, not in you or anyone else... the girl that left, took it **all** away!

Ah, Sanem is back again... she forgot her purse, she says. Arzu is clearly miffed and asks her to make a detox smoothie since she was back anyways!

Under the guise of getting a drink, I walk to the kitchen where she's making the smoothie... to see her, talk to her... be with her?! My mind and body are full of her... and seeing that she's back is making my heart sing!

...

I can't believe she actually _almost _poisoned Arzu with the **Strawberries**!

Can she be _**this **_obvious, still guileless and _**yet **_so mischievous? I'm dying with glee at her attempts to thwart us the whole day and evening... not to mention the stunt she pulled in the hotel with the fire alarm!? She's tenacious, that's for sure!

But she's also a very confusing woman... pushing me away yesterday and pulling me towards her today. Her words and actions are in complete contrast... what am I to make of it?

I accost her at the door... I'm so tempted to hold her captive and kiss her, like I **mean** it. Oh well, I did that already... and it remains **the** most defining, altering, sensational, unforgettable moment of my **life**! But _now _I know better; I shouldn't kiss her again without her permission, without her asking me to kiss her, even better if she kisses me on her own!

In every way, this girl is spectacular and stunning, sensitive and strong... and I have to bring my A-game. She needs to be wooed, courted and cherished.. I want her to want me like I want her, all of her!

...

I ask her why she did what she did... and there's a pregnant pause as she contemplates a response! She says that she was trying to _protect me_, _**protect me?! **_I guffaw... nice try, _sweetheart_! But hey, what do you know... I elatedly believe her! She was trying to save me from some unwanted attention, possessiveness and jealousy aside, go figure!

And then she schools me on being professional and how I'm supposed to behave as her boss... and promptly runs away, per usual!

...

She's _engaged _and I'm in a _relationship_!

She's searching for **the **Albatross and I **am **_that _Albatross!

She argues with me _fervently _and I want to makeup with her _constantly_.

She's _jealous _over me and I am _possessive _over her!

She's half **agony**, I'm half **hope**!

...

**Author's Note**: **Strawberries**, juicy, red, heart-shaped, sweet and tart, are a common symbol of sexual attraction, romance and love.

I wondered why Can didn't kiss her in that moment... he had the chance! Jealous Can & Sanem are the best story foils on Erkenci Kuş!

Hope you enjoyed it! Please vote, comment (good, bad) and provide feedback!


	17. It is Me: May 2018

Ahh... we're finally here at my mountain hut.

I've built every bit of it myself... priming the logs, cutting and setting them, wired electricity & installed plumbing, an outdoor shower, a kitchenette and a wood burning stove. The outdoors is _perfect_ with a vegetable garden, camp style fire pit to cook and barbecue.

I've bought old-fashioned photo processing equipment, added meaningful travel collectibles, hand-me-down furniture and an adorable vintage vinyl record player to listen to the classics and stargaze!

It's _my_ **man-hut** that also serves as a photography atelier but truly it's my private sanctuary and secret hideaway when I want to get _away _from Istanbul! It's been a labor of love... and I love coming here whenever I get a chance; it makes me feel like _**me**_, like I'm home!

Damn... I've never brought a girl to my mountain cabin, didn't even occur to me to take the _others _there! Privately I know that most of _those _girls wouldn't appreciate the rustic nature of it! That would also reveal me to be a brute savage versus the sophisticated savage they think I am!

..

I open the door for her and she enters the hut... and for the next few moments, her expressions are **priceless **\- awe, wonder, fascination and curiosity becomes her!

Hah... I am trying to impress this girl,_ aren't _I? I'm trying to understand her core values... money and flashy things don't sway her... she's not pretentious or stuffy but very authentic and sentimental, like nobody I've met before!

I give her my clothes to wear... and she looks just as ravishing in them as that gorgeous pink tulle gown I had picked for her! Hmmm... nobody else has worn my clothes and she's not even _my _girl, not yet!

I'm in my usual gear... tank tops and aged jeans. We both agree to split the cooking duties, salad on her and meats for me. I tell her where to gather the vegetables and walk to the forest nearby for some firewood.

..

..

I'm walking back with the firewood and hear music playing in the hut. As I get closer, I see that she's dancing... moving her whole body, hands and legs, using her hair like a prop, like nobody's watching, really carefree and so happy-go-lucky!

I _**am**_ watching her... she's divinely spontaneous with a really infectious energy... and _maladroitly_ sexy... just **Wow**!

I enjoy the show... not wanting to interrupt ... but she spots me and stops midway, feeling a bit embarrassed and shy!

..

_**My turn, **_sweetheart... to chop wood! I'm hoping she's spying on me, but I don't want to be too obvious! _Bring it man_, says the voice inside my head.

..

..

I'm showcasing **all** of the skills and tools in my _**repertoire**_**! ** We're having barbecued veal and I open my long-saved favorite bottle of wine, an Italian Barolo, from Bartolo Mascarello's vineyard. The conversations with her always seems to flow very organically, the wine is helping tremendously, and she's becoming more open and less inhibitive around me. I'm thoroughly enjoying her company... and patting myself on the back on the idea to bring her here!

..

..

After dinner, I reluctantly step into the hut to process the photos. Oh well... the live version of the girl is just outside that door and I'm processing her photographs for the campaign. _Everything_ I've shot of her is just so perfect and I can't choose the best one of her... an interesting problem to have! Almost an hour later... I'm feeling accomplished, I have a stash of her photos... and I've also found THE one that captures her **indelible **spirit!

..

..

I head out regretting that our time together is coming to a close... I can't keep her here **forever**, now can I?!

_**Ohhoho**_! She's finished the entire bottle of that fine wine... and is a bit inebriated, even _more _vivacious and bubbly! She walks over to the vinyl player and puts on "Bana ellerini ver (Give me your hands)" by Özdemir Erdoğan.

As I watch her hypnotized, she says "_Psshhht_... **Kotu Kral** (evil king)... _come on_... **You** **owe me a dance**!"

I follow her...mesmerized. She then reaches for me, holds me close... and gives me her most angelic smile! I _**melt**_, my heart is racing and I'm mind blown at her cute invitation!

She's right where I want her to be...in my arms, holding me, inviting me to hold her, wanting me... I'm in a **transcendent paradise**!

..

..

"_**Suck it up**_, man" ... tells a voice in my head, you're in THE moment, do it, tell her, now!

C: Sanem ... we should talk...

S: Hmm

C: This...

S: Hmm

C: _**Your **_Albatross... the _**one **_you're looking for...

S: Hmm

**...deep breath, palms sweating yet calmed by her essence, deep breath...**

C: **It's **_**me**_**!**

**Author's Note:** I loved this episode! Can Divit is very _reserved_ about his **heart** (!?) and it takes a lot for him to be vulnerable! _**Alas**_, he steps up to tell her and it's unfortunate what happens next!

Thanks for reading this far... Please note, do give me comments and feedback... sharing is caring!


	18. To be Seen… Blindfolded: May 2018

We are spending the work day at an offsite camp and Ceycey has team building exercises and games setup for us. It's also a +1 event... so people are bringing their significant others and dates.

I had just met Osman, Sanem's fiancé. He & I had a moment and even bonded over his gorgeous vintage yellow Chevy. He's handsome with a smiling face, and under different circumstances, we may have been friends! We immediately connected over football... and when we are challenged by Aylin's team, kicked their asses to the curb!

..

..

I know she's engaged but I've been writhing, twisting and turning in discomfort, almost in pain, seeing Sanem & Osman together... it's unbearable to watch them together in real life!

..

..

Every moment since I've met her, I've wanted her to be near me... need me, want me, touch me, hold me, recognize me for the Albatross that I am... but alas, that's not going to happen! I want to leave, desperately, and be on my own... but I'm the leader of the group, so I have to be here for their sakes!

..

..

Ceycey just started a session of the Blindfold Game : Sanem and Aylin are blindfolded and have to recognize and identify people. I don't want any part in it... but Guliz in a goodnatured way, drags me to the game and I'm one of the participants to be identified, Sanem's to be specific.

She gets through identifying Osman in 10 seconds, her sister Leyla in 5 seconds and Guliz in 10 seconds... and its my turn. I take off my shades and wait for her to approach me.

..

Time stands still... and I'm riveted and immersed in her intoxicating fragrance. Steadily and at a leisurely pace, she is touching and exploring every inch of my face, my ears, my eyes, my lips... and her lips are parted sensually!

I know that she **recognizes** it's me, but doesn't stop her exploration. So I close my eyes and lean into her touch... saying silently in my head "Take me, I'm yours!"... and she cracks a mild smile as though she's heard me say the words! Then she gets even closer, makes a full pass of my face, ears and neck, like someone holding their beloved's face in their hands. Then she breaks the silence with "I can't tell who it is!"

..

Those 30 seconds are the most erotic, stimulating, arousing and rooted moment of my life! And then I get faux-rejected after that... but I have proof that she knows me, realized it's me and importantly, feels affected by me. She's fighting it the hardest she can, but losing the battle, same as me!

**Author's Note:** Wow... that scene is hot as hell! It's a reversal... the person feeling the eroticism is the one that is _not_ blindfolded!

Hope you enjoyed! Please vote and provide comments and feedback!


	19. Burn like Wildfire : June 2018

We had a quick dinner, double date per Polen, with Levant & Sanem. Polen is drunk and I have to take her home.

Sanem thinks Levant's the Albatross... and I've tried to reason with her that that's not the case. No luck... and she's leaving with him! I can't bear to see it... and I die as the taxi drives me away from her! She's not mine... and I've never been more devastated than at this moment to that fact!

Like a lit candle, my body is melting and my head is on fire... the slow, deep and roasting burn is unable to bear!

What the hell was I doing taken Polen to dinner?  
\- Yes, we _**sure**_looked like we're broken up... Polen in her lace dress & fuck-me shoes!

How much pride, ego and machismo can I conjure up now?  
\- Hah... Sanem's stripped it all from me!

What the hell was I thinking giving her ultimatums?  
\- You can't coerce this girl... you have to coax and cajole her!

Well, she came to see me last night, neither of us knew Polen will be there, what was she going to tell me?  
\- My Albatross feather gift probably left an impression... but it's all crashed and burned now!

Why the hell did I let her leave then?  
\- I got all defensive and appeared like Polen's boyfriend! I should not have let her leave despite her tantrum!

God, how stupid can I be?  
\- **Rank **_**fucking**_** stupid**! I drove her straight into his arms!

..

..

I need to get out of here, I should've left when I had the chance...I should leave now and not look back, ever again! Dammit... I tore up the tickets; otherwise I could've gone straight to the airport!

I can't stay here, I'm going to the mountain hut. But nothing is going to lessen the burn, my soul is on fire for a girl... and she's with someone else, and its all my own doing!

There's nothing for me here... I have not grown any roots, but I have wings, strong ones...! **This night**... and that's it, I fly away, like her _true_ Albatross !

..

..

I'm unable to find peace even at the hut... memories of her are everywhere and not to mention her photographs. Each one of her photographs is a reminder of what I can't have, the fact that I let her go of my own volition and pride! Oh what a nauseous masochist I've become... but this helps... to get over her faster! Hmmm... that's to be seen!

Will this angel never be mine?

\- No, you handed her over to Levant... you dumb-fuck, says a really loud voice in my head!

..

..

There's a sudden commotion and I see Polen at the hut. She doesn't know there is a hut, let alone know where it is...!

**Oh wait a minute**... Sanem _**dropped **_Polen off at the hut in a _**taxi**_?!

Sanem was here, at this hour, by herself and not with Levant?! How'd that happen? Polen's rambling... who called who, went where, found who and finally came here?!

..

She wasn't with Levant, for the night... so that's okay, for now, I'm _relatively_ sedate! Give it **one more night**, I tell myself!

..

..  
**One **_**last**_** day** remember that... so I promise to Carpe Diem the _hell_ out of today!

I get to work and an angel is leaving a card on the wishing tree. I can't help but steal her wish!

Ahh... the Mac I requested for her is ready... here's one more parting gift for her! I want to get close to her, feel her and smell her intoxicating essence, one last time! So I tease her when she asks for her bandana... how cute, sweet and angry is she at me!? I love it!

And on the same day I learn that the angel is no longer engaged... she's **free**!

But for me or Levant? Did she breakup with her fiance because she found _the_ Albatross? Does this mean they kissed and connected? The burn is back... body and now onto the head!

Ah Polen... I'm making the same mistakes again! I, **once again**, look like her boyfriend, walking away hand in hand! What the hell can I do now? This is turning into a cyclical cluster-fuck!

..

Today was a roller coaster, I have to do **one last thing** before I leave ! Do I dare to find out? _Do I_? Will my heart and soul be able to handle it? What's written on her wish card? There's only one way to find out... so here goes nothing!

My world stops... stands still and gloriously restarts again! That little paper and those two letters mean **everything **to me : **C.**

The card douses the wildfire in my body and mind, my heart is fuming rambunctiously and my soul is swimming in clear, calm, crisp and cool waters... in total immersion and **Nirvana**!

The card says "**C.**", _**not**_ Albatross, **C**... that's **me**, _without_ an iota of doubt or uncertainty! She wants me, like I want her... and now I get to chase, coax, cajole, captivate, charm my way into her heart!

...

**Author's Note**: This episode was excruciating for me to watch! As the audience you know she dumps Levant right after Can leaves... but he doesn't know that and it's an interesting turn in the story! He gets a real insight into what it means to not have her and his story needed to be told!

**Special Note:** Can Yaman was _**spectacular**_ in this episode (Erkenci Kuş #9)! He's full-on macho and insulting, yet vulnerable and helpless, restrained, hurt, playful, hopeful, followed by that Nirvana, relief and elation! He was able to portray that he cares for her well-being & Polen's, irrespective of how he feels about them, and don't want either of them to be exposed to malicious players!

Hope your enjoyed it... thanks for reading! Please vote if you liked it, comment if you loved or hated it! As always, I appreciate all the great feedback!

Xoxo, DR


	20. On the Hammock… : June 2018

We're are hanging out...literally on a **hammock** by the beach and the evening is turning into a pleasant night. The sea breeze is a prefect balance of balmy and cool... just enough to snuggle with a blanket.

After gazing at the stars, she had just narrated that melancholic story of Artemis and Orion. Oh, such _sadness_... _**why oh why**_? I wondered. All I want to do is pluck away that sadness and throw it into the far reaches of the ocean...never to be found again!

She's drifting into sleep... cute, warm, tender and trusting, getting cozy, nuzzling into my chest... and getting comfortable _**on**_ me. I can hardly _breathe_... afraid that I may wake her up and she'll leave!

**Wow**...when did I become _this_ guy? Am I romantic? Romance and me were poles apart before I met this girl. Now, all I want to do is touch her, hold her, play with her hair, kiss her and do other _umm_... things to her! Teasing her is the most fun I've had with my clothes on... its such a turn-on and hilarious when she reacts, retracts or retorts.

The last two days have been heavenly...a perfect cosmic setup! We're immersed in nature... camping in the woods, the sea is nearby, eating barbecued food, star gazing and in each other's company! Were there others? I hardly noticed!

She told me that she hadn't found her Albatross yet, I had broken up with Polen for good, she was free, I was free...and we nearly kissed on the beach, so it can only get _better_ from here!

But... what am I thinking? Get better to what end? **Who am I now**? Am I domesticated to have a girl friend and settle down ? Is she the wind in my sails or the anchor on the dock?

My _**style**_ has been fuck and duck & I'm pretty sure she's a wed and bed...**so there's **_**that**_! I brood and she's bubbly, I'm introvert-adjacent and she's loud-adjacent and my family values are definitely not the same as hers. We're so different in every way possible... true _opposites_. But we're also very similar... brave, stubborn and know ourselves!

Since we've been camping, she's been wearing the same clothes for the last two days... and yet she's more powerfully fragrant than ever before...the **essence** of her is all consuming of me! What if it's all _physiological_ ? Yes, I'm fascinated, intrigued beyond compare, my body, mind and spirit come alive when I'm near her...but is that _me_?

My train of thoughts are interrupted by Sanem who nuzzles even closer to me... "_**Caan**_" she says crisp and clear, in her sleep... and her face forms an effervescent and angelic smile!

** .LOVE! **

Body, mind, spirit...**soul**, it's **all** hers now, whatever she needs me to be... **I'll be**!

**Author's Note:** The hammock is one of THE most special scenes I've ever watched, anywhere! It's short & sweet... and the turning point in their story. I've lived through a similar experience with DH... and so it is been a pleasure writing this part. Once again, based on Can's inner thoughts and his journey towards love!

Hope you enjoy! Pls provide feedback & comments! Thx!


	21. My All: Day 100 : July 2018

**Author's Note: **"**Keşke**" means "I wish/if only" or "I'd give anything"!

**=...=...=...=**

What a last few days we've had... the camping, dip and dash in the sea and hugging in the hammock! I've made it very clear to Polen that I'm done with her especially after she denigrates Sanem because of her mahalle!

..

I'm processing the campaign videos, or I should be, but I'm focused on the clips I have of Sanem and her woman-child antics...its so hilarious to watch her reactions and expressions! When she's not slaying me with her essence... my tummy hurts from laughing too much!

Then she even made kofta's for me! Gosh... they're terrible, really terrible... but I don't want to break her heart... all I could see was her love and enthusiasm!

Emre and I are having a party at the house for the finish of the campaign... everyone needs a break and we need to celebrate our successes! The party is on, it's late and everyone has been mingling... but there's no sign of Sanem or Ceycey.

..

What's this new confusion? Ah Guliz Ah... what did you tell her? She was on her way when she learnt the rumor that Polen's moving in with me! She detoured and went to help Ceycey. The self-respecting and prideful woman that she is... she chose not to come to the party!

..

I need, must, have to find her, now... and clear this up! I can't live in a world where I know she wants me and she's left believing, even for a moment, that I don't want her! _**THAT**_ will never ever be... that can't be, I need to find her now!

..

She's at the opera house where we first met and became each others', sight unseen, swapping souls and fell in love at first kiss! _**How**_ **apropos**... I can't wait to see her, tell her, kiss her... make her mine and tell her I'm hers!

Since the day I met her, Sanem has become the **center** of my world... _existentially_ and figuratively! I fall deeply and more desperately in love with her everyday... her incredible beauty, raw brilliance, extremely kind heart, angel-like innocence, incurable sweetness... I want her to be _**all**_ mine!

I don't have a moment to lose, my mind is singular... I'm going to lay my heart and soul at her feet... and wait for the verdict!

..

My phone pings with a new text message : "**Keşke**..." My heart stops at the simply yet powerful message... and starts again at double speed! She means "if only" but to me that's a hint for "I'd give **you** anything, everything, all of me, forever!"

**...**

Time to get the penguin suit, and she said she remembered only seeing my shoes, so shoes, _pronto_! I put on my favorite Albatross necklace, which will be symbolic of her love forthwith. I'm ready... ready to claim my love, to be loved, unconditionally, irrevocably and wholly... all of me for all of her!

I get in the car and the 20 minutes to get to her seems like a lifetime! I realize, for the first time in my life, I don't have a plan, no words to express myself... this is all very new to me! Her love, my love for her, is like a kaleidoscope of colors... and my spirit has awakened since I met her. The car ride to her feels like a metaphorical journey from being unattached and aloof to the opposite end of the spectrum - molded, madly, deeply and crazy in love and can't, and don't, want to live without her!

I'm not sure what to tell her... I'm the Albatross? What if she's dubious...! Do I have to prove to her? What if she gets mad at me and thinks I've been toying with her! What if she runs away? Will I be able to stop her today? What can I say to her to make her mine?

Oh but wait a minute... the angel has given me her words... and I could ask her what "if only" meant, did it mean "**I wish...**"?!

..

In my excitement, I literally bang the door down to the place. It takes a few minutes but Ceycey opens the door and he's shocked to see me! I tell him I have no time for explanations and ask him where Sanem was in the building. He tells me that she just went upstairs to the private boxes! Wow... I couldn't have planned it better myself. I ask him to get to the light room and give him clear instructions on what to do next. "Don't mess this up man... I'll owe you one!" I tell him; he's bewildered and confused but promises to come through for me!

..

My heart is beating really fast yet I feel like I'm soaring... I walk up the stairs to see her! An angel in white is standing there, not knowing that I'm coming to see her, become hers, ask her to be mine!

She's a bit startled when the lights go out and the red mood lighting comes on. She looks sensational, wearing a white almost bridal gown, her hair up in a bun, seductive, sultry and utterly sexy... she takes my breath away as I approach her! In that moment I register that to have her be mine would be the greatest **honor** of my life!

She spots me walking towards her and is surprised and spellbound... and I gather all my courage as I near her!

C: "I wish, You said. I can't wait to know more... "

...she blushes...

S: "I wish..." she says as she looks away from my eyes and instinctively at my feet!

Her lips part in absolute surprise as she gains cognizance and realization that we're in the moment that defined and altered our lives, forever! I smile _my_ "Yes, it's me sweetheart, you know me" smile and wait for her acquiescence!

Her expression is the life and death me, her intent very clear, she wants to be kissed, more specifically, wants me to kiss her!And with our second kiss_, _she owns me body, mind, heart, spirit, and soul!

**=...=...=...=**

**Author's Note: This episode made me cry... unladylike joyous tears to be exact! I loved it so much... I remain unsure if this piece does it justice! **

**Time to ****kiss your love****! Do it... now, Yaay!**

It's **amazing** that Can Divit calls his Dad right after to share the news that he's found "**the one**"! So touching!

_**That**_ **Second kiss! **

Please vote, give me your comments (if you love or hate it) and as always, I appreciate your support & feedback!

xoxo, DR


	22. Lose the Battle, Win the War:July 2018

For the first time, **ever**, I told a girl I've **fallen in love** with her...!

I feel free... like I'm flying, soaring like the Albatross, having found my one true love, my guardian angel, the one that unlocked all of the shackles around my heart! It is real, she's real... she looks beautiful, smells amazing, makes me laugh hysterically, remains thoroughly unpredictable, sometimes silly & loud, and hook, line and sinker... I'm intrigued & baited, forever!

Women have always been interested in me... luck of the draw, I guess, **not** meaning to be boastful, at all! In my almost 30 years on this planet earth, I've _never_ pursued a woman...hmm, that's a **revelation**!

She's always running away... does she like being chased? Man, She's slippery like an eel! Is it her propriety that's getting in the way? Well...no! She kissed me back, both times at the opera house and she got emotional when I told her _**the**_ words!

"I'm not attracted to you _**that**_ way" she said. I laugh heartily & call bullshit on it... and she runs away! **Our battle is **_**ON**_!

When I'm near her... my mind is full of her, my heart goes wild... and my body... it's full-on rampage & riot!

Is she too innocent & naive enough not to understand a man's feelings and love for her? No matter what... I want her, I'm enamored by her, she's omnipresent in my mind... and don't even get started on my body! I'm like a horny teenager around her... can't keep it together and always giving away more than I can get in return. She's forever changed my physiology... and it looks like my body only works for her!

She's found a way to spend the day with me despite our battle and I almost kissed her! Awwww... our kisses have sustained me through her almost schizophrenic behavior. But... I sense she's as dizzy & giddy as me when we're together, so what's wrong?

She's been in my room, uninvited, too many times... and so it's my turn to see hers! Her room is cute & sunny... like her! I spy Kafka's "Letters to Milena", her writing nook with her romance novel in progress...and stop short at her perfume cabinet.

**Surprise**! It's filled with perfumes made for me and labeled with "**C.**" ... in all the places we've had special moments - Agva, the Sea, at Camp and on the Hammock! I'm at once speechless and flabbergasted at the display of love but that she's not declaring herself!

We have our first _real_ fight...and I tell her I really don't believe she loves me...so I concede to Sanem that she won the battle!

I still can't comprehend why she's rejecting me constantly! Am I reading the entire situation wrong? I'm also her boss at work... and how do I ensure that I'm not crossing a line... more further than I already have... oh well, _the line is dot_ to me now!?

She's always giving me mixed signals. One minute she's asking me to leave and then asking me to stay, feeling extremely jealous and still aloof, finding me when I want to be lost... and more importantly looking _**incandescently**_ happy and elated when she spends the day & night with me! I'm black & white and she's all grey!

Why doesn't she want me? Man, why is this my fate? The women I love... don't seem to love me! First my mom and then Sanem. But she's nothing like my mom... or is she? What if she in fact is not into me and eventually betrays me? Am I her play thing... interested one minute and ignored the next? I did think my mom loved be more than anyone else in the world! Oh well, that was a disastrous assumption... and I promised myself never again will I be that vulnerable and let myself be hurt by anyone?!

I don't get it, at all! There's a voice inside me chanting loudly "leave now...before you're in too deep", maybe I should and not look back ! Can I?

It's late in the evening... night is upon us & I just reached home. An angel dressed in white is waiting to see me in the garden.

Did I wear her down? Does she need tough love? What changed? I ask her and she retorts by asking me if I'm _ready_ to hear her?! Do I really care about why she took her time? Of course not... all that matters to me now is that she's here, with me, for me!

She tells me "**I love you**"... _**thrice**_ which is very significant to me... and adds "**Even more than I love myself!**" Simple fact is... she's **mine **and I **want** to live my life, with her**!**

**Nirvana, **_**euphoria...**_ **7th Heaven beckons! **

**Author's Note: This **was a tough one for me to write. From my observation, a man's feelings of rejection usually manifest like a crisis - buy something expensive, casual sex to prove ones manhood, make drastic changes to appearance, leave abruptly, disparage the person who rejected you, alienate her in the workplace, or a combination of the above.

But Can Divit doesn't do **any** of the above! That's one of the reasons I love the character. He actually gets patient, listens and promotes her ideas, challenges her intellectually, tries to understand her viewpoint, proves his love for her over and over again, doesn't get vengeful, doesn't stop loving her bcoz she won't reciprocate and even gets mad at her in a cute way... and gives her space! Who is this guy? So still fascinated by all of Can's inner monologues... what could have been going through his mind! So there's that!

Hope your enjoyed it and pls provide comments and feedback! Know this - Your votes and comments are like a fuel to my mind!


	23. All Happy Families are Alike: Aug 2018

I've invited myself over to the Soysals for dinner and Sanem tells me it's also her parents' 30th wedding anniversary tonight! I'm really excited and eager to having a _family _dinner with them on their special night and promise her that I'll be there with gifts!

..

I fondly remember the first time I met Sanem's parents a few months back. I was taking her out to dinner with Fabri and was a bit early. Mevkibe Hanim had served me some delicious Menemen (Turkish Scrambled Eggs) while I waited for Sanem and we got talking about my travels. Before I know it, Nihat Bey, Mevkibe Hanim & I are dying with laughter, so much so that my stomach hurts, and I'm unable to finish the eggs; _**that**_has never happened to me before!

..

I get _dressed _up for the evening i.e. wear a dinner jacket with my jeans! An angel in orange opens the door for me and I can't believe that she's mine, _**actually **_mine!

Some delicious food is served, the conversations flow naturally and there's a lot of laughter and memories shared at that table! Seeing them all together, I have a twinge of regret at the family I don't have... but there's **hope **for me yet!

I try to connect with Sanem by playfully brushing against her hands and secretly holding her hands under the table! Her embarrassed discomfort at my boldness is very encouraging... she knows I like to flirt with her and hold her hands!

Then Nihat Bey makes a toast to his beloved wife with some really cheesy and corny poetry! It is absolutely _adorable _watching them together... they're so delightful, sweet and cute!

As a reward to the poetry, it's time to taste Mevkibe Hanim's specialty of Içli Koftas (Turkish stuffed meatballs). I tell you, if there's _one _dish I could eat for the rest of my life, this is it! I tell her I'm shameless and ask for 3 koftas.

As she starts serving me, call it a **Freudian **_slip_, Mevkibe makes a comment that she's making a habit of cooking more portions as she expects the company of her _**damat's **_(sons-in-law) _soon_! I'm floored, but Leyla & Sanem are shocked by her overture! It's interesting and hilarious to watch their family dynamic, how lovable they are one moment and sniping at each other the next and back to being lovable and then, repeat!

..

I knew Muzzo had a crush on Sanem... but I didn't realize how serious he is until this evening!

..

Mevkibe Hanim accidentally swallowed a ring and I had to drive them all to the ER. The ride over was _one _of the craziest 10 minutes of my life! It's very clear that they love each other very dearly... but are these people loud, like really really loud?! The car is _metaphorically _and actually full of people... if I thought Sanem was eccentric and crazy, I had not met the rest of them... and they're a hoot despite the circumstances!

..

Mevkibe Hanim is fine, I offer to take them all home, but they don't want to impose, and I have to say goodbye to Sanem for the night. I pull her aside to reassure her that all is well and that I'm glad I witnessed her _brand _of **eccentricity**, in her comfort zone and with her family!

On the car ride back home to an empty house, a calm after a crazy storm, my mind is in a jumble! I'm considering so many possibilities with this girl, and to her, family is paramount. Being in love with her means her family is part of the package! But now this makes me seriously wonder...

\- Am I _enough..._ for them?

\- Will her family _want_ me?

\- Will I be _son _or son-in-_law_?

\- Will I be _able_ to blend and contribute to this family unit?

\- Will she want to _share_ them with me?

\- What do I have to _offer _her in return?

..

The _**simple**_** truth **is this = She is from a close-knit, overbearing, passionate & loving family and I'm **not **?! I don't have _**that**_to share with her, if something bad happens to my dad, I'm an orphaned-adult ... an orphan, nonetheless! I bring _**just **_myself to the relationship, no family connections, dinner table banter or loving parents!

What she has with her family is very precious and dear to her... and I don't covet it! But being with them and observing them for just an evening together... I can't _help _but want **her **_and _**them** for myself!

**=...=...=...=...=...=...=**

**=...=...=...=...=...=...=**

**Author's Note:** This is my story, an once-and-former-teenage-orphan, that is until I met DH & his gregarious family! And as they say, the rest is history!

I hope you enjoyed or _felt_ Can Divit's pain & hope! Please vote, follow, comment and feedback! I really do appreciate your support! xoxo, DR

**=...=...=...=...=...=...=**


	24. Un-Break, my Heart : September 2018

"**Leave, Now**... _before_ I break your heart!" ... I tell her after she's just told me she _**can't**_ live without me!

..

..

..

And she hears me and _grants_ me **my wish**... "I'm leaving... you don't have to see my face again!"

..

..

..

What _**just**_ happened? Sanem lied to me about being engaged, came to my house to steal a file... and Emre tells me she sold me out for 40k? Really, _**my**_ Sanem?!

I am blindsided, humiliated, devastated, angry as hell, going ape-shit crazy and losing self-control... she lied and toyed with me the WHOLE time we were together! I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean, treading choppy waters, with no life raft and no rescue in sight!

THIS explains why she was running away... there were warnings all over with yellow and red flags... and I ignored them all!

Forget her, I'm MAD at myself... for putting myself out there, trusting someone, making myself vulnerable and being made an idiot of...! Worst of all, she took my heart in her hands and cavorted with it... but I did give it away willingly!

This is not real... it can't be her, can it? But she didn't deny it... and owned up to all of it!

..

..

Good, she looks as sad and devastated as I feel on the inside... so that's that! She wants to talk to me, _now_... its a bit too late for that, no?! I have no interest in hearing her words... they're nebulous and dubious to me!

I've asked her not to address me so informally anymore... and Deren's picking up on the tension between us. She's being extra mean to her... and Sanem seems to think she deserves it!

Well, the klutz part is real... she was almost hit by a car today! I am glad, glad, really glad... that I was there to save her!

..

..

What the HELL is this new CRAP? What about her perfume? Did she really sell her perfume, my perfume, that was supposed to me mine... forever?! Now she's just about the money? IS she now with Fabri? I can't bear this... my head is exploding and every cell in body is asking me to run, far far far away from her!

But I'm riveted in place... ! I also gave dad my word and its now turning into a glutton for punishment!

..

..

What is this in the kitchen? She's left me a copy of Cemal Süreya's "Love Lyrics" (Sevda Sözleri) to read. A new **voodoo**, perhaps? Love, it's all such a _maya_... or is it just to and for me?! God, my mom and now Sanem have played Russian roulette with my heart! Am I about to live my love with sorrow, passion and loneliness?

But I can't put down that book... is she _that_ **innocent**? She can't be, can she?

She did say she loved me more that she loved herself... now which of that is a lie? I look at her... and I see the liar & deceiver... but I _hate_ to admit it, I also see _**my**_ Sanem!

..

..

What's this new deal? I hear Ceycey apologizing for _misinforming_ her about who threw the surprise birthday party. Is it possible that she was duped? She told me so herself... right before she decided to leave me for good!

That _expression _I'll never forget... **she's** hurt, prideful and resolute!

I have to have words with Fabri... and voila, he's here to finalize the partnership agreement. I tell him off... that what he did with Sanem is coercion, unprofessional and actual harassment. As we finish the conversation, in walks Sanem with the dress box.

Boy... does she rip Fabri a new one or what? Exact words as me "coercion" and I can't help but feel pride at her self-respect and standing up for herself! I linger to hear the full conversation... and she draws a clear line between not getting personal and remaining professional while working with her! Oh well, I _never_ got that lesson from her!

I can't help my face-splitting grin... I do know her and she's not for sale, at least not to Fabri.

A few minutes later...she's knocking on my door. She hands in her resignation and when I challenge her as to why, really why, she **rips me a new one** too! She says she doesn't want to work with someone who doesn't listen to her and value her opinion... and someone who doesn't try to understand her viewpoint, empathize or hear her side of things!

I'm stunned at her stubbornness, her resolve, her directness and her hurt that I wasn't there for her! Why do I feel like _I did_ something wrong here and not the other way around?

Then Leila enlightens me to the Emre and Aylin's partnership situation... and my world **collapses** in front of me!

Emre, **EMRE**, Emre is the instigator of all this mess... and he's used Sanem to cover his tracks!

..

..

I am mortified, ashamed, embarrassed and horrified by my actions! Once again... I'm humiliated, devastated and angry as hell at **myself**!?

Who have I become? This person blinded by anger that I couldn't see past the truth in front of me, someone who accuses _without_ learning about the whole situation! If that is NOT me... and who was I with Sanem? **Boy**, you fucked up... BIG time... and blamed the victim for the crime!

I drive over to the rocks by the bay hoping to get some clarity... and like pouring salt on the wound, she's there crying her heart out to the sea!

There she is... a short distance away physically but I created a huge metaphoric distance between us! Should I walk over? What do I say to her? I've been an idiot... I'll listen to you _now_?! What if she doesn't want anything to do with me? I behaved so badly... that I wouldn't want anything to do with me, let alone her! You need to leave now...screamed a voice inside my head... and this time I listen to it!

..

..

That evening and night is the most restless I've felt... ever! I keep saying that... but with Sanem I reach new levels of restlessness!

I have been a **super massive asshole** to her! I've yelled at her, belittled her, berated her, treated her unfairly, exposed her to malice and caprice... and she wanted to tell her version of the story... and I wouldn't give her the light of day!

GOD... I called her a liar, cheat, fraud and opportunist!

I fell in love with this girl for her angelic innocence and pure heart... and turns out she's far superior a creature than I deemed to know!

In her naiveté and lack of world knowledge, she trusted the wrong people. Specifically she had no reason to distrust Emre, the person her sister works for, never mind his nefarious reasons to screw me over! Why? We have long history of sibling rivalry and all of the fuck-ups of our parents and their divisiveness.

Sanem couldn't tell me the truth, I think, partly because she knew I wouldn't trust her _over_ Emre... and rightly so. In fact, I'm beginning to reckon, as someone she loves dearly, she was trying to protect my feelings that _my_ brother was betraying me... and hurting herself in the process!

She then got caught up in the web of lies... and couldn't get out if it, until it unraveled! When it did unravel, she seemed to have taken on all of the blame on herself !

She's the baby in her family and I'm sure she's been coddled by her parents, sister and friends! If at all she is to be blamed, it is her belief that everyone is good natured, being unable to face the conflict and explain her truth in a timely manner.

The lack of guile that I found most endearing in her, others like Emre and Fabri have taken advantage of and manipulated to their cause... it happens when she's so sweet, trusting and beautiful!

..

But I'm worldly and wise... what of _**my**_ manners? I've been blinded and was willful in hurting her. Now the tables have been turned on me... it's not her that left me, it's me that pushed and chased her away! I suspect no self-respecting woman will want to be with me after this, I have to live with myself for what I did to her!

..

**But wait a minute** : why did she think I was the evil king in the first place? She fell in love with me despite what she thought of me? So, she fell in love with me despite distrusting me? That will always leave us in an uneven keel in the relationship !

She did say that we **aren't a fit **for each other right after she said she loved me... is it possible that she's right?! Is it possible that she may settle for me and regret being with me later? I broke her trust after telling her so sincerely that I'll listen to her. I treated her so awful after telling that I don't care about her past... and that I'll never leave her!

..

I have to man-up... more so than I ever did before in my life! I need to **right a wrong** that I did to her... get her back to the agency, and to me?! I'll have to apologize to her for my bad behavior... and hope she forgives me!

..

..

She's back to work and we're stuck in a broken down elevator for hours. We have nothing but time and space to talk... or to fight our little hearts out!

..

I tell her : "I'm sorry, I have to apologize for my behavior"!

She asks me : "Why are **you** apologizing?" - That girl, that's _**my**_ Sanem!

..

..

_**Knowing**_ her, she'll make **me** her lifelong project if I let her, fall on the sword for me... so I _**play defense**_ and tell her that I can't trust her - what I really mean is that she can't trust me with her heart! The **brute** _**savage**_ I am is never far behind... and she deserves someone kind, loving and loyal... someone better than me! We've reached a truce... we'll be **friends**, for _life_!

..

..

I'm going to crush and obliterate each and every one that tries to use her... or get close to her. be it Sinan or that cucumber Fabri... why? She needs me... as her **special** _**friend**_!

..

..

Oh well... I spontaneously combust at the sight of her... what was I thinking again? _**Friends**_, for life?! NOT a fucking chance in the world... **I want her, all of her, to be all mine! **

..

..

I can be **mad at her**, nobody else.

I can **tease her to death**, nobody else.

I can **laugh at her quirks**, nobody else.

I can **protect her**, nobody else.

I can **take her around the world**, nobody else.

I can **smell her essence**, nobody else.

I can **kiss her**, nobody else.

I can **hold her dearly**, nobody else.

I can **tell her she's beautiful**, nobody else.

I can **bare my soul with her**, nobody else.

I can **ask her to me mine**, _NoFuckingBody_ else!

...

**Author's Note:** This is the story I've been writing for almost a month... still can't get it totally right, I think! Can's self-loathing at the end was the toughest... when he feels he doesn't deserve her love. I cried heavily every time I attempted to write it! I'm not into breakups, it feels like death to me and I didn't want to relive it!

Please vote if you liked it, comment if you loved it or disliked it...!

As always, I appreciate all feedback and thanks for reading to till here!


	25. Hunter's Pit : November 2018

I had proposed camping as a way of generating ideas for Campus Sport's marketing campaign. We are utilizing their camping and outdoor gear as inspiration to build a new image for the brand. After an hour long intense mental & physical treasure hunt in the woods, everyone's trickling back to the camp.

I expectantly look for Sanem in the dispersing crowd. A cold and eerie feeling comes over me... and my fears are realized when she's not among those that have returned from the hunt. I ask the group to standby for a minute while I try to call her on the phone. She's not answering her phone and it appears nobody has seen her in a while. I belay instructions for the group to search for her, in pairs, and to return within an hour to regroup or communicate when they find her.

..

I barge into the forest with a singular purpose and laser focus to find her, no matter what! I dread to even think about what could've happened. Knowing her... she's one that would trip over her own feet, her knees find the sharp edges, she'd slide down a cliff's edge, bump her head on visible doors and walls, she's always involuntarily falling into my arms waiting for me to catch her! Her being lost is an ominous sign... and I'm tracking her with every trick I know and using all the tools in my arsenal!

"**Sanem**"... I yell loud and clear into the still forest.. over and over and over again, pausing to hear a response, a whimper, something, anything... but nothing!

..

It's been thirty minutes and still no word of her... and the sun is starting to set. I'm _frantic_ with desperation... but keep telling myself to keep my shit together as she needs me now more than ever!

..  
..

I spot a few broken twigs, footprints and an odd track and step closer to explore. It looks like a trapping pit built by hunters... and I get closer to peak into it. And I see her, white jacket, curled into a ball... and she's clearly tripped and fallen into the pit. "Sanem, are you okay?", I shout... no movement or response from her. **Oh NO! **

My savage, neanderthal instincts kick into high gear... and all I want to do is get to her, hold her, make sure that she's alright... alive! I make a quick note there are no trapped animals or worse, snakes in the pit.

From the vicinity, I quickly gather the most green and freshly broken branches I can find, collect a few rocks and use my jacket to gather and drop them safely into the pit.

Using both hands and feet, I rappel down the narrow yet deep pit. Thankfully, it's rocky and rough, only five feet wide and I'm able to slide down to her relatively easily.

I'm there with her now... tenderly and carefully I touch her face to see if she's awake or coherent. She's starts to come out of the daze... upon my touch... and I want to hear her voice. "Sanem love... Are you okay?" I ask her, she winces painfully and says she's okay but says no more.

Feeling a huge relief, I hug her as safely as I can and start to talk to her "I'm here, don't panic, you'll be alright... I'm here"... "can you sit up?" She can and I help her... not letting go of her. I tell her again "I'm here... don't panic." She's in visible pain and I look her over and notice only a bump and blood on her forehead. I kiss her on her cheeks in an attempt to take her pain away... and she seems to become more lucid by the minute. "I'm here... you wait" .. kisses ... "I have something to do... then we'll get out of here, okay?" She nods and waits.

With the rocks, I make quick work of hammering the strong branches into the walls of the pit, making a step ladder to climb up and out of the pit.

Next I make sure that she can stand and hold onto me. I then lift and carry her on my back and proceed climbing up the makeshift branch ladder. She's very light, I'm on an adrenaline high, wanting her to be safe and out of danger... so that's a very easy climb, six hops and we're out of the pit!

Not a moment to lose, I hug her tightly and tell her she's okay and that we're safe. She gives me a weak smile as I scour her face for clues... and she says that she's really scared!

"**Oh no...baby, I'm here, I'll keep you safe**" says the voice inside my head as I hold onto her for dear life!

The others find us, and she's literally carried back to the camp and there's a flurry of activity surrounding Sanem. When our friends and colleagues had learnt that she had fallen into a pit, they had called an ambulance. It arrived promptly with an on-call Doctor in tow... as the incident sounded very grave and serious. It was... she could've been hurt badly or **worse**!

Over the next few minutes she's the center of everyone's attention... being checked for a concussion, treated for bruises and getting stitches for the gash on her forehead. She is in good hands and I step out of the way, suddenly feeling very thirsty and a bit breathless!

I turn the corner behind the ambulance... and I'm all alone. Suddenly, I can't breathe anymore, my back buckles and I fall to the ground on my knees... in total paralysis! My heart is pounding in my chest, tears in my eyes, I'm sweating profusely and shuddering and shaking in fits and shivers. A voice inside me is screaming "**she's safe, she's alive**" over and over again, interspersed with "**you almost lost her**"! A full blown panic attack... I've never experienced one before... and it takes me a long and slow fifteen minutes to become calm, almost!

She's okay... really, back to her playful and bashful self and I bring her hot tea and an ice pack. We chat for a bit... and I promise her that I'm not letting her out of my sight... at least in the mountains and woods!

..  
..

Later, I find her wandering in the woods, inebriated, having had a whole bottle of wine thinking it's fruit juice! A bit of friendly banter and I urge her to come back to the camp to sleep. She says "Water sleeps, but the enemy is sleepless!" I ask her what that means and she's proceeds to tell & show.

"**Can Divit, You're mine... and that's that**!" she says and plants a possessive & passionate kiss on my lips.

..

It's early for me but everyone in the camp is asleep and I'm lounging in the chair at the camp fire. After this harrowing day, I'm also leery of a fox attack on the camp. Also, my mind is still on a crazy roller coaster trip... and doesn't seem to be slowing down one bit!

Let's see:  
\- I'm the one who wanted to be friends with and not be her sweetheart.  
\- I'm the one who told her that I can't trust her.  
\- I'm the one who broke up with her.  
\- I'm the one who won't be able to forgive myself for letting her go alone into the woods.  
\- I'm the one who's had a paralyzing panic attack thinking about what could've happened to her!  
\- I'm the one who moved heaven and earth to save her!  
\- I'm the one who wants to keep her in my sights... .moment, forever!  
\- I'm the one who wanted to die in the pit if she was already dead!  
\- I'm the one who's mind, heart and soul glowed like a thousand suns when she woke up from the fall!  
\- I'm the one who's ecstatic and euphoric that she kissed me and claimed me as hers!  
\- I'm the one who Can't live without her!  
\- I'm the one who Can't let her go!  
\- I'm the one who's hers... unconditionally, irrevocably and eternally!

Hmmmm... now I'm the one who needs to tell her !?


	26. The Divine Mr Divit : 2018, Sanem

Author's Note : '**Bey**' is 'Mr.' in Turkish. Based on _fan_ requests, this is a rare one I've written from **Sanem's** POV

Until a few months ago, my work and life began and ended in the mahalle, our home and the grocery store, where I knew everyone and everyone knew me! I've always dreamt of going to the Galapagos and traveling the world... but I've not had the opportunity to do it!

Baba has been a bit sick lately and I'm happy to take the store and the stress off his hands... he's worked too hard to take care of us and it's my turn to help and give him relief! Added to that, the store has been leveraged in debt to take care of his medical expenses and it's been difficult on our family!

Somedays I feel absolutely helpless and unable to help my family financially! What is it that I can do to help them.. I wonder?! I've been focusing on writing and re-writing my romance novel, and for some reason, I Can't get **the** Albatross perfectly how I would like him... hmm!

..

My childhood fanatic aka Muzzo is bothering me more than I can imagine! He has access to me literally 24 hours a day and 7 days a week... and it's becoming increasingly more traumatic by the day. Now it's so bad, he wants to marry me with or without my permission!

I have to leave this circle and become independent in life, period!

..

Leyla, very reluctantly, is taking me the agency she works for an admin position they have open. My responsibilities will be to take care of the employees needs. I have to make photocopies, run errands, bring them things and manage the kitchen!

..

I've never seen a place like the agency, there's 100s of people working here... it's so lively, happening, full of energy and everyone is very friendly!

..

Leyla introduces me to Aziz Bey & his son Emre Bey, and it's a bit strange... he's getting fitted for a suit, in his office, I've never seen anything like it before! Entirely by accident, they learn about my eidetic memory and Emre Bey even tests me from the latest magazine.

I like Aziz Bey immediately; he has such an infectious laugh, a very kind face and open manners, he makes me the official "magazine girl" for the agency and addresses me as "daughter". Then he also invites me to the party they're having later that night for the agency's 40th anniversary celebration.

I've met _almost_ everyone today and made fast friends with Ceycey. He's nice, a bit quirky and dresses funny but he has taken me under his wing... he almost feels like an older brother!

..

I keep hearing that Aziz Bey has another son, Can Bey, a world traveler and adventure photographer, a "phenomenon", per Ceycey.

..

..

It's my second day on the job and I'm beginning to scope the kitchen. There's a lot of varieties of coffee but no Turkish tea! How strange... doesn't anyone drink tea anymore?

Guliz, Aziz Bey's assistant, is gossiping that Can Bey is about to become our new boss and elaborates a bit more about him. In short, he sounds to me like an aloof and arrogant, world-class snob! So I proceed to tell her all bosses are like that... and that I think he's coming into the office because he's probably tired of saving turtles and lions. Then one day soon he'll be tired of playing boss and leave again, I ask her not to worry!

Meeting Can Bey is one of **THE** most mortifying moments of my life...but never mind that! Oh WOW... he's really very handsome, _really_... looking at his face and into his eyes stunned me silent... and he took my breath and sense away!

But too late now... considering how I behaved, I'm certainly going to be **fired** for insulting the boss!

**Not the "**_**Other**_**" Girl**

I'm walking around with my "Not the Other Girl" sign and as I turn the corner, I crash into Can Bey! He catches me, holds me close and ensures that I've steadied myself. Have I? I can't get over how comfortable I feel in his arms!

..

He tricks me into giving him the sign and grimaces when he sees it. He's laughing _at _me and my lame attempts, he's certainly going to trash it!

..

I'm speechless as he hangs the sign on the skeleton lady prop! Now everyone can see it and **identify **you, he says!

Hmmm.. how dreamy to hear him say the words!

**Zen Corner**

I had worked really hard with Ceycey to setup a zen corner and a break area for my new work friends. They're sometimes stressed owing to the deadlines and I thought I could help by setting up a place for them to relax.

..

Deren Hanim wouldn't even acknowledge the space to the Assessors. I don't think she likes it or me very much... I wonder why! All my efforts have gone to waste... I think the space is very cozy... but I don't know much, do I ?!

..

Can Bey just found me crying and is trying to calm me down. He's touching my face, wiping away my tears... and it's really soothing to be in his arms, once again! He tells me the space is very cute and beautiful, like me, and that I'm very talented! I tell him I don't believe him, tear myself away from him and run away!

..

Did he actually say that to me ? **Talented! **But this can't be, Can it?

**Eidetic Memory "**_**Test**_**"**

Deren Hanim had ordered me to urgently make a 100 photocopies for the Chicken campaign. I'm rushing to deliver it to the meeting.

After I deliver it, Can Bey asks me to join the meeting much to Deren Hanim's chagrin. She doesn't want me in a creative meeting... after all, I am only their errand girl!

I am bit humiliated... but Can Bey overrules her. He then gets up from his seat to ensure that I can't leave and finds a seat for me. He explains that he'd like me to understand how the agency works and it's good to observe them this way!

..

It's fun being in the creative meeting... I've never experienced anything like it before! People are talking, exchanging ideas and building campaigns off of each others energies... I love it!

..

The creative people are challenged by all the stats and figures they have to review for the campaign. I tell them that I can help with that and everyone looks at me dubiously!

Can Bey challenges them to test me... and of course I remember everything!

..

Emre Bey says to me that Can bey is here to sell the agency. But Can bey **encourages **me and the others to do their best work! This man is so confusing...!

**Anonymous Entry: "Early Bird"**

We all submitted ideas anonymously for the "Early Bird" campaign. WOW! My story has been selected as the winner... I'm so happy, I could die!

..

Can Bey and I are not speaking terms, in fact we're in the middle of our war! I'm not feeling too confident about this; it was a good idea at the time, but I don't want to participate now... I'm not ready for it!

..

He just insulted me and told me he could get another chai-photocopy girl instead of me! He was so cold, hard and unkind to me... I have to leave this place!

..

Suck it up Sanem, Can Bey & even Deren Hanim selected _your _idea, anonymously! They're the experienced professionals and experts... maybe they know what they're doing ?!

..

I walk into the creative meeting very unsure of what to say... and the room is full of clients, strangers, and Can Bey is at the head of the table! Oh no... what do I say now?

Can bey asks me if I'm there for the creative meeting and I say yes, thank God, nice save! He then leads me by hand and introduces me to the meeting as the person who came up with the **brilliant** idea! I'm stunned, floored and speechless as everyone appreciates and congratulates me!

I thank them for their compliments and Can bey whispers... "Can you make Chai for me now?"

..

After a few minutes of chai & chitchat, he asks me if I'm ready. I say yes and he gives me _**his**_chair at the head of the table! I'm bewildered but he insists and helps me to the chair, like a gentleman!

..

He's angry at me one moment and **nurturing **me the next! With him, I'm able to explore areas beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone! This man is so contradictory!

..

I have to tell him the truth before we go any further... but I don't have the words to do it! I'm so scared, paralyzed in fear of losing him, what will I ever do without him?! Other than Baba, he's truly the **best man **I've ever known!

**Love is Love, Work is Work **

Apparently I'm not romantic any more... he just shot down my awesome idea of using Puppets for the campaign as a terrible idea and even tore up the materials!

..

He wants to meet me, I'm guessing to apologize for treating me badly! Oh not that... he wants to kiss and wants to be kissed!

..

He advises me to be true to myself and **write from my heart**! But my heart is with him, I've given it away and have not gotten it back... and I want him to keep it forever!

**Find Yourself**

I've had an eventful day: fallen and rescued from a pit, passionately kissed the man who rescued me from said pit and this drink that Deren Hanim has given me makes me feel funny! Can Bey is getting me Chai and I'm playing around with words in my head for the "Compass Sports" campaign.

**I got it**: **"Find Yourself" **

I tell him the slogan, he's all excited and gives me a massive hug! He says that he _knew _I could do it... and that he's very **proud **of me! Then he excitedly announces it to the whole group and everyone's hugging me in turns... and I feel so **accomplished**!

**Author's Note:** **Watch**Can, _very __**closely**_, towards the end, he invites **everyone** to hug her!

**Compass Sport Presentation: "Find Yourself"**

Someone has messed up my presentation...and I'm staring down a room full of skeptics and doubters including Deren, Aylin, Gamze & Ceyda!

I look for a friendly face in the crowd and I find his... and with his eyes he's _**telling **_me what I really needed to hear : "I trust you, you can do it, **GO FOR IT**!"

And so I **go **_**for **_**it**!

**With **this man, I feel totally invincible, on top of the world, I know that anything and everything is possible and I live in an everlasting universe!

He's treated me kindly and fairly the whole time I've known him and I've been extremely unfair to him and almost ruined his passionate career! We've gone through a lot together as colleagues, sweethearts, for a minute, as a betrayed-ex and as special friends.

We're destined to be **special** friends... but I can't help but dream to be this **man's woman**... that would be the **greatest honor **of my life!

**Can Bey and Can, **_**My**_ **Can**

I watch him mesmerized and hypnotized as to how he commands a rooms' attention. Yes, he's the boss but his attitude is not one of a man in a white collared shirt and a suit. He's so amiable, approachable, agreeable, genuine and honest that people trust him and share their ideas, freely and openly! Like Father, Like Son!

But I **know** him, really _**know**_ him where others don't! He's extremely kind hearted, a brilliant mind, an endearing spirit with an enchanting soul... and that body... ufffff... so _stupid_ hot and handsome!

And he's all mine, _hopefully_ **forever**!

**Author's Note: Sanem **knows him at work just as much as in life, but I wanted to share her career/journey.

In the work place Can Divit is çok harika, truly! He recognizes and grows talent, cares for his people, remains aloof from unwanted attention, and in a family-run business, maintains a _semblance_ of professionalism!

**PS: **Yes, I'm ignoring the not-so-thinly-veiled harassment of Sanem, but can you blame me?! **All is fair in love **! ?ￂﾠ

Hope you enjoyed it! Please vote, follow, comment and feedback! Know this = Your votes and comments are like a fuel to my mind ?


	27. Part 1 : Friendly Purgatory : Nov 2018

**Author's Note : This one is a POV sandwich = Can-Sanem-Can =**

**Part 1 of 2**

**Can Divit **

The **brute** _**savage**_ I am is never far behind... and she deserves someone kind, loving and loyal... someone better than me!

I justified our friendly truce by thinking I _**know **_her, she'll make **me** her lifelong project if I let her and she'll fall on the sword for me! What blows is my _**defense**_ in telling her I can't trust her... yes I really meant that she can't trust _**me**_ with her heart!

So we'll be **friends**, for _**life **_!? But I do **want** to be her lifelong project, just me, only me and her all for me, for **life**!

What the hell did I do? Am I not the one who wanted to be friends with and not be her sweetheart? This is what purgatory must be like... wanting her, having her close, smelling her essence every chance I get, touching her, spending all my time with her and claiming her time... but yet keeping her at arm's length and wondering if she'll meet someone else and fall out of love with me!

...

Well, there's a parade of male models for the Compass Sports campaign and the whole office is abuzz with some hot male specimens. I take quick stock of the situation with Guliz and Ceycey... and a glance once-over assures me that Sanem is not one of the oglers! This is good, I need to make sure that she stays busy and keeps her distance from _those_ types!

..

Oh... What the Hell? One of the male model recognizes her, calls to her by name and she's all excited to see him... and gives him a **huge** hug! Ok, I need to get there NOW and diffuse the situation... whatever the situation is, she's can't hug anybody other than me, I won't, can't allow it!

Sinan is his name and apparently he's her friend from **elementary** school. Oh... this is worse than I thought... she knows him from before me and they're **best** friends!

_**Hugging**_ her, again? Keep your hands off her, you **hedgehog**, with the bad posture, deer caught in the headlights look, constipated stance and all that stupid hair!

**Beautiful**?! Of course she is... but what's it to you _**man**_? She used to play with him wearing short shorts... what the hell?! He thinks she's beautiful and he's seen her half-naked, of course when they were kids, but still this can't be, I need to shut him down, now!

**Love**, did she just say the word _**love**_ out-loud, with Sinan present? That's it, I'm taking him out to the parking lot now and going to beat him to a pulp!

Oh wait a minute... they're making coffee plans with each other? Hey I'm standing right _**here**_!

What happened to your eidetic memory now, woman? I ask her if she needs to be reminded about the motorcycle driving lessons... with me!

That damn **hedgehog** is persistent and is trying to make future plans... and I take control of the situation and tell him of her immense work responsibilities and that Sanem has no time for anyone... anyone other than me!

Sanem gets the cue and leans in to Euro-kiss him on the cheeks and tries to give him a huge hug, again... **NOOOOoooo... **!

Oh well, I could _**just**_ not hire him for the job... now can I? But I need to keep him close, watch him, _**kill him**_, if needed!

...

GOD, I'm stuck... now I have to teach her to ride the motorcycle! I can't imagine her on the roads without _my_ protection and with her abysmal hand-eye-leg coordination, I'll die of a heart attack thinking about her state when I'm not around her! I'd like to have the lifelong job of driving her around... hmmm, how can I?

...

We're shooting the campaign and while I'm teaching Ceycey... I spy Sanem and Sinan chatting away in the corner! I yell at them to be professional... and they both join me immediately.

..

I can't get the right pose with this guy Sinan, he's in fact like a human hedgehog, all tense and I ask him to stretch and relax. He agrees and relaxes... and actually looks pretty good!

Sanem is challenging me as to why I'm treating the "boy" so badly! The "boy"... he's a boy now? And then she tells me that I'm jealous of him because I think he is handsome! WTF? Me, jealous of this hedgehog... no way, I tell her!

I still can't get the right pose... and now I tell him that he looks like he's been caught cheating in class and looks guilty! But now I need him to look like a savage, like the ones on the show "Survivor". He just stands there, confused and lost, and I go in for the kill!

While Sanem is watching... I tell him he looks like the lead hero of one of _**those**_ movies: "the cheap, low quality, b-grade third-rate movies, slum, horror movies" !

She is shocked and he's demoralized... just the way I like him! That'll teach him to stay away from my girl! I can't let it go that she thinks that I think that he is handsome! What nonsense! I ask her if she thinks he's handsome... OH, can I handle her response if she says yes?

Sanem says that she doesn't find him handsome and I believe her... my blood pressure is lowered to 120 now, that's good! But hey... wait a minute! So who does she think is handsome then?

Her answer is "**You**" immediate without hesitation and a weight has been lifted from my body, heart, mind and soul... and I'm soaring like the Albatross again! _**My girl**_... she tells me the exact thing I want to hear when I need to hear it!

** .LOVE!**

She's a bit embarrassed that I put her on the spot, like when she drunkenly kissed me, and I tell her there's no reason to be embarrassed about the truth... and in fact, she's **beeauuuutiful** to me!

Ok hedgehog, I _release_ you from the cage... I can be magnanimous now, she doesn't care for you... I'm the only one on her mind! I tell Sinan that I torture my models (haha... _**not really**_, only him) to get the exact results I want!

**Sanem Soysal**

Can wants to be friends with me, _special_ friends, he calls it... I'm not understanding what that means, at all! But his list of **friends** is _endless_... but he qualifies me as his **special** friend... so there's that!

Like I told him when we were stuck in the elevator, every woman other than me knows more about him. Let me see who I already know... meerkat Polen, leech Deren, bambi Gamze, and the biggest of them of all, Piranha Ceyda and whoever else I don't know!

I'm dying to learn more about Gamze... and he volunteers the story of how he knows her. Apparently, she was the girl friend of his friend from college... so that's that! Can would never date, would he, a girl that was with his friend, right? Was he a normal friend or special friend? I wonder!

..

Ceyda has gotten so close to Can and even smelt his perfume, my perfume, on him! He openly tells me about it... and that it happened because she Euro-kissed him on both cheeks! Just cheeks, I ask him?!

..

Can is being interviewed at the gym, at the gym, _**Really**_?! And I learn that a certain Piranha has decided to meet him there and learn a few moves from him. Oh... what can I do about it? I've lived with the fact that I'm a klutz for a long time. But for once I'm hating it, I can't compete with the **commando** girls that are around him that go to the gym, go cave diving, camping and climb mountains with him!

Ah, he's done boxing and he's taking a break from her! Now I'm going to ask him to show me a few moves and **kick **_**his**_ **ass** for not inviting me to the gym!

Oh well this turned out very interesting?! How did I end up on **my ass** and with him on top of me? Well, I feel him, all of him, his pounding heart which is matching its rhythm with mine... we're both breathless and I can smell the man and nearly taste him! I want him to kiss me and make me his... but _something_ stops me from crossing that line with him, again!

...

Ceyda, Can & I are sitting in a triangle formation, she's next to him but I'm directly across from him. Can's being interviewed for the magazine and the topic takes an interesting turn from professional to personal.

The interviewer just asked him straightforward if there are marriage plans in his future.

C: "I'm free and wild like a mustang... and don't like to be reined in... that's my idea of marriage!"

OH! Wait a minute... he's like a _**mustang**_, not an **Albatross**?

The interviewer follows up with a question about the type of woman who can change his mind about marriage and his words flow freely!

C: "Lively and full of energy is more important than her appearance and beauty..."

My heart stops... so, I'm not beautiful _**enough**_ for him!

C: "She should be spontaneous with child-like enthusiasm, compassionate, thoughtful and openminded, strong and yet graceful as a gazelle! "

Whoa...I'm definitely no **gazelle** as the bruised knuckles are proof!

Can's describing someone _**else**_ entirely and may be it is Ceyda! I see her face light up when he speaks... and my world comes to a standstill!

Can Divit has moved on from me and is truly _**only**_ my special friend!

I want to pick myself up and run as fast as I can from there but I'm riveted on the spot unable to process his cutting words!

...

C: "And her scent, it is most important to me! When I breathe in her scent, it should help me survive the rough seas and soothe me like a meadow of wildflowers, cure me and feel like home ... she should have a special essence! "

**Kokun**... is he talking about me? My heart whispers that it is me, but I can't trust it anymore, only him and his words have meaning to me!

C: "May be that's why I travel the world looking for the woman of my dreams, hoping to find the one that belongs to me but is not mine yet!"

Can **looks at me** when he says the last bit and my broken heart blooms with hope and a prayer!

**Can Divit **

I really don't like doing interviews but Ceyda insists that the publicity is good for the agency and our campaign... so I capitulate to her request! The _curiosity_ that is Sanem joins us at the interview and I introduce her to the group as _my_ very special colleague and important member of the agency.

The interviewer just asked me _**very**_ straightforward if there are marriage plans in my future... whoa, start with a lowball question lady! But she's persistent... and I get the feeling the Ceyda has a role in the questions being asked... she did, after all, arrange this interview! Guess what, _**neither**_ of you is getting _**anything**_ from me today!

C: "I'm free and wild like a mustang... and don't like to be reined in... that's my idea of marriage!"

The interviewer follows up with a question about the type of woman who can change my mind about marriage. Oh this is **easy**...the woman of my dreams is sitting right _**there**_... across from me and looking at me intently and expectantly! So, now I have to **go for it**...

C: "Lively and full of energy is more important than her appearance and beauty..."

But _**my girl**_ is beautiful inside and out...

C: "She should be spontaneous with child-like enthusiasm, compassionate, thoughtful and openminded, strong and yet graceful as a gazelle! "

OH... why has Sanem's face and demeanor gone from being radiant and blooming to a shriveled flower? She must know I'm talking about **her**... doesn't she?

...

C: "And her scent, it is most important to me! When I breathe in her scent, it should help me survive the rough seas and soothe me like a meadow of wildflowers, cure me and feel like home ... she should have a _**special**_ essence! "

C: "May be that's why I travel the world looking for the woman of my dreams, hoping to find the one that belongs to me but is not mine yet!"

I look at Sanem for a brief moment and we make eye contact... her blooming smile makes my heart melt and explode with joy!

...

...

The world fades away... there's just the two of us, only us and nobody else in that moment!

I tell that she is so **so** _**so**_ beautiful and then she shyly tells me I'm _**very**_ handsome!

**We kiss our way out of the purgatory towards heaven! **

**Author's Note:** I loved making those graphics about the meerkats, leech, bambi, piranha and the hedgehog!

Hope you enjoy reading my work... thanks for spending your time with me!

**Please follow, vote, add to list, comment & provide feedback!**

**XoXo, DR **


	28. Part 2 : Ballad of East & West, Jan 2019

**Part 2 of 2**

**Author's Request: Please** read Part 1: "**Friendly Purgatory**" and **"All Happy Families are Alike"**, links are top comment.

"**But**?" "_**But**_ what?" Did she just reject my proposal? I'm left speechless, in abject and bitter shock!

And then she leaves urgently with Leyla because Mevkibe-Hanim has suddenly fallen sick. I desperately wanted to go with her but I'm apparently the reason her parents are not getting along! Oh joy... more people that have a problem with me!

..

Sanem was getting ready to tell me something and now I wonder what secret she has to tell me. Especially in _that_ moment when I've asked her the most **important** question of my life : "Will you marry me?" Oh, I'd hate to think _**that's**_ not the most important answer she'll have to give me!

..

So to say that I'm confused, lost, irritated and confounded by her is the understatement of the century! She looked incandescently happy two seconds before I popped the question and I was _so_ sure that she wanted me like I want her! It's not like I proposed that we live in together or become lovers... it is in fact marriage and lifelong commitment that I am offering her!

As if this is the first time I'm asking her, I already told her that we should get married by the rocks on the bay. Well, she did laugh me off that time, this time she almost cried her way out!

Not knowing _**why **_is even worse than being rejected... why doesn't she want to marry me? Is she embarrassed by me, my love, the way I love... ! Who is she expecting me to be like ?

..

Her mom is doing well... so I really _really_ need an answer or an explanation for her decision to reject _me_.

WTF? Why is this on Huma? Why is her approval so important to Sanem? If I don't care for Huma's approval, but why does Sanem?

She's making a lot of excuses... and the thing is, I've always been straight and direct with her. She's never had any reason to doubt or even wonder about my feelings for her... I've been absolute and total in my devotion to her. So I can only conclude that we want different things in life and she doesn't feel the same way that I feel about her!

Is this the Sanem I know? That's _**not **_her, is it? She's played roulette with my heart before... but she did that for me, for my love... and so how can she be rejecting my love now?

..

I need a change of scenery, need to clear my head and process the fact that I manned-up and asked a woman to marry me and she rejected me outright! Her energy is different now, maybe she regrets falling in love with me, yet again! She was _probably_ happy being friends and I switched and accelerated the timeline on her... I went too far, too fast, too deep and too soon!

Do I want to take it **back**? No...I don't think so, _**do I **_? The girl owns my body, heart, mind and soul... and she's playing with my spirit! One moment she's nurturing, advising and caroling around me and the next we end up _here_. But this is all of her, however she is, I want her to be all mine!

..

The scotch is definitely not helping the vacuum in my heart. I can't go to the mountain hut as it is still decorated for the proposal and I can't go home. I _**need**_ company, but not the type of company that'll ask me questions, try to make me feel better or try to fix me... I need her, but I won't be seeing her _again_ tonight!

..

Ceyda just called to ask where I am and it looks like she's looking for company. This is perfect, I can keep my distance, but not be alone and it would help to see a friendly face. _Friendly_? It's _interesting_ for me to meet Ceyda knowing Sanem will not like it. But this day could've gone so many different directions, least of which is the state of it now, and Sanem doesn't have the right, not yet, to tell me who I can and cannot meet for drinks!

..

I'm tired, alone and lonely and the one person that can make it all wonderful is the one that has caused all of this hurt and consternation! Ah... Sanem... AH, why don't you want me?

..

My phone rings, it's like she heard my question out loud over the universe, and it's her calling to ask how I'm doing. How do you think I'm doing sweetheart? I tell her I'm alone, and just in time and perfectly timed, Ceyda walks in with a clear and loud "Selam"!

..

I know Sanem is probably worried and a _bit_ jealous. Why do I get such a twinge of pleasure thinking about it? Be **cool** man... wheeeww, she still wants me... if so... come and claim me if you can and dare, sweetheart!

So Ceyda knows that Sanem and I had a fight, hmmm, who told her? I wonder.

She's trying to bring false equivalency with me by saying we both love our "freedom"! Do I love my _freedom_? At this moment, I'd do anything and everything to be attached to a certain girl I know, who I love and who owns my heart. I wouldn't want to be free from and of her even if we're on the Titanic!

Oh, what were you thinking dumbass, you opened a door and of course she's making a pass at you! Sanem is right about her; she is a piranha, looking for blood in the water and going in for the kill! I adore brave women who are outspoken but I abhor women who are overt and opportunistic. Ceyda knows I'm with Sanem, we've had a quarrel but that doesn't mean that I'm _available_!

**Author's Note: THAT** how he shuts her down is so curt, decisive, respectful and simply brilliant! Men being harassed is often under-represented and this was a great moment of where he's being a gentleman and she's clearly not a lady!

...

This night went from awful to worse, I need to leave now... no choice but to go back to the mountain hut, anywhere but here! WTF? Is that Sanem hiding in the white car? I get off the taxi and it is in fact her! As expected, she's backed the car into a tree in panic... some things never change!

I can't help the grin that escapes my face... she's here, possessive, jealous and insecure about me! There's much to be said of a Turkish woman's jealousy... it's a million times more powerful than that of a Turkish man's version.

But once again, verbal diarrhea and total bullshit comes my way when I ask her why she's here! Happy though I am to see her, I'm not going to indulge in her nonsense. I tell her I'm disappointed that she doesn't trust me and she's immediately on the defense... but I'm not having it, not after this day!

So, I **rip her a **_**new**_ **one**! I gave you everything today morning, WOMAN, and you threw it away... and now you're spying on me? This is beyond belief! I tell her I'm lonely, and the fact is, she's the reason for my being so! I'm taking no prisoners tonight... I want her to hear that she hurt me terribly and I don't believe her reasons, not for a minute!

She completely surprises me, yet again, sincerely apologizes for spying on me and concedes that she was jealous because she loves me too much! Now what can I say to that? I thaw a little bit and ask her if she needs me to drop her home.

She hesitates and I realize that I can't take her to the mahalle because of the rumors and gossip! WTH?! Is she ashamed of me, my love for her? How can something so pure be corrupted? I don't get it... I'm back to being mad at her again and before I say or do something worse, I'm going to walk away!

..

Morning comes along... and I'm no better! I'm sad, hurt and disappointed and Emre, Emre, _yes_ **Emre**, gives me a pep talk! While we think big picture, women are about the details he says and he wonders if I know the details!

He is actually making a little sense and then comes the biggest "aha" moment from my brother who knows me well... _enough_!

I've gone with the flow of life, wherever it took me, no agenda, rules, timelines, expectations, shackles or rigid plans. So, now why is this different? Why am I trying to fit my relationship with her into a mold? Why does this part have to be linear? Fall in love, court and marry, in that order? Why does it have to be so? Am I afraid to lose her? I'm trying to hold on too tight, squeezing her and it's possible she'll escape through my fingers. _That _I can't have... I can't live without her and I have to learn to sway, bend and stay harmonious like the grass on the banks of a river!

She may not have said yes to my proposal, but I can see that she's dying for my attention, I've haven't thawed towards her and have been really cold to her all day. I'll take her any way I can get, and I have no ego left in me when it comes to her! She literally has all of me... and I have no shame, fear or restraint in giving myself away to her, fully and irrevocably!

My Sanem... she needs to be cherished, coaxed and cajoled, not coerced, into becoming mine!

She's leaving early for the day, comes to say goodbye and tells me in a reassuring way that she loves me very much and I believe her **wholeheartedly**.

I share my experience seeing the confluence of the Marañón and Ucayali rivers to become the _**mighty**_ Amazon. It is one of the most chaotic places on earth... and I draw a parallel that we're like the rivers trying to merge. Hence the uncertainty, the chaos, losing ourselves a bit... and I'm certain we can forge a calmer and harmonious path for the future! She's speechless and placated by my words... and surprisingly I feel really lighter and better too!

I'm on my way to meet with friends at the photography club and she calls me and I sense she wanted to hear my voice. She seems to have forgotten that I had plans today evening and she is inviting me home to celebrate a special occasion!

OH! What's this? Leyla is getting engaged... to Osman? When did this happen? Does Emre know, I wonder?!

Sanem has invited me to their **Görücülük **(go between, to ask a girl's hand in marriage) in her home with her parents. I've never been to a ceremony like this before in my life and there's no way I can't go now and I want, more than anything, to be a part of this family, her family!

I'm ecstatic, this is progress, her parents want to see me there with Sanem, and considering how family is paramount to my girl, even Huma, I have to be there to experience this moment with her!

..

..

Turkey is where **east meets west**... and the mighty Bosphorus Bridge is a symbolic and real bridge between the contrasting and diverse cultures.

I'm more **Western** and liberal in lifestyle and upbringing and Sanem's been raised **Eastern** and conservative! I wear shoes inside the house and her family even asks guests to leave their shoes at the door. She spits on a knife to protect against discord and believes counting stars is bad luck! These girls get married and leave their parents' for their husband's home, that's simply how Sanem has been raised! That also explains why Sanem, even with all her dreams and aspirations, has not traveled the world, because she's not _allowed _to travel alone, by herself!

I'm Turkish by birth, while part of _**my**_ culture is familiar to me, there are other parts that are very alien! Sanem is my ambassador to Turkey, literally, and every moment is a new learning and an experience for me!

..

..

..

** .GOD! **Did I say experience? I was wrong... its more like an explosion!

A heart-stoppingly sexy and glamorous angel in red opens the door for me... and my wits are scattered on floor, I'm unable to take my eyes off her!

I simply can't _resist_ the urge to touch her and that **eye-catching** pendant gives me an opportunity and she returns the favor in kind! My heart tells me, loud and clear, she's all mine, completely, totally, for sure... one day, _soon_, **forever**!

A bit of small talk and we collect ourselves and go in to meet the family!

This is _**very**_ odd! The men-folk are all seated together and it's the grooms' family. The women of the brides' family and the bride-to-be are nowhere to be found. I say hello to everyone : Ayhan, Osman, Ceycey, Nihat-Bey and _Muzzo_.

I may have been raised more formally but my **Western** values kick-in as I'm not used to the segregation of genders and the formalities surrounding it, so I ask to see Mevkibe-Hanim and Leyla.

I find them in the kitchen bickering over how to make espresso, just a typical day, and we're really happy to see other & I'm glad to see that Mevkibe-Hanim is doing great! Seeing them struggle, I tell them that I can be "Chef" Can and _can_ help make the best Greek-style Espresso for them!

**Author's Note: **THIS is why I **LOVE** Can Divit! He has no airs or gender bias, none at all! In fact, he's such a gentleman and he gravitates towards the women! I **LOVED **_**LOVED**_ this bit!

..

The events that follow next are all new to me. I've never seen or been invited to a ceremony like this... and I'm lost, totally! Sanem's drinking Chai with me and so that's the only familiar thing about it!

Osman asks for Leyla's hand in marriage of Nihat-bey and he in turns looks to Mevkibe-Hanim for approval. After he agrees, the only things Nihat-bey requests is that they live close-by, both his daughters, as he can't be separated from them! Fathers and daughters, I witness such a divine and unbreakable bond between them... and that room is overflowing with love, excitement the possibilities of new beginnings!

Then there's an engagement ribbon, hugs, kisses, espresso, sweet treats and blessings! The _**ceremony**_ is warm, loud, happy, simply, touching and so so so full of love!

I follow and observe Sanem like a **hawk,** her expressions, what makes her emotional, happy, fulfilled and she's totally embossed and enclosed in unconditional love!

..

After I drop off Emre at home, I reflect deeply on the happenings of the last 2 days and how things have transpired. Sanem's family is steeped in Turkish traditions that have been followed for generations whereas mine is a modern _broken_ family!

I start to read more about their value system and also realize that younger siblings do not get engaged or married, usually, before the older ones. So I speculate that Sanem refusing my proposal, apart from her feelings about Huma, is also about Leyla and her status.

While my Western ways, which I know and endorse, that her opinion and wishes matter on her choice of groom, husband and partner, it also has to coexist in her Eastern ways of asking her parents permission to marry. It's a right of passage for her, her parents and I'm guessing for _me_!

..

Everything happens in three's for us. I told her I loved her, she rejected me. Then we started our war. Then she came to me and told me she loved me more than she loved herself!

Now, I've suggested marriage by the rocks on the bay, she laughed it off! Then I asked her and she faux-rejected me.

So, **third** time's the _**charm**_?

When she is ready, I'd like to become deserving of her**, **to be the one to pray request her parents for **Görücülük**, her hand in marriage and the honor of sharing my life with her, as her husband!

**Author's Note:** EK 28 is **gut-wrenching** for Can & Emre Divit, loving and romantic for Leyla and Osman, so familial, congenial, cry-worthy and celebratory for the Aydin family.

This episode is author-backed for Can Divit and Can Yaman, "boy wonderful"™️! Can is vulnerable, hurt, lost, irritated, dark, light, reflective, cold, **Hot**, cute (Greek espresso anyone?), touching and spectacular in **EVERY **scene! Baya baya iyi, cok Harika!

**My prediction** is that Can Divit won't ask her again. She'll tell him "**qabul**" on her own volition and he'll know what to do next!

Rudyard Kipling is **wrong** in saying "East is East and West is West and **never** the twain shall meet". The Internet and the 21st century are a great juxtaposition of Eastern & Western cultures, the diversity and differences, and the best of both worlds!

"Asking for the girl" is a practice common in South East Asia as well, a remnant of the arranged marriage practice. But a man asking for his father-in-law-to-be's permission for his daughter's hand is a time honored tradition across cultures!

**PS: **My **parents** _**never**_ met my DH! My DD and him _**missed**_ each other by 3 months! Even to this day, I wonder how their relationship would have been if they had met before my Darling-Dad died!

Berat Yenilmez as Nihat _kills_ it all the time in the dad scenes and I'm starting to cry when I see him nowadays!

Hope you enjoy reading my work... thanks for spending your time with me!

**Please follow, vote, add to list, ****comment** **& provide feedback!**

**XoXo, DR **


	29. Achilles Heel : Circa 2001 – 2019

**Author's Request: **Please read the below 2 stories before reading this story for more gravitas! Top comment is the link to the stories.

= Can & Emre Divit, Oct 1998 : "Invisible Fracture" **and **Can Divit, April 2001 : "Unfamilial" =

Sanem's been at the door too long... and I miss her even for the minute she's not with me. Let me see what's taking her all this time...!

**DAMN**... **WHAT is this woman doing here?**

I have not seen Huma in almost 2 decades! We had the occasional phone call when I was younger, and then after she got remarried, she literally had no time for me! I was and am the forgotten son and my feelings are reciprocal to her!

Then she just waltzes in here as though we saw each other only yesterday and tries to hug me like we are long lost friends! I'm not having it... and she's already treating Sanem like she's the household help... she's just unbelievable...!

...

I need to retreat, think, analyze and deal with the arrival of Huma and I leave with Sanem wanting to go to the mountain hut. I offer to take her home but she wants to be with me. **Wow**... she's like a soothing balm on a cut and burn that has been reopened and that refuses to heal! I don't need others but I desperately need her now... with me, for me and need to be held by her!

I'm trying to gain control over my senses... and they're a turbulent tornado and a chaotic mess and I'm trying to deal with all of the questions that have risen in my mind! I need to channel all the negative energy and redirect all the toxicity towards something... yes, let me chop some firewood so we can be warm together!

Sanem is extremely worried about me and she's trying to engage me in conversation... but I am so distracted.

**Why does this woman still affect me after all these years? **

Sanem has a crazy story to tell me about how she met Huma in the mahalle, something about a cat named Bonchuk and that they had a fight over Huma's mistreatment of the cat! Knowing Huma and Sanem, I am certain that Sanem was justified in her actions... and I tell her so, categorically!

I tell her that Huma is _**just**_ a biological **fact** and it makes no difference to me, absolutely, whether she likes Sanem and approves of her and her family. She has no say and no business interfering in my life, none whatsoever, and I ask that she should ignore her!

**What was Huma doing in the mahalle? **

Sanem won't let it go and elaborates further... and it occurs to me that they've met before because of Huma's deliberate actions! Huma wouldn't be a 100 km from the mahalle even if her life depended on it... so it is strange, but knowing her, I'm guessing she wanted to snoop on Sanem's family, understand their status, determine if they have money and judge them for their class! She's just as shallow as I remembered her but why the sudden interest in my life ?!

...

Sanem is still trying to explain to me that Huma could have changed... grown to become a better person, what not, that's her naiveté talking and her belief that everyone is inherently good! Fat chance of that... I know Huma all too well... and the last 5 minutes are proof that she's not changed at all!

Sanem is so warm, innocent, pure and loving and Mevkibe is such a loving, overbearing and doting mom, that she won't be able to even _remotely_ understand the selfish, self-centered, narcissist that is Huma!

There's no forgiving Huma as that woman has ransacked and ruined my heart!

...

In that moment, I realize the acute and basal need I have for me to be accepted, loved and understood by Sanem, and nobody else in the world matters to me more than her! She's the center of my existence, has all of my love and holds my spirit and soul in her delicate, loving and endearing heart and soul!

And so I tell her... and it's the utmost _**truest **_thing I've ever spoken in my life!

...

I'm back home after Emre tells me Huma's left and we catch-up before going to sleep.

Of course Huma has an end game... I knew it and know her all too well! She's divorced and wants to be consoled and that's why she's here... and wanting to see me is just another false pretense! _**Ahh**_ the Huma I know... just as manipulative as ever!

...

**What is this fresh hell? What is Huma doing at the agency?**

And now, now, _**now**_... she seeks to give me attention and demands respect from me! That boat has come, docked, sailed far far away and has been sunk into the deep end of the ocean!

...

Seeing Huma in contrast with Sanem is making my love for her and her love for me all the more special, and once in a lifetime! My girl, she's so warm, tender, kind and protective of me... and last I checked, she only wanted my heart, mind, spirit and soul!

Ufff... I wish she wants my body just as wholly... but that'll have to wait! But I can't resist watching her and she's trying to help me concentrate on work... and work is the last thing on my mind!

Sanem, her lips, her essence... her, did I mention all of her?! That's what is on my body, mind and heart! Why do I suddenly want this woman so _**badly**_?

...

I hear a ruckus in the work area and it appears Huma and Aylin are terrorizing everyone, including Sanem and Leyla, and telling them their ideas and approach are cheap and tacky! _**Hah**_, the pot is calling the kettle black... and class, that is exactly what Huma lacks in spades!

I ask them not to interfere in the agency business and Huma immediately calls my dad incompetent and disparages him!

My energy is being sucked out by the second and I get a boost from the Chai made by my beloved Sanem!

**What can one say to such a woman?**

I'm thoroughly embarrassed, angry, contemptuous and bitter as hell at Huma's behavior towards everyone!

I need to set this right, set her right, make it clear that there's no inveigling back into my life, meddling with my love and I want her out of my sight, pronto, at all costs... or I'll leave with Sanem and never return!

...

This day keeps getting better by the minute, seriously! Mevkibe Hanim who is such a loving, empathetic and caring woman, senses trouble and brings us, me specifically, her homemade cabbage rolls!

She doesn't ask me what's going on directly and neither is she here to snoop or spy unlike some others I know! I can see that she's merely there to make sure I'm okay and I'm like a little boy who feels better after eating her lovingly prepared comfort food!

She's also there to ensure that her girls are being treated properly after Huma's spiteful behavior in the mahalle! ** . **! How do I make Mevkibe-Hanim feel secure that her girls are truly respected and cherished?

I have to... it's my duty and responsibility now to ensure that Sanem is treated like a queen... that is what she is to me, my queen and the master of me!

...

Sanem is so tense and I find it unbearable... has Huma affected her so much? I'll have to do everything in my power to reassure her that I'm hers, only hers, no matter the circumstances!

I warn Sanem against trusting Huma ... as she's so gullible and thinks she can "**fix**" our relationship! I'm trying my best to help her understand that decades of neglect coupled with retaliatory, alienating, conniving and conspiratorial behavior and treating me like a "_**hobby**_" simply cannot be addressed, understood, corrected and forgiven, ever!

My inner voice tells me that if Huma behaves _perfectly_, and the dominoes fall where they may, she has a _chance _to get in my good graces in about 20 years!

...

This night, after Sanem leaves and Huma returns _home_, I retreat to the mountain hut. I find the last photo of Emre, Huma and I together and it's really really old... maybe from 2001!

Looking at the photo brings me much needed clarity and a sudden urge to do the thing I've been wanting to do for weeks! Seeing Huma after all these years makes me recognize and miss the love, care, acceptance and belonging I've been searching for all these years!

Since the day I met her, Sanem has become the **center** of my world... _existentially_ and figuratively! I fall deeply and more desperately in love with her everyday... her incredible beauty, raw brilliance, extremely kind heart, angel-like innocence, incurable sweetness... I want her to be _**all**_ mine!

I want to **belong **to her... and her to _belong _to me, irrevocably, unconditionally, fully and completely, forever! I'm not a believer in society's labels for what we have together and feel for each other! Some call it husband and wife, others call it partners, and some others call it lovers... and no matter what the label is, I believe I'm hers and she's my one and only love, now, tomorrow and forever, my soulmate!

I want her to be **my family**... and me to be hers! I'm going to ask Sanem to **marry me** and become mine forever!

**Author's Note: **This was a really tough one for me to write & I actually went there _**there**_, where I didn't want to go! But in order to be a good writer and story teller, you also have to write about topics that are terribly uncomfortable! I also did a word play on the word "mom" and used it very sparingly so as to not disparage the word!

I lost my own mom when I was 10 and so I **love and **_**idolize other people's **_**moms** \- in real life, my friends' who are moms, on TV, movies, and even in animation, books and art... and I stood riveted, for almost an hour, viewing the _Pietà_ by Michelangelo at the Vatican!

I didn't think their relationship was irredeemable before EK27. But Huma's character is written so well and so bad, that there's no way to turn it around quickly!

Quick Update after I received a few comments & feedback : Huma is a **BEE** with an **ITCH** ! There, I feel so much better now ? ﾟﾘﾆ?

There's more history for sure... that's why I called her all sorts of names : shallow, manipulator, classless, alienator, and mother of it all, a narcissist!

I did this piece for Can Divit... I can't get into Huma's head anymore, it goes against all of my ethos to write bad about women and moms. So the actual incidents and her depravity is irrelevant to me!

Thanks for reading so far... I hope you "enjoyed" it! Please vote, comment, follow and add to reading lists!

As always, I thank you for your time, support and encouragement!

Xoxo, DR!

If you're wondering :

\- Nemo's mom in "Finding Nemo" was named Coral

\- Norma is the name of the mom from "Wonder Years"

-Pamela "Pam" Katsopolis Tanner is the mom from the original "Full House"


	30. Devil&Angel on each Shoulder:EK30 Parody

**Author's Note:** I wrote an alternate/variation to **"Once Bitten, Twice Shy, Thrice the Fool" (previous post) **but the timing was off to publish it earlier. But EK 30 changed ALL that in the first 5 minutes and hence here's the IRL/updated version.

I **love** Can Divit, _**period**_! I've already written ~60,000 words on, about and for him! I know he's generous, kind, gorgeous, flawed and imperfect! Now, **Can & I **... **we're on a mini-break**!

**From/Address,**

_**The **_**Devil, Omnipresence and Hell.**

**...**

**To/Address,**

**Can Divit, Istanbul and Rotten Earth.**

_**My **_**Dear Can,**

You know I have your best interests at heart, always! So, below is a 10-point list of everything wrong with Sanem and why she's really **really **_**really **_bad for you. I hope you read, acknowledge and act according to my advice.

**1\. Sanem lies, white lies, simple lies, black lies, lies ALL the time**

Yup, Sanem lied to you, repeatedly, and kept a secret from you! This is the second time she's betrayed your trust... that's just simply unforgivable! You simply will not allow it to happen a third time! The last time she lied, she was protecting you from your brother's betrayal, supposedly, so I say, fair enough! But what's her reason this time? Who and what was she protecting you from? I tell you man... she's too far gone this time, to a point of no return into the deep abyss!

Can Divit can be fooled once, maybe twice, for the third, he's getting the hell out of town...hey, rats do leave a sinking ship after all?!

**2\. Thank **_**God **_**she didn't accept your proposal**

Man, did you actually propose marriage to this woman? Wow... how wrong were you in judging her character? Would you have gone through with marrying her if she had accepted?

Boy, I'm so glad that you actually listened to her when she didn't want to announce your relationship to the mahalle and her parents. Now you're just disappointing her, one less person to worry about, rather than her entire clan! As it is, that's more commitment than you were ready for, no?!

**3\. I think you need to leave, **_**NOW**_**!**

Off to London and then roam the Balkan mountains taking photographs, be one with the wilderness and feed the _hangry _savage. I'm sure Polen's people have space for some more smug do-gooders such as yourself!

Yup, freedom, **freedom**, _**freedom**_... and the savage, he definitely has the answers to all your questions, he's been so perfectly solving your problems for the last 30 years, give him just 30 more, will ya?!

**4\. **_**Recognize **_**that Polen is just a gem of a person**

Wow... Polen's been truly loyal and loving to you, even Huma loves her, and that's just awesome! She may go on the trip with you... hmm can she camp? Forget the camp, stay in one of those 5-star eco-resorts... it'll be convenient for Polen to be with you!

Hey... you can occasionally hang with her, scratch an itch, that type of stuff, of course! What can go wrong with Polen?!

**5\. Sanem gave away your perfume, her perfume, **_**oh well**_**... her perfume that is yours**

Sanem knows that that perfume means the world to you... it's your _only_ and main connection! Who cares if she makes you laugh, helps you think, makes you spontaneous, keeps you warm and cares about you, your mom, Emre, your agency, your life, what not! That's what Polen, Polen, Polen, Polen and more Polen is for in life!

And most importantly, does she expect you to love her after she gave away her life's work, aka her kokun, for free, to that asshole cucumber-fucker Fabri?!

Oh... how _**dare**_ she break that love spell so freaking wide open?!

**6\. Can, you need **_**space**_**... mental and physical**

You were so clear when you told her you need space and I thought she listened to you. WTF is she doing in Ağva? God... why can't you get a moment to yourself?

.

She's so immature but oh so sexy in that dress... maybe you can just tolerate having dinner and dancing with her!

.

What? The heat in her room is broken? What's this new voodoo? This woman will go to any lengths to get your attention!

.

What choice do you have other than to share your bed, man, just your bed, with her? Poor you! But hey man... not any of that emotional hugging and nose-kissing crap that you're used to doing to her!

.

Can Divit... WAKE UP MAN! I told you NOT to do this... and look where you've ended up, holding her like she means something to you! There she goes, scheming to be with you and you're so weak falling for them, you absolute Moron?!

**7\. She's such a **_**needy **_**chick, like ALL the time**

Of course she doesn't have a ride back to Istanbul, big surprise! She's such a damsel in distress, all the time! Who would want to save a girl from falling off a cliff, bumping into glass walls, tripping over her own feet and getting hit by cars?!

First you thought it was adorable, didn't you? Now it's just maladroit, inept and clumsy! It's just exhausting and something you're not equipped to handle man!?

**8\. Oh, she **_**can't**_** leave**

Look at it this way man... she's poor, like really poor! Neither her nor her parents have the funds to sponsor her travels and passions. You gave her a job, she's good at it, but after you leave, she'll be lost, her "career" will lose track and she'll probably be back at the grocery store.

Know this, the only way she can travel is if she's with you. She would ask you curious and incessant questions and most likely drag your ass everywhere... even to places you don't want to go! That's just inconvenient, you don't want that, do you?!

**9\. But, she**_** won't**_** leave**

Fact is, she can't leave her parents, her sister and her friends! They love her too much to let her go off exploring, traversing and wandering around the world.

Unlike your elitist prig family, they're like an Albatross hanging around her neck, weighing her down, and she'll still be here when you get back! That is, if you change your mind, which I recommend that you not for the reasons 1-9!

**10\. Sanem **_**actually **_**loves you, singularly & wholeheartedly, more than she loves herself! **

It's not like she's protected you from yourself, is she?

It's not like she wants to sleep with you, has she?

It's not like she's there for you all the time, is she?

It's not like she's sacrificed herself to save you, has she?

It's not like she's concerned for your well-being, is she?

It's not like she's given you proof of her love, has she?

It's not like she's your soulmate, is she?

Now... **THIS**, I can't allow!? That's just truly impossible, take it from me, saying she loved you is the biggest and grandest lie she's told you, **EVER**!

**Remember, I'm always with you, keep me posted & best of luck! **

**The Devil**

**From/Address, **

**An Angel, Omnipresence and Heaven.**

**...**

**To/Address,**

**Can Divit, Istanbul and Ebullient Earth.**

Dear _**Canım**_,

**You're deaf in **_**my **_**ear... go hug a mountain and fuck a goat! **

My Best,

Angel

**Author's Note:** It also helps to read **"Achilles Heel" (next post) it's about Huma!**

Everyone's been complaining about the new writing on the show. Being a rom-com, romance has been cast aside and the comedy is us laughing **at** them, not _**with**_ them!

**Full Disclosure:** I experienced verbal abuse as a teenager in relationship with a young adult. If you think my story is colored by that, I'll be the first to admit that it is a fact! I set standards and learnt to respect myself enough to know that healthy relationships are just that, healthy, not toxic, verbal or psychological abuse!

Thanks for reading, please vote if you liked it, comment if you loved or hated it! I appreciate your respectful comments and feedback!

xoxo, DR


	31. Fly into a Rage & Crash-Land!:Circa 2019

**Author's Note:** Mini-break is **O.V.E.R**! I _**moma-thize**_ completely with Can Divit, having seen more of the **Bee-**with-an-_**Itch**_, Huma?!

I am beyond angry, filled with rage, disappointment, sadness and going ape-shit crazy! The first and only thought that comes to mind is that I'm suffocating to death and need to get out of here, **NOW**!

The _**one **_perfect, innocent and angelic person that I found and fell in love with wholeheartedly in this world turns out to be imperfect, untrustworthy and a complete liar!

...

And I got it out of my system, I told her exactly how I felt about her deception and lying! I don't think she fully grasped my sentiments as she kept referring to us as a "we". There is no "we" anymore, we're done, finito. I made sure that I clarified it, very loud and clear to her!

...

She followed me to Ağva thinking that we still had a chance of getting back together. But once I've made my decision, I've made it up good and solid, and nothing and no one can change my mind!

...

Wow, did she have a "few words" _for_ me or what?!

She openly admitted that she's made a lot of mistakes, tears streaming down her face, and that she made those mistakes afraid that she may lose me! I indeed learnt the truth from someone else, but she's challenging me to fight for us and our relationship!

It's natural that when someone is being dumped that they'd get angry and vindictive and she calls me a quitter and a coward! Oh well, I did want to marry her, isn't that fighting for the relationship? I gave her my total, full and _irrevocable _commitment and she did in fact reject me!

Then came the **killer punch to the gut!** She likened me to Huma, Huma of all the people in the world! That is the worst thing she's said to me, _ever_! My once kind, empathetic and adoring Sanem just told me that even though I'm angry at Huma, I'm behaving exactly like her, quitting and running away when things get difficult!

As she ripped me a new one, she challenged me to man-up and face my problems, the righteous indignation and pride in her voice stops me dead in my tracks!

Could she be right? Am I like Huma? God forbid... !?

...

I thought that telling her I'm leaving means that she'll beg me to stay but she flipped the script on me and told me "**I can't and **_**won't**_ **ask you to stay!**" THAT was shocking, what am I missing? I _am_ missing something, real BIG, aren't I?

I go to the one place in Istanbul, the gym, that gives me solace and clarity nowadays. Umut is there today as I spar with him on the boxing square. As I'm in it, _something _clicks in my head, the anger dissipates as I take him down like I'm vanquishing a fire spitting dragon within me!

...

Why am I so angry? Yes, Sanem lied to me but why am I so angry? She's lied to me before, justifying and thinking that she was protecting me from the truth. Is this time _so_ different? Yes and no. This time she knows better than to lie to me and it really is like a knife through my heart that she can't trust me with the truth!

Would I have been less angry if I had found out about it earlier, and not from a stranger, but from her? I told her, if what we _had_ was true love, this wouldn't have happened to us! Why can't she trust me with the truth? For all the opportunities she had to tell me the truth and the times she came close, why didn't she? Oh God, the girl is probably afraid of me, losing me or not, just afraid to tell me anything I can't hear!

And what of Huma? Here she is after all these years professing her love for her sons and behaving like she actually missed me! Every thought I have is making my anger subside and I'm not sure who I'm angry at anymore! Sanem and Huma are stark contracts, poles apart and opposite ends of the spectrum. But why is my reaction the same with both of them?

How could I have this much trepidation **minutes** after I _**officially**_ breakup with Sanem and tell her I'm leaving, for good! Wow, even in this dark mood, talking to her and actually hearing her gut-wrenching words is making me reassess my actions!

Did I just want to hurt her like I've been hurt? Like Huma hurt me by abandoning me? Is this a cyclical cluster-fuck? Being abandoned makes it easier for me abandon others? Is this a defense mechanism or am I projecting my anger at Huma on Sanem? Oh boy, as usual, my reactions have been fucked-up only to act in haste and repent at leisure!

...

I get changed after the workout and retrieve my phone from the locker. 5 missed calls from Emre?! Something is _**very**_ wrong!

"Sanem has been in an accident" says Emre and his words hit me a like a thousand lashes and the world dims and fades away! _**My **_girl... she's been injured, how badly I don't know, and I wasn't there for her. **Nothing** in the world matters to me in that moment and the fear of her being _**hurt**_outweighs everything else in my life!

...

I drive the truck like a maniac and it's one of the most reckless, careless and dangerous rides I've undertaken! Those 20 minutes to get to her at the hospital are like a lifetime to me... and my heart, mind and soul has been reset... 3, 2, 1, and 0 and here we go again!

Was I really that angry at her?

Did I really break up with her?

Was I really thinking of leaving her?

Such a fucking, nitwit, dumbass I am... what was I thinking?

All that is **passé** and all I want to do now is see her, be with her, take care of her, make her mine and earn her love **forever**!

** .GOD! **

How do I unravel this situation?

How do I tell her I'm really **really** _**really**_ sorry for everything that I told her?

How do I ask her to be mine again, totally, irrevocably and forever?

**Author's Note: **Dear Can-bey, It's time to grovel, admit your mistakes, beg her to take you back and her heart will accept you wholeheartedly and grow even more fonder, endearing, loving and so full of love for you!

Aristotle said: "Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the **right person** and to the **right degree **and at the **right time** and for the **right purpose**, and in the **right way** \- that is not within everybody's power and is not easy" - Oh well, Can Divit failed in all of the ways!

I hypothesize and firmly believe that he came to his senses during the drive to the gym and on the gym floor! That intuitive smile is very telling! BTW, how did her get to her so fast... before Leyla & Emre, I wonder!

Thanks for reading, please vote if you liked it, comment if you loved or hated it! I appreciate your respectful comments and feedback!

xoxo, DR


	32. Moment of Impact : Circa 2019

**Author's Note: **This is a Can-Sanem-Can POV sandwich. **Just go with it, please! **

**Can Divit**

"Sanem has been in an accident" says Emre and his words hit me a like a thousand lashes and the world dims and fades away!

** .GOD!**

How many times has she been in an accident or dangerous situation since I've known her? She's bumped her head, body and tripped over her feet too many times. But seriously though, she's had at least 2 fatal mishaps and passed out from hitting her head! How many hard knocks can she take before something really really really bad happens to her?

...

_**My **_girl... she's been injured, how badly I don't know, and I wasn't there for her. **Nothing** in the world matters to me in that moment and the fear of her being _**hurt**_outweighs everything else in my life!

...

I drive the truck like a maniac and it's one of the most reckless, careless and dangerous rides I've undertaken! Those 20 minutes to get to her at the hospital are like a lifetime to me!

The relief that I get in seeing her lucid, awake and talking is immense, life affirming, brings me back and grounds me in a way I never thought possible...and my heart, mind and soul has been reset, hard and permanently! **... 3, 2, 1, and 0 and here we go again! **

Was I really _that _angry at her?

Did I _really _break up with her?

Was I _leaving _her?

Such a fucking, nitwit, dumbass I am... what was I **thinking**?

**Sanem Soysal-Aydin**

Yigit is seated on my bed and he's asking me over and over again if I'm alright. I think he's feeling terrible and guilty that he almost crushed me with his car. It was an accident, I reassure him, and ask him to leave. He refuses saying that he won't leave until he's absolutely sure that I'm fine and the doctor lets me leave. Yigit informs me that the nurse has called my sister Leyla and that she is on her way.

During the casual banter, Yigit asks me to address him informally and that only then he'd believe that I've forgiven him for the accident. I'm not sure I want to be too familiar with him but he seems polite, caring and gentlemanly!

...

Suddenly a man barges into the room. Oh well, he knows my name, so may be he is the doctor? Are doctors really this animated? Has there been a complaint about the accident? Is he the police? Hmmm! There's something very_**familiar **_about him but I'm not fully certain who he is and what he's doing here with me!

He asks me if I'm doing well and urges me to tell the truth. I tell him I'm fine and it's just a few scratches. Then he proceeds to ask Yigit what happened. I interrupt, to protect Yigit, as the accident really wasn't his fault because I stepped onto the road without looking for oncoming vehicles.

Seriously though? What am I explaining this to a _**stranger**_? Why is **he **so mad at Yigit? Is this person a counselor or caregiver? I'm so so so confused!

Not a moment too late, Leyla comes running into the room. She's immediately by my side, holding my hands, kissing me and asking me if I'm alright. I repeat my lines, I tell her I'm fine, it's just a few scratches and I was careless while crossing the road. She came in with Emre-bey and he asks me very kindly if I'm alright. I assure him that I am and he smiles at me cordially.

Emre-bey then asks the stranger about Yigit and why he is there in the room. Wait, how does he know the animated and angry man? Leyla-abla is still holding my hands, Yigit is pacing the room, the stranger seems to have calmed down and is seated in a chair next to me.

Ahhh Sanem Ahhhh... head hurts badly now and I need some space from all the hysterical energy in the room!

...

He smiles that smile, like he knows me, does he know me? Do I know him? **WHO IS THIS MAN?**

**Note **: I wrote this story for THIS smile! Can Divit is trying to invoke a reaction in her eidetic mind about his micro-expressions of his endearing love for her!

**Can Divit**

And then the thing I never, ever, ever in a million years imagined would happen to me, happened to me and to us!

Sanem looks at me a bit lost yet deeply into my eyes and asks me: "**Who are **_**you**_**?**"

** .SHOCKED**... beyond belief, recognition and my world comes to a standstill! Sanem, my Sanem, my love, my one and only, she doesn't remember me!

"I'm Caan... Caan Divit", I tell her and a voice in my head screams "Your Jaan love, my love, it's me, you know me, better than even I know myself!"... as she says it's nice to **meet **me!

How, what, why, HOW, why, Why not? Why _**can't **_she? The hurt and pain I feel in that moment is debilitating, paralyzing and yet brings me back to life and all that is important, invaluable and most precious to me, and that is her!

...

Talking to Emre brings some clarity on what is happening with Sanem. Apparently she remembers everything back to the first day back at the agency. She remembers meeting Baba, Emre, CeyCey, even Deren and Guliz and then it's all a blur to her!

...

The brute savage is back and he's really really loud, obnoxious and meaner than ever! Boy, this should teach you a lesson never to fall in love or let anyone get close to you! Wow, the irony of that moment of impact is not lost on me! She remembers everyone except you, you _deserve _to be forgotten, says the savage inside my head!

She doesn't remember my kisses, my touch, the way I look at her, her brilliant eidetic mind no longer remembers all of my micro-expressions, and I am practically dead to her! Now I'm the "other" one, the nobody she doesn't know!

For the first time, I quiet down the savage and start listening to _another _gentler voice in my head. She accused me of running away? If I run away now, she won't even miss me as she no longer knows me! I don't exist to her, she doesn't care for me, her heart and life is no longer connected to me, at all! I've lost her today, now, for the past and the future, forever!

"But then again"... whispers an angel in my head. I do know her, recognize her heart, mind and soul. I know, for certain, how much ever mad, disappointed or sad she is at me, her benevolent heart knows me for who I am, her Caan, her Jaan!

SO, here I go again, with renewed purpose to fight, carol, grovel and win back my love, my one and only, my forever and soulmate!

**Author's Note:** We often take the people we love so much for granted. What if? Yes, Amnesia is a cliché but it's a cliché for a reason!

**Life is not just about regrets but also about second chances. The die-hard romantic that I am will give Can and Sanem a thousand chances, makeovers and do-overs! **

PS: I reset her back to the first day at the agency but couldn't reset her back to the grocery story. Why you ask? I **absolutely **couldn't lose her relationship with Ceycey! What an amazing, loyal, familiar and sometimes mature a friend he turns out to be to her, I can't do that to Sanem!

Thanks for reading, please vote if you liked it, comment if you loved or hated it! I appreciate your respectful comments and feedback!

xoxo, DR


	33. A Woman in Every Port: Can Divit, 2019

**Author's Note: I wrote this for International Women's Day 2019. **

Can Divit was not raised by a loving, caring and doting mother. So as part of the Fan Fiction I deliberately decided to build strong female characters around him who are nurturers, sometimes mothers, caregivers but ultimately strong, powerful, confident and brave women! Based on EK 28, you can tell Can Divit is very comfortable in the company of such women and naturally gravitates towards them! And EK 33... what an episode!

**Emin-Hanim **(**Turkey**) :: "**Unfamilial", Age 10**

"I have Emin Hanim, our housekeeper and cook who takes care of me... I've never been thirsty or hungry. In fact, I spend so much time on the kitchen island doing homework, I've become her handy helper and she's teaching me to cook. She's a good lady, doesn't talk much but she knows exactly what I like to eat. Ditto for getting ready for school, my clothes are always in order and I'm in a comfortable and clean bedroom. Rifat Bey is her husband and they both live in the servant quarters nearby."

**Emin becomes his surrogate and caretaker as a young boy. She's not his mother but she performs all the housekeeping and administrative functions a mother would do for her children**.

**Can Divit is a great cook and that had to originate from being taught as a young man. So, it's perfect that Emin Hanim teaches him the basics and he learns his way around the kitchen! **

**Amma (Sri Lanka) :: "Moon Embracing the Sun", Age 21**

"Amma has not left my side for the last month or so and she's been hovering like a guardian angel. She's a mystic and shaman of sorts... and works with stones and crystals and believes in the energy they bring to us. As soon as I wake up, she gives me two **Meetiyagoda moonstones**, urges me to always have them with me... and explains their meaning : the stones, white and black hold the ethereal light of the moon in solid form and represent the light and dark side of the moon. They're also indicative of human nature i.e. good and bad within the same person... and how when someone loves you, they're able to see, **accept** _and_ **embrace** all of you! Wow... Amma is intuitive indeed... and she adds that they're also a protective amulet of and for travelers! "

**Can Divit aspires to a life where he is fully accepted by the woman he loves... the good, bad and the dark side of his personality! **

**Albatross Wisdom** (**Galapagos**) :: "**Imprint**", **Age 25 **

"Suddenly, I hear a loud "_**Whooshhhhh**_"...and this massive bird flies past me, really close to my head, knocking all of my 220 lbs on my _ass_. By the time I regain my footing, steady myself and the camera, I see the lone Albatross ready to make another pass at me. I crouch on the deck... unsure whether to take photos or find cover. But the bird slows down... and perches on the rail of the boat literally inches from me. This was a _**close encounter **_I wasn't prepared for... as I've not read that they interact with humans!

It felt like he or she needed a _rest_...and in that moment we make direct eye contact. That Albatross was eager but alone, not lonely but searching for a mate. I felt like it was saying to me "You're _**OKAY**_, it'll be OKAY..._**Share**_ your burdens with me!"

My world comes to a standstill, Time resets...and starts again! I could sense it's whole spirit and energy... as though we were sharing and baring our souls. _**Ten**_ seconds felt like a lifetime, that's all we had together...before the bird takes flight!

Oh well...this was the best & most positive encounter I've had with a _**woman**_ in a long time! Her imprint, my sketch, my reset, all of it suddenly took on _**new**_ meaning to me. "

**Can Divit gets a tattoo of the Albatross that imprinted on him and suddenly he feels like an Albatross has been lifted off him! **

**Tica (Peru) :: ** "**Sense of Mahalle**", **Age 26**

"An _interesting_ distraction I have is a young girl of 14 or 15, named **Tica**, meaning flower. After the first few days, I notice that she's following me everywhere. She's at every corner I turn, sits next to me at dinner, helps me in the fields, waits for me to return from the fishing and is waiting nearby when I wake up.

After being bitten by a poisonous spider in the forest, I was in pain and barely lucid for about two days. The tribal cure was to cut open the skin to let out the poison and the doctor had patched me up afterwards. Tica was my nurse and caretaker during this time... never leaving my side and tending to my needs. It doesn't take a **genius **to know that she has a _massive_ crush on me!

In order to not hurt her feelings, I mildly indulge her. It's harmless to me... I get her flowers, take her photos, we eat together and usually I wave her goodnight before going to bed. Seeing that I wear jewelry, she makes me some pieces using shells and seeds.

One of the nurses _cautions _me about getting too close to her... and I think it's weird because she's just a child in my eyes! _**Apparently, **_Yagua girls are married when they're 14 or 15. To prevent inbreeding issues, they invite suitors from outside the clan, and the man comes to live at the home of his _prospective_ wife as part of her family. If the girl gets pregnant during this time, the couple returns to the man's family and are considered **officially** 'married'.

Stunned... I look at Tica in a completely different light! To her, I'm _**that **_guy, someone from outside the clan, come to live with them, part of their family and a potential husband for her! _**Oh holy hell**_... this is not something I knew and wasn't expecting this kind of attention!"

**Can Divit gets a lesson in what it means to be a grown-up and how caregiving and responsibilities mean different things to different people.**

**Luule (Baltics) :: **"**Wrecked and Found**", **Age 26**

"What _**surprises**_ me about them is the tender loving care, animated body language, love and affection they have for each other. Like two magnets moving in tandem... they're always in sync and in perfect harmony...yet very salt of the earth in characteristics ! I'm _**lost and found**_... but almost don't want to be found, living in paradise with Adam and Eve incarnates. If I could use a food analogy, their love feels like melted warm chocolate and caramel dipped in strawberries!"

"It's been a month since I was boatwrecked... and it appears that reality caught up to me, alas! Dad had become worried when I didn't check in at my usual time and literally sent out a search party. Representatives from Kuressaare showed up at my doorstep and I assure them I'm okay. A quick sat-phone call to dad and I could hear his immense relief at finding me safe. He simply asks me to get home as soon as I can, he misses me. I'm sad to go, _really_... and they feel sadness at parting from me. How could we become so dear to each other so quickly?!

I agree to stay on another day and we proceed with our usual routine. As we are preparing dinner, the old man suddenly clutches his chest and collapses on the floor. My instincts kick into high gear... I could tell he's having a heart attack and going into cardiac arrest. I give him a couple of aspirins to take... and start to perform CPR. The lady had sounded the alarm with the neighbors and the village physician rushes to us. The community rallies and he's quickly taken on a boat to the nearby hospital. An hour later and he's getting the best treatment the area could offer. He's a well loved man in the community and everyone sought his well-being.

..

..

He is resting, tired but doing well... and the little lady wouldn't leave his side. The doctor who spoke broken English tells me my CPR and aspirins probably saved his life! **Wow... talk about a full circle moment**!

A day delayed, but I am hugely relieved that he is well... and prepare to leave for home. I come to the hospital to say my goodbyes. **Luule,** that's her name, gives me the tightest, warmest and most endearing hug and motions me to sit down for 5 minutes.

I understand only a few words she says... so this is what I comprehend. From a little pouch on her hip, she gives me a Baltic Amber Stone. As I take it, she brings it close to my heart and holds it's there and says "_**amore mio al tuo**_", meaning "from my sweetheart to yours"! I have tears in my eyes and the feeling of _**loss**_ I have at that moment is indescribable!

For the first time in a long time, I feel a **vacuum**, a hole in my heart... and I realize I'm **missing** a love that I've **never** even experienced in life!"

**Can Divit starts to understand that happy marriages do exist in reality and that he simply has to find the right woman for himself! **

**Mony (Cambodia) :: "Carpe Diem!"**, **Age 30**

"I spend the next few weeks with Miraç and observe that he's making a quick recovery. His ankle had to be reconstructed and he'll always walk with a limp owing to the damage and injury. **Mony** is taking care of him hand and foot, literally.

I notice the contrasting dynamics coexisting in their relationship. She's this fiery activist with a passion for her heritage and the country of her origin. But in that same person, lives a soul who becomes a caretaker, nurse and nurturer... and she refused to abandon him under the worst circumstances! I am **wowed** by her alacrity, allegiance and loyalty to him!

She is beautiful of course, but from what I've noticed, she is completely _au naturel, _wearing very limited makeup and and only meaningful jewelry. She is indeed a woman who is literally comfortable in her own skin, knows her strength, speaks her mind and follows through with action, or in her case, inaction! Miraç and Mony are renegade activists one moment and passionate lovers the next... and always partners in crime, Bravo!"

**Can Divit sees a contemporary, someone his age, be in a loving relationship and their lives are in contrasts. **

**Mevkibe (Turkey)**

I drive Sanem back from Ağva and she's fallen asleep during the drive. She's so cute... I almost don't have the heart to wake her up. From her phone, I had called her mom to get her address and I'm on the way to drop her off at home.

As I drop her off, I meet her mom, Mevkibe-Hanim. She's such a lovely lady with a smiling face and warm demeanor. I see a bit of Sanem in her already!

...

I fondly remember the time I met Sanem's parents a few months back. I was taking her out to dinner with Fabri and was a bit early. Mevkibe Hanim had served me some delicious Menemen (Turkish Scrambled Eggs) while I waited for Sanem and we got talking about my travels. Before I know it, Nihat Bey, Mevkibe Hanim & I are dying with laughter, so much so that my stomach hurts, and I'm unable to finish the eggs; _**that**_has never happened to me before!

...

Sanem literally just saved my career and she got hurt during the altercation. I died seeing her fall, hit her head and pass out! When she came around, my fragile heart bounced back and the relief I felt is immense!

Now, we have to take her home and explain what happened to her parents and that Sanem is thankfully not hurt and doing okay.

...

We're doing a shoot and camping in the forest and who best to make food for us than Mevkibe-hanim? But to keep it fair, I have a blind test and of course she wins thumbs down!

She's such a vivacious woman... and we connect immediately! She keeps calling me Can "bey" and I tell her I'm _just_ **Can** to her.

...

Sanem has hurt and betrayed me deeply and we're effectively _**over**_! But as I walk-over to the bullpen, I see Ceycey working on a new campaign. On further inquiry I learn that Mevkibe-Hanim is running for the Council President of the Mahalle.

The ideas that Ceycey have are terrible, simply terrible and not representative of Mevkibe-Hanim at all! Time to step in and help that wonderful woman who cares about her community and the families that live there get elected to the position.

...

I've invited myself over to the Soysals for dinner and Sanem tells me it's also her parents' 30th wedding anniversary tonight! I'm really excited and eager to have a _family _dinner with them on their special night and promise her that I'll be there with gifts!

As she starts serving me, call it a **Freudian **_slip_, Mevkibe makes a comment that she's making a habit of cooking more portions as she expects the company of her _**damat's **_(sons-in-law) _soon_! I'm floored, but Leyla & Sanem are shocked by her overture! It's interesting and hilarious to watch their family dynamic, how lovable they are one moment and sniping at each other the next and back to being lovable and then, repeat!

...

Mevkibe-hanim has won the elections and she treats me to the best Borek (Turkish baked filled pastry), ever!

As we get to talking about her new leadership role, she says she's feeling a bit overwhelmed about all the new responsibilities and wondering which ones she can tackle first.

I tell her about the time I lived in Denmark and how I observed that every street there had a library. The books were donated by the the community and neighbors and then were bartered and exchanged among them.

Mevkibe-hanim runs with the idea... and it appears she's managed to build a great library in the mahalle! She calls me to share her success and I tell her it's **all** her doing !

...

I absolutely hate, really _hate_, lying to Mevkibe-hanim! Ah... Sanem... ah, the things I do for love! Her mom has always been direct, welcoming, caring and endearing towards me. She likes me, I like her, she trusts me and I trust her and we're formal yet familiar with each other!

...

This day keeps getting better by the minute, seriously! Mevkibe Hanim who is such a loving, empathetic and caring woman, senses trouble and brings us, me specifically, her homemade Dolma (cabbage rolls).

She doesn't ask me what's going on directly and neither is she here to snoop or spy unlike some others I know! I can see that she's merely there to make sure I'm okay. I'm like a little boy who feels better after eating her lovingly prepared comfort food!

She's also there to ensure that her girls are being treated properly after Huma's spiteful behavior in the mahalle! ** . **!

...

I'm at their home for Leyla & Osman's engagement and I'm absolutely relieved to see Mevkibe-Hanim doing great!

My relationship with Mevkibe-Hanim is friendly, congenial, delightful and she loves to feed me as much as I love eating her wonderfully prepared dishes!

She's patient, kind, simple yet complex, authoritative yet supportive, given her girls a strong foundation and value system in life. She stands very much in contrast to Huma in that she's a loving wife, caring, doting and overbearing mom and she's been dear and great friend to me!

She's one of the women who I respect most in the world... and it makes me wonder what it'd be like to have a mom like Mevkibe-Hanim.

...

Of all the people I expected to see today, considering that Sanem and Leyla had quit, Mevkibe-hanim was the last on the list!

When she walked into the office, Turkish Sausage in hand, I half expected her to be angry or indifferent towards me. But instead she was kind, thoughtful and really was coming to see me with her delicious treats!

**WoW, MoM, simply Wow MoM! **

How does she make me feel cherished and special even though her and I technically don't have a relationship. Well, Sanem and I are done, or close to done and I'm leaving in a few days. So do other _connected_relationships also end with the main one? If Mevkibe-hanim is any indication, I can feel her tender loving care in every pore of my being!

Did she just cry? Oh, that broke my heart a little! But her words are like still water that runs deep to unreachable places... and its giving me great and much-needed pause to think, reflect and react!

One doesn't find their soulmate, their match, the person they _**can't **_live without and most importantly someone that loves you more than you love yourself that easily in the world! I know those words to be true as I've been searching for Sanem for 30 years.

...

**Author's Note: **Can Divit will be the son Mevkibe & Nihat never had and Damat (son-in-law) in name-only! I can almost see it, touch it & feel it! Oh the possibilities for Can Divit and all of them!

**Polen (UK)**

\- She's been my **friend **through thick and thin. Is it true that one is better off marrying their best friend?

\- She's never put **pressure **on me and given me all the **space **in the world. Is it may be because she didn't want to commit to and vice versa?

\- She_**wasn't**_ the one standing on that balcony that day, but I did kiss the person thinking it was Polen, with all of my life's force. Is it because I wanted to **commit **to her?

\- Huma and Aziz-bey don't agree on _**anything **_in this whole entire world! Why do they **BOTH **think Polen and I are great for each other?

Above all else, she's been **loyal **to me. Is she deserving of mine in return?

**Author's Note: **At some point, we've all been _**someone's **_Polen **or** Sanem!

But how much ever we dislike her, her highhandedness, her arrogance, her coldness, her games and what not, she's doing it for **her love** of Can Divit. Can you blame her? In fact, she is the female version of Can Divit... she's _**exactly**_ like him, think about it!

And most importantly, she's been loyal to him (at least until EK32), been there for him at his beck and call and she's simply lived their relationship on his terms! She also quietly went away, drama-free, until Huma encouraged her to come back saying he's still available!

**Imagine you were **_**her**_, would you like to be treated the way he treats her with apathy, indifference and as a jealousy-invoking piece of ass?

It's the 21st Century and we're no longer Neanderthals! Women are beacons of morality in most cultures, we have to be supportive and empathetic to other women and not just compete for men!

**Sanem** :: **Earth, Third Rock from the Sun, Moon and Center of my Universe! **

**Author's Note: Man-child Can Divit doesn't know it yet, but he will, I'm certain of it! **

Thanks for reading, please vote if you liked it, comment if you loved or hated it! I appreciate your respectful comments and feedback!

xoxo, DR


	34. Leap of Faith: Bonchuk Cat

**Author's Note:** Just go with it!

I see that you're confused : Who AM I? I'm **Bonchuk**... and I've been around this whole time!

Yes, **yes**, **YES**... I know Sanem is **cute**, Can is **hot** and I'm _**invisible**_! But AM I?

Let me start at the beginning. I live in the mahalle and Sanem is my "person"; she feeds me milk and food in the morning and evening. She's **fur-real ** sweet, kind to me and I love her! But of late, she has something called a "job" and she's not around as much. I'm a bit worried, where does she go all day? I'm going to be spy-cat and follow her tomorrow.

...

Ah, she's visiting some house in the city and the place smells yummy! It's not like the **paw-ful** cat food smell but great food smell. Sanem knows the person that cooks all the great food and his name is Can.

...

When Can is around, he cooks a lot at home, and he's **paw-some** just like her! Now I have delicious milk in the morning and delectable meats in the evening! With all the treats, I've become enormously _healthy_, by that I mean, a **fat-cat**! I've taken to traveling between the mahalle and the Divit mansion for a few months... to control my weight!

...

It occurred to me that maybe Sanem knows other great places in the city to eat. But BOY, did I get _lucky_? I followed Sanem to her "job" and I now have a _**purr-fect **_girl friend with benefits! Her name is **Sari** and she lives in a **cat-harika** park in Istanbul.

Can and Sanem seem **fur-real** happy. Sari tells me that they're so cute together, just like us! They're always hugging, kissing and smiling at each other... and I just so so happy for them!

...

Something is very wrong, Can and Sanem are not getting along and Can has stopped cooking. I go to see Sanem and she's crying all the time. I wonder what happened?! I inquire with my girl Sari and she says she hasn't seen them in the park either!

...

OH NO! Emre has been in an accident and Can is taking care of him. I hide behind the trees and see what is going on with them? Emre is seriously hurt and Can is very worried!

But where is everyone else? If I get hurt, _**everyone**_ from the Istanbul Fiskers Club comes to see me, check on my well-being and support me!

Why are Emre and Can alone? Why hasn't anyone come to see them today? Leyla was spending time with Emre today, but that's it?! Where are Emre and Can's friends?

...

There's a scary lady in town and she's kicking and trashing my food tray! So vile, **un-fur-tunate **and you got to **be kitten me! **Ah Bonchuk Ah... run away now!

...

I'm a bit scared... the vile lady that was in the mahalle is now in Can's house too! I can't **paw-don **her for her bad behavior and I find her behavior **a-paw-ling!**

**...**

**OH NOOO NO NO **_**NOOOOOOO**_! My dear Sanem was in an accident I hear, I have to see her NOW! I run to her house and climb up the walls to look into her bedroom window!

** .RELIEF!**

Sanem is alright, a bit tired, but she's her **purr-ty** self! And I see that she's not alone... thank God! Her parents and all her friends are huddled in her room and making sure that she's alright!

But where the hell is Can? Why isn't he with her? Oh but never mind Can, he's so **hiss-terical **and such a **cat-astrophe**!

I'll focus on Sanem now, I don't want or care for his meats, I only want her milk! I'm great at this _thing_ called "cat" therapy - I'm going to lay at her feet, give her snuggles, brush my head against her, purr sweet little nothings for her and make stop her crying!

I'm going to stay with her and make sure that she's happy again, **fur-ever! **

**Author's Note:** Where do I even begin? Who had noticed that there are numerous cats in the shots on Erkenci Kus? There's a reason for it and therefore I decided to write the story from Bonchuk's POV!

So, Turks/Istanbulians LOVE LOVE their cats and there's even a documentary on Netflix about it!

europe/2017/03/11/in-istanbul-fat-cats-are-a-good-thing

our-pet-experts/6-lessons-cats-teach-us-about-friendship

**Yes, I can be silly and hopefully also made a point! Please follow, vote, comment and provide feedback! As always, I'm grateful for your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **


	35. Once bitten,Twice shy,Thrice: Dec 2018

**Author's Note**: We _jump_ ahead of the EK TV Show in timeline !

That cucumber-fucker Fabri arrogantly parades around and tells me that he's mass produced Sanem's perfume... my perfume, what was supposed to me mine and_**only **__mine_! As I stand there feeling defeated, he further gloats that she's signed off her rights to the perfume to his company!

..

..

I am burning really really hot with anger, so angry that I could ignite a bomb if I touched it! What the fuck? How is this possible?

I call Sanem and she picks up on the third ring... I need answers, an explanation, **now**! I ask her to meet me at the rocks by the bay... and she's sensed something is wrong!

..

..

That fucker has been obsessed with her since the **first **moment he met her... after her perfume since that day!

Then he manages to get his claws into her even further and me too with the partnership for the **second **time! Ah..._Sanem_...Ah!

..

..

We meet at the rocks... and I ask her if there's something she'd like to tell me. She blanches, turns pale and looks like she's about to cry. So, it's true then, but I need my pound of flesh, I want to hear her say the words!

S: "Can... I know you'll be mad... **forever**! "

C: "You have _**that **_right!"

S: "But I **had** to do this...my **Albatross**, chained, shackled, imprisoned... "

C: ...silent...

S: "I couldn't live with myself... you should be free.. My **love**... "

C: ...seething still... I have to restrain myself...

S: "Are you going to **leave me**?" ... she's crying, her voice breaks and she's about to collapse to the ground like she'd been punched in the gut!

C: "Oh NO! ... **sweetheart**... that'll _**never **_happen!" ... "I didn't mean to scare you!"

I grab her and hold her in a tight embrace! She's crying now, curled into me... and I wait for her to calm down.

S: "Oh wait... You're not mad... **at me**?"

...silent...

C: "Sweetheart... I'm _am _mad at you... but _**more **_at myself than you!" ... "Tell me what exactly happened?"

..

Sanem recounts the series of events. After leaving me in jail, she heard from Emre and the lawyer that the case against me is too strong as there's a video of me assaulting Fabri _without _being provoked. She felt stuck between a rock and a hard place... and her concern for me is at the heights of her mind! Anything to set me free, she bartered with Fabri for a redaction of his statement to the police.

..

S: "Can... it was totally **worth **it to see you free... I'll do it again, again, and again... even if you're mad at me!"

C: "Oh sweetheart... I'm _so so so so _**sorry **you had to do that... "

S: ...dumbfounded at my words...

C: "The fucker insulted you... and I lost control! I should've kept my temper under control..."

S: ... still dumbfounded but tears in her eyes now...

C: "I put us in that position... I should've known better, behaved better, known that you'll blame _**yourself **_for it... what was I thinking? Well... I wasn't thinking, clearly! "

S: ...tears are flowing now...

C: "I'm so sorry" ...kisses... "sorry" ...kisses... "sorry that you had to give away _my_ perfume... the one that came from **your beautiful heart and soul**" ... "I'll never forgive myself for letting that happen to you!" ...kisses...

I have her **now and forever**... and nothing she ever does will be a deal breaker. I've made a thousand mistakes and she's made a few hundred... so we're even!

C: "But you have to make a **promise** to me... and keep it forever, will you?"

S: "I'm listening... yes Can?"

C: "There will be no more secrets between us... we will tell each other everything! Can you do that..._**for me**_?"

S: ...smiles her _angelic _smile...

C: "We have to learn to trust each other... together we could've beaten that fucker Fabri"

S: ...begins to protest while tearing up...

C: "I know I know... you couldn't bear to see me confined, locked up, you missed me too much, felt helpless... you _know_ and understand me really, more than anyone else, **ever**!" ...kisses...

S: "Yes, I promise, **forever**!"

She reaches for me and deepens the kiss, we are in the moment... lips and bodies molded together! Any twinge of sadness at the loss of the perfume I feel starts to fade away as my heart and mind fills with her essence... more potent than ever before... as though she's sharing her life's energy and interchanging with mine!

Tentatively, she opens to me and strokes my lips with her tongue... and the sensation is exquisite! I come alive... and nothing else matters to me in the world! _**Whoa**_... can my girl kiss or can she really kiss?! Neither one of us breaks the kiss... exploring each other more deeply than we have ever before... until we're both breathless, dizzy and devoured each other!

S: "Oh and **Can.. BEY,** one more thing..." she says in that voice and tone when she's ready to pitch an _awesome_ **idea**!

S: "**I love you so much**... heart, mind, body and soul" ... "you're in every cell, fiber and thought I have" ... "of every single moment... forever!"

S: "I created that perfume when I was unsure of your love, keeping secrets from you, when I didn't know you were _**my**_ Albatross... when I wasn't your pure and _innocent _Sanem! "

C: "Hmm..." Where's she going with this?

S: "Now _imagine _the perfume I'm inspired to create _**for**_ your love, **mad-crazy-live-and-die-in-your-arms-love**, knowing that you love me so, knowing you're **THE** Albatross, the man of my dreams, my one and only, my protector, friend _and_ soulmate!"

..

I'm transfixed and spellbound, as I marvel at her fearlessness and fiery words... and the **simple yet powerful truth **behind it! Her tears _usually _turn into sparks of fire! With her...anything and everything is possible, together, forever!

..

Now, I need to become the man that lights up her world and makes her dreams come true! I have an _**idea**_...and I have renewed purpose to set the world right for her, for me, for us!

..

Once bitten, Twice Shy, Thrice the _**Fool**_ in **Love**..all **consuming **love for her!

**Author's Note**: Can Divit _should've_ grown & learnt from mistakes, at least I hope so! I'm guessing he'll take responsibility for his part in the fiasco... and rather than growing apart, they grow together!

**PS:** It's a bit myopic to think that that one perfume is ALL she'll ever create... none of our lives can be just about _**one**_ idea or product, especially considering their collective creative genius!

..

Thanks for reading & Hope you enjoyed it!

Please vote if you liked it, comment if you loved or hated it! I appreciate your comments and feedback! xoxo, DR


	36. Six Seconds to Soulmates: CaNem

**Author's Note : **This story is an ode to the silent yet powerful communication style of Sanem and Can. When all the noise quietens, the music slows, time stands still for 6 seconds, it's all stardust, rainbows, unicorns and absolutely magical!

**"We do not choose who we love but rather our souls choose for us." **

Sanem and I just had our first official fight and she effectively told me off, asked me to back off and let her be! I'm shocked but my latent gentlemanly instincts kick in and I decide not to pursue her further... at least for today!

...

And now here she is, looking like an angel, in the dress that I had chosen for her and she's so many millions times better than I imagined her in it!

...

I've not been able to take my eyes off her and she's been dancing with Fabri. I try to cut in, and just my ill-luck, the music ends. More of that follows when Fabri tries to impress her with his compliments; good news, Sanem seems unfazed by his attentions.

...

I watch her from across the arena and she's ready to leave. Why I wonder? But Fabri interrupts her and actually grabs her arm to persuade her not to leave. The brute savage is awakened in an instant and he can't get to her rescue fast enough!

...

Wordless, I hold her hand, gesture with my eyes and implore her to come with me. She holds my hands in hers and we walk away together!

Are we just colleagues? Becoming friends? I'm hoping she trusts me with her self... her heart, mind, spirt and soul!

**"Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is let someone love you."**

How do I tell him that I've betrayed him?

How do I tell him that I've lied to protect him and myself?

How do I tell him not to leave?

How do I tell him I'm his, any which way he needs me to be?

How do I tell him how much he means to me?

How do I tell him he's become the center of my universe? 

**"I will love you hard enough to shed that armor you hold around your heart"**

I'm glad I stayed and didn't get on that flight. Now, I had no idea that Sanem will be waiting for me at home and Polen too! What a cluster fuck?

But what was Sanem doing there so late? And that too after I dropped her off at home?

I'm glad that the Albatross Feather Pen gift I gave to encourage her to write her dream novel brought her back to me!

But why did make as excuse and run away? Was it because she thought I was with Polen?

...

Today's a new day and I renew my efforts to win her heart, mind, spirit & soul!

Uff... when she looks at me, and the way she looks at me, brings my world into focus, fully lucent and luminescent! 

**"They love deeply regardless of the love they get back in return. It is both their biggest strength, and their biggest weakness."**

He's driving away with Polen imagining that I'll be doing the same with Levant. He looks at me as far as he can see me, and the cutting and devastated look he gives me as the taxi drives away, turns the warm blood in my veins stone cold!

Why did I do this to him? Am I mad at him for rescuing Polen? Do I want to make him jealous? Is this how I want to become his... by coercion?

Am I trying to keep him or push him away? Who am I with him, to him and for him? 

**"You are soul food for my ravenous mind." **

Albatross, _**Albatross**_... Can is the, THE **Albatross **!?

All I want is to be kissed again! I can't believe that, Can and the Albatross that I had romanticized over the last few months, are the same divine person, my dear Can-bey!

WOW... as he kisses me I realize that, all along in my hearts of hearts, I wanted him to be **the** Albatross! 

**"She wants a warrior lover with strong hands, wild eyes and a poets heart."**

Oh no, Sanem is struggling with the presentation!

"Hey... hey", I scream my inside voice at her, "Look at me... look at me now!".

"You know this, you got this, we're here because you created this beautiful concept with your pure heart and brilliant mind"

"You can do it, go for it" ... "**Find yourself, **_**my**_ **love**"

...

What follows is simply short of sheer and absolute magic! Sanem is her true and authentic self, and with that spirit she carries me, the detractors and the curious audience through an amazing mind-blowing presentation.

She's there, on the stage, owning everyone and everything, and the world hangs on her every last word! The pride and onus I feel at her success is indescribable... and all I know is that I want her all to myself, just me, now, always and forever! 

**"You can never forget the ones that made you **_**feel**_**... your soul"**

There is no "We" or "Us" he says over and over again! Hearing his words, I can almost feel his frozen heart. The shackles around his heart and soul are built back up, he's slipping further and farther away from me!

He's broken my heart once before but this time is very different. This time, he knows I'm irrevocably, unconditionally and forever his, and yet again he has not heard my words or my side of the story!

Yes, my story is that I lied to him, yet again! But why did I lie to him again? I wanted to tell him its because of the basest existential fear that I would lose him, now and forever, if he learns the truth!

But how can it be that the consequence for lying and telling the truth be the same?

The dream of my Albatross is very real and it almost came true! But it is becoming clearer that true love is not about poems, roses, and stardust but it's about trust, fearlessness and being true to thine own self and to ones soulmate! 

**"She brings out the beauty in his broken soul."**

I'm immersed in his "come home to me" smell, his strong arms coddling me, his breath on my face, his warm body like a soothing balm... and for a few seconds... all is well with the world!

Even after the blanket tug of war last night, he's subconsciously and subliminally reached over to me in his sleep to protect me from the perils of the world!

We're wrapped together in the same time and space for a few more seconds and his proximity, his innocence, his possessiveness and his love overpowers me completely, totally and makes me incandescently happy! 

**"Maybe she needed someone to show her how to live and he needed someone to show him how to love."**

I'm in the car riding back to Istanbul with him and I couldn't have planned it better myself. Even though our morning was interrupted, I'm feeling confident that I can get through to him.

...

And then he does that... that caressing my face, my hair and the length of my body and alarm bells start to go off in my head. Everything about that moment feels great and yet tainted beyond redemption to me!

Was that a kind gesture?

Was that a "We can work it out?"

Was that a "I still love you"?

Was that a tender moment that will haunt me forever?

Was that a final touch?

Was that a goodbye?

Was my first love to be unrequited? 

**"My soul and your soul are forever tangled."**

**Can**

I don't want to go... but she's not missing me one bit, not even a little!

She's calling my bullshit all along but is she moving on?

I'm her first love and she's mine... and do first loves fade away that quickly?

...

**Sanem**

He is my first and only love... but I **can't** keep him here, **can** I?

He wants to go and he's made it obvious that he **can** live without me.

I've given him all of me, forever, my love... and yet he wants to go! How **can** I hold him? 

**"But you were most beautiful when I saw all of your soul, Your scars and secrets." **

Are we on a double date, her with Car-wreck and me with Polen?

In the middle of the chaos, Sanem is her usual loud and bashful self, arguing with me and the chef! As she starts cutting the onions, or maybe she's sad, she starts to tear-up in the middle of the yelling frenzy!

But that moment sends me back to us cooking in my kitchen where she tried to make Pasta Bolognese and we ended up eating Pizza! Even when we are at such odds at each other, why am I flashing back to that most cherished moment in our relationship?

She's working with knives and fire in the kitchen and all I want to do is make sure she stays safe. Is that normal? Why am I so protective of her despite breaking up with her?

..

** .GOD. **

Her words hit me, right _there_, in the softest, tender-most and _lost_ part of my heart that I didn't even know existed!

"You're running away... and I can't ask you to stay" is what she said.

But I think she actually meant "I want you to stay... with me, forever!"  
..

How the fuck do I untangle this? It's like a web that I spun myself and now I'm caught in and unable to escape!

I admit it now : she knows me so much better than I know myself. She may be innocent, impressionable, manipulatable, unable to assert herself with me. But have I made it easy for her to trust me? I did fly off the handle when I learnt the truth and didn't give her a chance to explain herself, yet again!

Was I really that angry at her that I broke up with and decided to leave her?

Was I really going to leave her?

The biggest lie is what I've told myself and to her of what we mean to each other! Every waking moment, every semi-conscious and even asleep, every thought of every damn second in every fiber of my being is about her! She is my everything, everyone and forever! 

**"Our eyes recognized each other the very first time as if holding secrets for a thousand lifetimes."**

**Can**

Hmm... who is this loud and bashful girl that is insulting me in my own agency?

Before I even see, I recognize that there is truth in her words! If not for dad forcing my hand, I would get bored at the agency and go off to save the lions, that part is so true!

**UFFffffFFFffff... ! **

Before this moment, I thought that making a **connection** at first sight is a cliché written in romance novels! But this girl has my absolute, rapt and wholehearted attention... and the world just faded away as we looked at each other!

Shy and embarrassed, she says her name is **Sanem**!

...

**Sanem**

**Ah**... Sanem... _**Ah**_! What have you done? You've insulted the boss and he's been standing behind you the whole time! I'm embarrassed beyond belief but I never mind that at all, one bit!

**UFFffffFFFffff... !**

He takes my breath away with one look! He's really really handsome, dashing and the sexual and masculine energy rolls of him like a tidal wave and it hits me and drowns me wholly and completely! But those eyes, chocolate brown and soulful eyes, pierce my heart, mind and soul! 

At the ski-lodge, she did question whether our love was, in fact, _**true**_. But then again, I told her our love isn't _**special**_, so I guess we're even!

I pushed her away and she went willingly but I can't blame her for nursing her wounds as I parade and promise to leave with Polen! Sanem's on a trip with yogurt-dude and there's nothing I can do or say to stop her... and the self-inflicted torture is utter, absolute and complete!

This is the truest state at this moment and forever: I love Sanem more than I love the mountains, oceans and the whole wide world and I need, want and covet her more anyone or anything else in this whole wide world!

I was the center of her world and she would've done anything to make my dreams come true and she was all of my dreams come true! Mevikibe Hanim's words are ringing true and haunting every cell of my being! One doesn't find the person who knows and loves them for their true self that often in this world and when I did find her, I didn't cherish her!

But all that said, I've completely fucked this up, royally and beyond redemption! 

I can recognize that "ahem..." throat clear that she does anywhere in the world... but it can't be, can it?

There she is, standing there, like a resplendent angel in all her glory and I look like a savage lumberjack unable to even comprehend her presence.

"She _**is**_ here for you" whispers a crystal clear voice inside my head and it continues with "Damn it... Boy, Just reach for her, NOW!"

...

She says "**Catch** **Me!**" as she _flies_ towards me!

** .LOVE. **

I'm going to hold you, take you, keep you, protect you and make you mine for forever, and ever and ever! 

**"Souls tend to go back to who feels like home."**

**Author's Note:** The quotes are from the beautiful and heavenly poetry of N.R. Hart.

**Whooohooooo**... **EK 34 and that leap and that kiss**! 

**Dear **_**Arkadaş vs Ablas,**_ I hope you enjoyed this part as much as I loved writing it !

Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _get_ better and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **?


	37. Lower Class, Upper Crust: CaNem

**Author's Note: **EK 35 was a roller coaster. Huma, become Human, for fuck's sake!

**Can Divit**

I wake up next to an angel sleeping _so_ peacefully, innocently and trusting of me. My cup runneth over, my heart is brimming with earth-shattering love and immense relief at having her next to me, soon to be forever! Her literal leap of faith gesture to win us back, to mend and bind us together, had stunned me speechless. Truth is, she had me at first gaze, the fact that she was there for me, and knowing that, had quenched all of my anger and ego!

Why did I get so mad at her? All reasons seems to elude me and I'm starting to understand I truly love her, ardently, deeply and irrevocably! Whoever said that you can be _**only**_ truly be mad at someone you _**only**_ truly love had it dead right. 

But I also know _now_ that Sanem is sometimes afraid of me, of losing me, and I have to reassure her that no matter the problem, I'll calm the fuck down and talk to her! In this moment, I promise to be a better version of myself, with her, for her and for us. Last night we spoke about sweet nothings as she drifted to sleep. I grimace at the topics, earth is flat, eggs and I don't know how time flies when she is with me. It's morning and now we have to go our separate ways and I absolutely hate mornings! Neither of us had a proper dinner and she's certain to wake up terribly hungry and that's my cue to get us some brekkie!

She's mine, she's always been mine, I knew it in my heart of hearts and that's why I could never leave her. I'll be her mallard and her Albatross, someone she can depend on, forever!

** .LOVE!**

I love her for her brilliant mind, her eccentricities, her diffidence, her insecurities, her softness, her directness, her kind heart, her angry heart, all of it, the good, the bad and the ugly and I now want to own her body, mind, spirit and soul!

...

See Sanem, I am calm, I've pulled over to the curb so we can discuss her coming back to the agency. She thinks I'm jealous of Car-crash-Dude and that's why I'm asking her to come back to the agency. Okay... there's a bit of truth to it but that's not the entirety of it!

I inherently dislike and distrust him, not just because of his attentions to Sanem, but also because I see him as a slick operator with a hidden motive. It's the same gut instinct I had about Fabri and look where it landed us. He pounced during a weak moment for the Aydin sisters and took advantage of their collective talent. Yes I know, Emre and I are fully at fault to let that happen in the first place and I'd definitely like to make amends on the professional front as well.

Look Sanem, Mevkibe-hanim does like him either, she's astute, wise and intuitive and that woman definitely knows her people!

Beyond all that, Sanem is a rare, once in a lifetime talent, and she's part of the reason our agency is a success, and I can't imagine spending a minute away from her, ever!

...

But it's her decision and I'll simply have to respect it. This is tough, but she's doing her best to reassure me every chance she gets! Oh... this is fun, I can't believe I'm this easily placated by her... a well-timed kiss on the lips and she gets her way with me and away she goes!

...

...

... 

Upon hearing that Sanem and I have reconciled, Huma actually suggested having dinner with her family and us. I'm dubious at first but that seems like a great idea!

...

I just can't believe what was happening in front of my eyes! We're all on our feet, Huma and Mevkibe-hanim are sparring at each other! Nihat-bey puts his foot down and chides both of them for behaving badly. Fair is fair, but he was _unfair_ to Mevkibe-hanim because he called both her and Huma childish for behaving badly in front of their children.

... 

It's a good thing Huma is driving back with Emre and it gives me a chance to collect my thoughts and now unleash my anger on Huma.

I am so embarrassed, humiliated and devastated by Huma's behavior! First, she was elitist boasting about Chef Frederik, who cares not about Huma. Then she ordered seafood that is unfamiliar to them to showboat them.

But what did I expect of her? That she is going to turn around and become Mommy-dearest overnight? I should've known and suspected that Huma would have a nasty trick up her sleeve in inviting the Aydin's. When did I get so naive about Huma? 

After that came the icing on the cake, she called Sanem a gold-digger! That, simply, categorically and crystal clearly will not do and I will not accept any disrespect towards Sanem. Sanem is the last person on earth who cares about my wealth and I'm certain that she'd be happy living in a tent with me if that means we're together! Sanem's intellectual capacity and emotional maturity to give unconditional love to those she loves is beyond compare and a billion times more than that of Huma.

Sanem, my girl, my love, my one and only, she's the one with a precious heart of gold, and hers is all mine, now and forever! 

...

I've made it very clear to Huma that Sanem and her family are dear and paramount to me! Get it through your thick skull woman, they're more important to me than you'll ever be to me! The woman wouldn't even acknowledge that she behaved badly and pretended she was the one victimized. I ripped her a new one about her behavior at the restaurant and told her our non-existent relationship is at an impasse!

...

As I wait for Sanem by the rocks at the bay, I'm retrospective about what happened and contemplating her reactions. 

What **family** do I have to bring to this relationship? Yes, I have Emre, but Huma has caused such malaise, disrespect and potentially irreparable damage to our relationship, that any forgiveness I can ask of them may be pointless. I'm the tainted fruit, the apple that hasn't fallen far from the tree would be the perception, and I have to do everything in my power to correct it! All I have is me, and it'll be the best version of me, to offer her, and then I roll a dice on the future! 

What's _**wrong**_ with Huma? Mevkibe-hanim has known me for a mere months, but actually that's more than Huma has known me, so **that's **_**that**_! But, she's been able to understand me, talk to me and gets me so easily. She's been able to reach that silent and yearning part of my heart with a choice few words... and some delicious Dolma! And she called me her son, that was sweet and special! 

But why **can't** Huma? This is a woman with two failed marriages and she thinks she's the arbiter of my happiness? Does she really think she knows what's best for me? Isn't it all just a game of zip code, bank balance and designer clothing for her? Would she object if Sanem and Polen were friends? 

What if Sanem's parents **disapprove **of me? Oh well, that is a possibility and I can't blame them if it happens. For who would want to associate with such a family? First mom abandons me and then dad follows suit. Mom comes back with a story on why she abandoned me in the first place and expected sympathy for her actions. I did, and she's repaid me thusly! 

What if Sanem **breaks-up** with me? Family is paramount to my girl and the fact that her family was debased by Huma could play a role in her decision whether or not she becomes mine! And here I thought Fabri & Yigit were the worst of my problems. No, it's the one I have at the house, the one that never was, but is back, and trying to ruin me now! 

What **can** I do ? Is our love strong to endure this episode? Can she accept me for everything that I am and make _that_ leap of faith? I'm literally going to lay the world at her feet and expect her to embrace me, the good, the bad and the ugly!

... 

**Sanem Soysal-Aydin**

Can's asked me to meet me at the rocks by the bay and I know that poor Can, my Caan, he's going to be so upset and so unsure! I hope he's not mad at mom for starting the fight and I'd have to apologize for her behavior!

All I want to do is hold him, hug him, kiss him and make him feel better! Oh wow... and it looks like that's all he wants to do as well! He's so miserable and upset at his mom and I want to reassure him that we'll be alright as long as we are together! 

**Can Divit**

She holds me in a tight embrace, curls into me and kisses me and I kiss her to reciprocate her loving gesture to feel close to me. All of the self-doubt that I had about her and her commitment to us vanishes in an instant! My world stops and spins on a new axis... and I'm relieved that she's still with me, for me and I'm so sure that we can face any and all hurdles and succeed together! 

** .GOD! **

Did she just say "Let's get married"?

** .LOVE!**

I am incandescently happy, I asked and she said "**YES**". I may have continued to ask her until she agreed... but I'm glad that **third **time was the charm!

From where we began to where we are now, it's an honest journey of understanding each other, growing together, learning to trust each other and simply being there for each other. And now I get to call her mom Anne-Hanim and dad Baba-bey... I truly am lucky, blessed and cherished to have it all!

Sanem, is now and forever the center of my universe, my one and only, my better half, true love and soulmate!

**Author's Note:** Can Divit, **woot-woot**... this episode is one of the reasons I love him so very much! He's mom-hurt, seeking attention, class-blind, down-to-earth, unpretentious and honest-to-goodness, period!

**Personal Note**: As a teenage-orphan and only child, I had no family to offer my DH, just me, flawed, broken, surviving and carrying the heavy burden of my dear parents' dreams on my shoulders. Some _crucial _in-laws behaved exactly like Huma towards me. Key difference being they were intellectually arrogant and made sure to tell me I didn't measure up to their educated and refined family culture. 22 years later that is water under the bridge but some relationships will never be, never took off and that's just a pragmatic reality! It is what it is and I think less toxic relationships, the better it is for everyone!

**Dear **_**Arkadaş vs Ablas,**_ I hope you liked this part as much as I loved writing it !

Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _get_ better and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **?


	38. Touched by an Angel:Can Divit, Jan 2019

**Author's Note:** 1\. **Baba **, 2. Emre, 3. **Metin **, 4. **Akif,** 5\. Sanem 

I've been back in Istanbul for about 9 months, and what a dramatic few months it has been!

Well, I couldn't have known how my life would transform and transcend after meeting Sanem. When I'm with her, I'm nervous yet really brave and she brings out the best, and worst in me, in equal parts and turns!

She's my mountains and oceans combined, my friend, my one and only, love and true soulmate!  
...

When I'm with her, I have this overwhelming need and want to touch her, feel her, hold her and hug her... apart from the other things I want to do to her, with her and for her!

As she lies sleeping on my lap, content in our love for each other, I start to analyze and wonder what her touch does to me and how it brings me home!

...

I professionally shake hands with men and Euro-kiss women all the time... but have I really, truly been touched by anyone? Also, not just figuratively but _literally_! 

I saw Baba after nearly 6 months and I had missed him terribly! I now tower over him in height and I was so glad to hold and hug him after all that time! It was clear that he had missed me too. At that time, I didn't know the seriousness of his health condition and our precious couple of days together means so much to me now!

Past Baba, I hugged Emre and messed with his coiffed hair... Waiii, is he handsome? But not more handsome than me, Hah!

At the 40th anniversary celebration, I met Metin and got a jesting, friendly punch and hug... wow I do miss Metin! He was a great friend and I should make amends. If Huma can be forgiven, Metin technically didn't do anything wrong!

Meeting Akif with Sanem was fun! As if he could foretell our future, he assumed we were there together, as a couple! I haven't seen Akif in a few months as well and I've been a bad friend to my friends but I blame it all on the sweet, compelling and overwhelming obsession that is Sanem... and I wouldn't have it any other way!

...

The first time I truly held Sanem was her first time at the mountain hut which is now our mountain hut... it now represents her and our love for each other!

...

Wow, man, I have it bad! I miss her even when she is next to me... because she's next to me and not on me. This thing, connection, like gravity that I feel towards her defines my state of existence and being! She's in every waking moment, in my dreams and has completely usurped me, body, mind, spirit and soul!

When she touches me, I truly come alive and feel reborn into the world!

But why is that? I don't want a reason for it to be so, but it does make me wonder how she's like an oasis in the middle of the desert and a warm blanket in the coldest ocean!

...

Aahhh... voila! I recognize and realize such a fundamental thing about us! Over the last few months, she is the only person and woman who had managed to breach my personal space as much as I've managed to breach hers!

She's touched my heart and soul but also my body in her own sweet, innocent and caring ways! I'm like an addict when it comes to her hugs and touch... craving for more and more each day! 

**Author's Note:** FIVE people - that's it, only FIVE people in the world have held Can Divit in the last few months and 3 of them are somewhat gone from this life! I found it strange, the lack of that human touch, my empathy grows for the character and broke my heart a little! Yes, I know he's fictional but somehow feels real!

In contradiction, Can Yaman's interview below he talks about this topic. Everyone is entitled to their privacy, physical space and peace and it's abominable that people would invade that without his permission...it broke my heart a lot!

**Dear **_**Arkadaş vs Ablas,**_ I hope you enjoyed this part as much as I loved writing it !

Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _get_ better and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **?


	39. Put a Ring on It : Can Divit, Feb 2019

**Author's Note: **Can Divit just got proposed, YAAAYYYY!

We're meeting at our usual spot in the city where we've had numerous arguments, left each other, found each other and here I am waiting for Sanem to meet me.

Did she just say let's get married? Wow, she said "Yes" to the question I had asked her a few months back. She's really spontaneous, refreshingly surprising and renders me speechless!

I've just dropped off Sanem and shared my great news with Emre. He's truly and totally excited for me and Sanem and that hug speaks volumes to our brotherhood.

...

I'm so excited that I don't think I can sleep tonight. I've tossed and turned in bed about and for Sanem but tonight is so uniquely pleasurable, wonderful and surreal!

The elation, euphoria and ecstasy that I'm experiencing at the fact that she wants to be mine is endless. The only thing keeping me grounded and in place is my body as my spirt & soul have taken flight like a soaring albatross into a world of limitless possibilities and boundless dreams. Just how she proposed to me in her innocent, pure, shy and yet alluring way makes me want to have and hold her and never let her go!

...

Why was I angry at her? I feel really fucking stupid at the way I've acted towards her and I have to apologize properly. How many times have I told her that I won't leave her and left her in the end? What in the fucking world was I thinking? Was my heart so shallow or my ego so deep that I couldn't recognize what she meant to me and how much I've become hers!

I promise to **never** again test, trial or break her faith in me. This is it, now, forever, I'll man-up, be calmer, rise for our love and be _her_ Albatross, the man of her dreams as she promises to be the center of my universe!

...

I've been difficult, illogical and behaved like an errant child, her too sometimes, but me more than her. I've faced the tsunami of her hurt and disappointment masquerading as anger. But I'm beginning to glean that she fights clean and fair, while I totally do not, and I weaponize the possibility that I can leave anytime, against her.

Despite me being me, she has accepted me for who I am, however I am, for all that I am... and I hope to be deserving of her love, true love, as she described in the ski cabin.

I'm scared to death and beyond but I'm also feeling brave beyond I've ever felt in my life! I'm the one that will be protecting her when the thunder roars, per her. That was a simply powerful, profound and potent way of expressing her love for me... and that night was one to remember as I missed her being in my arms, her potent essence and her inexperienced yet soulful touch!

She has implicitly trusted me, been extremely loyal to me and tried to protect me from all evils, real and imaginary. When she says the word "trust" to me, my world stops and spins on her axis and existence!

Where has she been all my life? How did I not meet her sooner? I had to wait 30 years to meet the one person that I can't live without, ironic and yet poetic! I was reborn the exact moment I kissed her, met her and I can't wait for our life to start, now, this very moment!

...

...

Today is a new day and I'm going to make it my life's mission to ensure that she feels like the queen that she is and the master of me. She looks agitated that both our mom's have had a tiff. I want to, have to, need to make her feel better, bring her to the present moment and celebrate the glorious moment of having her, now and forever!

At Polen's book launch, she's rallying her spirits well but seeing her struggle and being sidelined after the creative idea was hers, broke my heart. But hey, I can do something today and now to fix it, and be her hero every chance I get, starting now. So, I introduce her and she comes willingly into my arms with a blooming smile on her face... uffff!

For my girl, my shero, I'll shatter conventions and constraints and rules are meant to be rewritten for her love!

_**That**_ moment when she took my hand, and I claimed her loudly and clearly that she was **mine**, is the moment I knew that I had to seal the deal and put a ring on that hand, that finger I kissed as a symbol of becoming hers, and soulmates forever!

...

She called me handsome once and my wits were scattered on the floor that day. Today, now, I have to dress the part so as to take every last advantage that I have to convince my girl to get that ring on her finger! One last look in the mirror and I tuck the ring into my jacket pocket close to my heart!

...

It's my birthday today and I'm going to ask Sanem for the ultimate gift, the honor of sharing her life with me! Before that, I'll have to ask her parents' permission and I'm fairly uncertain of their feelings towards me and my family. But, I'm my own man, her man, only hers, now and forever, and that would be everything I am and have to offer at the most pinnacle and pivotal moment of my life!

If all else fails, I'll have to convince them, day by day, that Sanem is in every fiber of my being, heart, mind, spirit and soul and she completes, enriches and defines me!

I'm encouraged and emboldened by Nihat-bey's wordless approval and acceptance and that's half the battle won!

The words just flow from my heart to her ears...!

**"My heart, My better half, My EVERYTHING..." "Marry me?" **

**NIRVANA, Seventh Heaven Beckons and I'm the luckiest, happiest and most blessed person in the universe!**

**She's mine, and I'm hers, now and forever! **

**Author's Note: **I cried, unlady-like, ugly-cry of happy tears at the last 5 minutes of EK 36.

My DH & I eloped. Our wedding cost all of $1 and the ceremony lasted about 5 minutes. For a person of Indian origin, that is one major FOMO I have in life! If someone had told me that I'd probably get married only once, we would've splurged a bit! But DH has promised to rectify that for our 25th in 2021... yaay!

I vicariously live via other people's engagements and weddings! EK is going to be one of those events!

**Dear **_**Arkadaş vs Ablas,**_ I hope you liked this part as much as I loved writing it !

Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _get_ better and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **?

PS : if you've read this far, one more TMI. An awesome but weird thing keeps happening to me and I've been crashing weddings a lot, a lot, and I started documenting it! = /6fir4y =


	40. Seal my Lips : Can Divit, March 2019

**Author's Note:** Keşke (if only) there weren't any restrictions on Turkish TV for kissing and PDA.

First time I asked her impromptu was by rocks at the bay.

...

Second time I had planned, plotted and proposed at the mountain hut.

...

In _**the**_ most fortuitous, serendipitous and felicitous way I never could have imagined, she said "Yes" in my living room, full of people, including our parents, siblings and friends!

** .LOVE!**

We're being congratulated, hugged and kissed in turns by everyone in the room. Although I'm reveling in the wishes that is being bestowed upon us, my impatience is at an all time high and I'm losing all of my willpower!

...

I've held her hands since she said the words, accepted me, taken me and embraced me for all that I am. Now I just can't wait to have her to myself! I can see that she's blushing, really enchanted, ecstatic and excited.

I want to inhale her essence, taste her energy, feel her delicate touch, have her warm body in my arms, wholly possess her and make it a life-affirming moment for us together! I want to imprint, impress and embed this unforgettable moment in her eidectic mind!

I casually guide her away from the crowd and I'd like to believe that we skipped unnoticed, not a chance, but I simply don't care! She's tucked in the nook under my arm and her ringed finger and hand is still rested on my heart... and I walk her to my bedroom.

Without letting her go, I splay her against the wall and start by kissing her hands and her soft inner palms... wow, she smells amazing, refreshing and life-affirming.

Wordless, her hands caress and cup my face, holding and angling me like she owns me, she does, as she transfixes me in her gaze. I brush the wayward hair from her face, she's got this sparkle, shine and shimmer in her eyes and a shy smile that shatters all of my self-control. I tip her face by the chin and go for her lips!

I kiss her, slowly, seeking and sensual and hold her lips in mine. She returns the kiss with a pout, making it one of the most enjoyable, erotic and ecstatic moments of my life. My body is rioting, my mind is racing, my spirit is lit and my lips...our lips bound together, and I feel secured, connected and tethered to her soul!

I kiss her with all my life's force, "I love you, my one and only, soulmate" repeats a voice in my head hoping she can hear me! In the moment I can hear voice respond back "I love you, more than I love myself... and you're only mine"!

I savor her taste, her soft lips, her energy and we hold each other, fingers intertwined, breath mingling, and sharing what can only be described as a palpable proof of our need, want and love for each other. When she shudders slightly, I reluctantly break the kiss with the aim of not stopping all night if she'll let me! But alas, I know I'm duty bound to wait for our wedding night to take it any further. For this girl, I can wait a millennia, but hope not, to make her mine, the right way, the only way I'll have the privilege of have her be mine, all mine, forever!

Sanem's looking at me dove-eyed with the lingering "kiss me... again" look on her face and I relish that expression as it fills my vision. Before I can react or recoup, she pulls me closer and her lips are on mine, eager, earnest and insistent and she opens herself to me! Wow... she wants to kiss me and be kissed by me... and I reach new heights of euphoria and as we explore each other more deeply, assuredly and truly than ever before!

To be hers, to kiss her whenever I want, to have her and to hold her will be the purpose and ultimate honor to and of my life!

**Author's Note:** The number 3 repeats itself in Islam in key circumstances and I my guess is that EK organically incorporated that in the story. CaNem has had experiences in three's, so far!

So, I wrote this story with three words, adjectives, nouns and endearments!

**"Klimt: The Kiss" : **the painting is yellow like EK and they feel like CaNem to me!

**Dear **_**Arkadaş vs Ablas,**_ I hope you liked this part as much as I loved writing it !

Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _get_ better and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **?


	41. Of Fathers & Son: Aziz Divit&Nihat Aydin

**Author's Note:** Rites of passage are events that mark important transitional periods in a person's life, such as birth, puberty, adulthood, marriage, having children and even death. Every passage transitions individuals from their prior role and prepares them for new roles and responsibilities. So what happens if the rite of passages are disrupted? What happens if they're not conducted in the right order? What role do parents play in the rites of passage for a young man?

**Aziz: Naming, 40 days & First Tooth **

Baby Divit came screaming loudly into the world and we've become parents for the first time. There are ten fingers and ten toes and we feel immense relief, immediate elation and intense joy at holding him in our arms! Even within a few hours he becomes the center of our world and we're blissfully adoring his yawns, mild smile and experiencing happiness whenever he open his eyes!

Then comes the moment when we have to name him, Huma and I both have ideas, but we've been calling him "**Canim**" (our life) over the last few days... and it is a natural choice for him!

**Can, pronounced as "Jaan" means spirit, life, soul or heart ? and he's all that and so much more to us! **

...

We've been home for the last 40 days and Huma says the angels have given Can to her for life. She's incandescently happy taking care of him and showing him off to the rest of the world. Mother and son are inseparable despite the household help and I can see the mother and son bond grow incredibly within the those few days!

There's a party to introduce Can Divit to the world and he missed the whole event by peacefully sleeping in the arms of whoever is holding him!

...

Can's been grabbing and biting anything he can get his hands on... and surprise, he's getting his first tooth at 6 months! That's quiet early for a baby but we're feeling blessed at having an early achiever in the home. There's a party and ceremony at home to celebrate the tooth "**dis buğdayı**_"_ and it appears that Can is not enjoying the attention as much! He's been howling his little guts out and doesn't want to be with anyone other than Huma or myself. We check and verify everything, is he hungry, soiled or wet, bitten by something, having an allergic reaction, nada, nothing, everything is perfectly fine but he won't calm down even for a moment. He wants to be held, left alone with us and doesn't want anyone entering the _sacred _circle!

As I reflect back, that is one of the last few days that we were bound together and celebrated each other as a family! Did Can know that was the case and that's why he wanted to be only with us, as a family?! Now I wonder!

**Aziz : Puberty to Young Adult**

It's late evening, I'm working and my laptop is causing some issues. It crashes in the middle of my presentation and I'm flabbergasted. I call out to Can as I can hear him playing video games in the living room.

Can walks into the room reluctantly and asks me what I need. In that moment, I suddenly realize that I have an almost teenage boy and he's towering me in height! Wow... how did I miss that he's almost as tall as me and I'm asking him for help! How time flies... and I've been too busy dealing with Huma, the divorce, the general stress of work and life!

I hand the laptop to him and tell him it's crashed. He takes it from me with a chuckle and fiddles with it as I watch fascinated. He pops open a few compartments, checks, fixes _something _and after a few minutes, it comes back to life. He says it's like new now and I won't have to worry. I thank him and give me a slap on the back approval... wow, my _**baby **_got **bigg**!

...

As he walks away, I'm having an epiphany and OMG, what have I done?! I've been angry at Huma, my circumstances, been totally selfish and not concentrated about what must be going through Can!

It's very strange that Can has never asked me for anything so far! He's never asked me if Huma and I will reconcile, he's never said he misses her or Emre and he's never cried or thrown a tantrum. He's not known to be difficult and I've not seen or heard anything amiss from Rifat-bey or his teachers. I wonder if the rest of the children behave this way and or they're all picture perfect like Can!

Is there something huge that I'm missing? Do tween boys become so self-sufficient that they don't mind not being around or taken care of by their parents? It can't be, can it? I'm his dad after all and young boys are _supposed _to need their dad, right?

Is it possible that he's built a defense mechanism to not feel any hurt or anger? Is it possible that he has no expectations of and from me? How did I eliminate myself from his life and my own? We're two strangers living in the same house and behaving like roommates!

Now that I'm thinking about, really thinking about it, I'm recollecting that Can and I have no proper relationship. He's probably too disappointed in me to even try to build one and what's my excuse?

Does he have any friends? We're in this new house in the city and he's very active with sports and other physical pursuits. But is that all a facade and distraction to deal with what he doesn't have in his life?

As I think more about it, I'm sitting in my chair in the office having an anxiety attack and sweating profusely reflecting on my actions or rather inaction's in life.

...

I've not been a good father to him at all spending most of my time at the office and focusing on what's wrong with my life rather than the young man now in my care.

He'll be turning 13 soon and I realized we've not have a birthday party for him not since decades ago! So I start to plan a party for him and invite all of his school and other friends from the neighborhood. After some research, I decide to get him a Playstation II as that's _the _hot item to get for teenage boys!

I vow now that I'll be there for Can, my **Canim**, and make amends for the past and the future!

**Aziz : Off to College**

Can is now 17, going off to college and I can't believe that I've had so little time with him!

I woke-up from a trance when he was 13 and realized that I've been a negligent, thoughtless and overall shitty dad. As I was attempting to change all that, Can entered a rebellious phase of his life and I caught him smoking, drinking, cutting school and partying really hard! In an attempt to discipline him, I had him sent to boarding school and that seems to have done wonders for him!

He has friends that he's made for life and I'm really glad for him! But that has not changed, improved or bettered our relationship. We're cordial with each other, almost like friends nowadays, we discuss photography, politics and sports and stay away from any and all emotionally charged topics!

Can's now an amateur photographer and I now have a chance to build a relationship while working with him. He's spent a few summers as an apprentice working on campaigns at the agency and his work has been phenomenal! Yes, I'm his dad and I'm probably exaggerating but this kid, my kid, has excellent staging and timing, superb sense of lighting and unparalleled ability to capture impromptu moments!

Soon he'll be off to college to study marketing and visual communications and hopefully I can convince him to come back to work at the agency with me!

**Aziz : 20-something Adult Nomad**

Can Divit, my boy, he's graduated summa cum laude, and it's one of **the **proudest moments of my life! To top it, Emre has been visiting me over the summers and enrolled to study finance in London. It is possible that I can convince Emre to come work with me when he's graduated as well! Then I'll have both boys near and dear to me and I can finally start to make amends for the past!

We're having a celebration dinner and I'm eager to broach the subject of Can joining the agency. I introduce the subject and make him an offer that I can't imagine he would refuse. The agency is my life's work, my legacy and who better than to lead it into the future than my regal and prodigal son!

He pauses for a moment, looks away and alarm bells start to go off in my head! I know instinctively what comes next is going to be not what I was praying for, hoping and expecting to happen!

Can aspires to become an adventure, lifestyle and wildlife photographer traveling the world doing philanthropic work! He's explaining how he's got an opportunity to travel to Sri Lanka for a few months to document the refugee camps and tell their story to the world. He's got assignments and projects scheduled for the next 3 years at least with brief sojourns at home!

I'm shocked and my senses dull as I tune him out... long story short, he wants to leave me and travel for a livelihood! He is nonchalant and blasé at prospect of leaving but enlivened and exuberant by the way he describes how he's going to lead his life!

As my shock wears off, I realize this is a major **karma **moment come back to haunt me forever! Did I think there'll be no consequences for abandoning him during his formative years? Well, here it is, staring at me, and it appears my son grew very strong, agile and independent wings that will fly him far and away!

What choice does a father have at this moment rather than let go? I do the first wise thing I've done with Can in a long time. I actively **listen **to him. I ask him questions about his plans, inquire to ensure that he's thought about risks and dangers, gather details of living conditions and who is funding the trips.

I do make an explicit request that, no matter where he is in the world, he has to check in with me on Fridays to let me know he's alright... that would ease a father's heart and mind, I tell him. Can gives me one of his massive full body hugs that I'm sure to miss every single day! All that being said, I realize all I can and will say is "Bravo & Bon Voyage"!

...

As promised, Can made it to the 40th anniversary celebration of Fikir Harika. It is so good to see him after nearly 6 months! If at all possible, my son is more dashing, handsome and debonair than I last saw him!

It's late in the evening, but as is custom, we're having a welcome home drink by a roaring fire in the backyard.

I'm conflicted about telling him about my health condition and don't want to plague or taint his return with my own tale of woe. Why break a lifelong tradition of not discussing emotional matters and start today?! Moreover, when I ask Can to takeover the reins to the agency, my life's legacy, it should not be because he feels duty-bound, sorry or obligated to me!

Can agrees to my request to run the agency in my absence and I promise him I'll be back soon. I'm unsure if it's a promise I can keep... but sure hope I can for Can's sake!

**Nihat Aydin : Marriage **

Sanem is deeply in love with this young man, Can Divit, and they just got engaged! He very touchingly, respectfully and wordlessly asked for my permission to marry my dear daughter and I gladly gave him my love, permission and blessing!

Both Leyla and Sanem are the apple of my eyes but it's no secret that Sanem is my very special babe, she takes after me, she's been with me the whole time, we're attached at the hips, she's been taking care of me, Mevkibe and the store! She's the child that never left home and her life centered around our family and mahalle!

I have astronomically high hopes and expectations of any young men that would want to marry my daughters, and my princess Sanem! By that I mean not that he has to be rich, famous or successful but that he is noble, brave and kindhearted! For Can Divit, I need to know that he loves her more than he loves himself and only then will be I be able to give away my one and only Sanem!

...

But before that, I had an inkling that something was going on between them and caught glimpses of their attention, care and love for each other!

It was that time when Sanem was hurt in an accident and Can & Emre had bought her home after treating her at a hospital. It was funny and strange when Can said that he had not noticed Sanem's awkwardness! He was covering for her flailing in a sweet way and that caught my attention for sure!

We were having a picnic in the woods and I noticed that Can & Sanem were smiling at each other and he couldn't take his eyes off her! As I observed Sanem, she was totally engrossed and enamored by this young man too!

And after that, it appeared Can Divit was everywhere I turned and every third word out of Sanem's mouth was "Can"! He was invited to a family dinner on the night of our 30th wedding anniversary... and I can't believe it, but Mevkibe mentioned damat's (son-in-law) during our dinner!

Sanem and I haven't really talked about Can but he's been omnipresent in her life ever since they met each other! She's never really talked to me about her love; but I did ask her if she's met the man who'd save her when the thunder roars and she said that she indeed met him! On that day, I assumed it was Can Divit but I got proof of it when he was invited to Leyla's engagement!

...

Actually, nowadays every tenth word out of Mevkibe's mouth is also "Can"! He helped her get elected to the city council and supported her with great ideas including the one to setup the library. But more _importantly_, she's always feeding him and I'm having to share her delicious food with him!

Mevkibe doesn't like or trust new people yet she's quiet taken with Can and that's been a revelation to me! There should be something about him to make all the women in my family swoon at his feet and I'm certain that he deserves the reward and recognition!

...

Can is from an affluent family and not from our mahalle; but he has no airs or pretensions but is truly gracious, humble and grounded.

Can has long hair and a bun and looks informal even when he is formal and doesn't dress like anyone I know; but that tells me he's certain of who he is and is his own man.

Can cherishes and encourages Sanem and her world expanded since she met him. She now has new friends, a promising career and I'm guessing that Can had a role to play in it.

Can has been nomadic so far and has travelled everywhere in his young life; but that means he's worldly wise, street smart and capable of taking care of my klutzy daughter.

Can loves Sanem and I bear witness to the love they have for each other in their eyes, beings and hearts and in due time, he'd be a son-in-law in name, but truly a son of the family!

**But what else is a father to say?! If this be the case, Can deserves Sanem and I could not have parted with Sanem, my dear Sanem, to any one less worthy! **

**Author's Note:** I borrowed Mr. Bennet's lines from "Pride and Prejudice" of and for his favorite child Elizabeth.

Everyone blames Huma for abandoning Can but not Aziz for being the neglectful parent. They're both equally to blame for Can Divit's imperfections. But that's why we love Can Divit, right?!

**PS:** This is a very cathartic story for me to write, truly!

**Aziz **is exactly how my dad behaved when he became a widower. He was depressed, sad and angry; the love of a great woman ruined him for the rest of his short life! A few years later, we had an awesome, reflective and very dear... but short-lived 3 months when he recognized that I was _**there **_the whole time and suffered the same anger, disappointment and sadness but was abandoned by both parents, one dead and one living! And then he was gone, in April coincidentally, and it's been 26 years!

My parents _never_ met my DH! My DD and him _missed_ each other by a mere 3 months! Even to this day, I wonder how their relationship would have been if they had met before my DD died! **Nihat **is how I vicariously imagine that my DD would have behaved, built a relationship and blessed me after meeting my DH, my best friend, love and soulmate!

Hope you enjoy reading my stories and thanks for spending your time with me!

**Please follow, vote, add to list, ****comment** **& share your thoughts!**

**XoXo, DR **? ﾟﾘﾍ? ﾟﾏﾼ? ﾟﾏﾼ?


	42. Yin and Yang: Can Divit, March 2019

**Author's Note:** Yin & Yang means that things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites!

I asked her to marry me in private and she rejected me.

I asked her to marry me in front of almost everyone I know and she accepted me.

Sanem is ecstatic and that's all I care about, and this one, we'll do her way!

..

There is such drama around the wedding ceremony and neither one of us is happy about the way things are progressing!

All I want is to be married to this girl and I've made it very clear to her, over and over and over again!

I've offered nature, me and two witnesses to start living our lives together.

Yet she insists that we be married with a lot of pomp and circumstance to make our moms happy, her mahalle happy and who else not that matters!

So, I cave again and we're having it happen her way!

..

Whoa... Emre just stole my thunder! My little bro who is always organized, methodical and formal just did an instinctive, impulsive and spontaneous act and got married to the love of his life Leyla! He recognized what it was to lose her once and seized the day, Bravo !

Sanem and I were witnesses at the wedding and I would've asked her to marry me, then and there, if not for the moms interrupting us! I'm fairly certain that both the moms will get over it eventually and we may get a brief interlude from Huma at least.

Alas, that didn't happen! But I understand that a woman plans her wedding day since she's a little girl and I'd love for Sanem to have her special day as a bride, my bride, my only and only, to become my wife!

...

Sanem is wearing a sexy, sultry and sensual wedding dress for the photo shoot. Thanks to Deren's intervention, we are actually playing bride and groom and I'm so excited to get a dress rehearsal before the actual event!

I can't remember the last time I actually was intimate with a woman! Oh well I do, but I don't want to acknowledge that it's been a year! It has not mattered with Sanem before and I've always reigned myself in despite the riotous reactions of my body. But seeing her in that backless dress is triggering a hunger and unsated need in me to touch her, hold her, have her hold me, kiss me and make passionate love to each other and be cocooned in a bubble, just the two of us and become each others' body, mind, spirit and soul!

Her back is exposed in that dress and I can't resist the urge to caress and appreciate her soft and sensational curves! She's a bit surprised by my overture and admonishes me with an endearing "**Caan**"... and I tell myself, "Soon Bebe, you'll be _**begging**_ me to touch you"!

...

While I'm still reeling from the contact and her reaction, I hear her say something profoundly shocking!

"I'm glad we didn't **marry** in a **hurry**?" She said that, didn't she?! Not only did she shy away from my touch, now she's glad, _**glad**_, that we are not married!? I'm having an out of body moment, being rejected as a **groom** and as a _**man**_ at the same moment! This can't be, Can it?

She's wearing a wedding dress and boldly proclaiming that we shouldn't get married?! Why the fuck not? What's wrong with getting married spontaneously and without the drama? I'm not opposed to having a party afterwards with family and friends but why does the ceremony have to be something other than a signature? For everything that she's had her way, why can't the ceremony and our legal commitment to each other be a simple one?! Is that too much to ask?

I'm private and she's open.

I'm reserved and she's loud.

I like simple and she's grand.

I hate ceremony and she seems to revel in it.

I say caravan and she says hotel.

I say TV and she says books.

I go with the flow and she's meandering to the will of others!

Is everything in our life going to be centered around how others would feel about how we live our life? Is the approval of others, don't care who they are, so important to her that she'll ignore and invalidate my feelings in the process?

...

Ah, Sanem, Ah! I can see that she's so very impressionable and pliable and I want to push her a bit to take a stance, stand up for herself and us. Now that Leyla has married without her parents' permission, Sanem is taking on the responsibility of making them happy by preparing an elaborate wedding ceremony!

She's behaving so embryonic and seems so suckled to her parents. As much as I respect them, none of the parents involved are behaving like adults and it's our turn to be the adults that make decisions!

How do I help her understand that this is entirely about us? Just the two of us, our life and it has to be our decision to get married, trust each other, love fiercely and be together!

...

I propose the only thing I know how to do. I want us to leave together and connect to each other deeply, intimately and forever!

Suddenly, we are in a fight, a turmoil and now we are arguing about and for our relationship, or is it against?!

I give her a way out saying she doesn't have to marry me and she retorts that I'm always ready to leave! But I want to leave with you, dammit, woman! Don't you get it? I want us to be two peas in a pod, private and make that eternal bond with each other the only way I know, traveling and on a journey, away and together!

She wanted the albatross and she has one. I'm a nomad, a monogamist, I love her and been truly loyal to her and I want to live my life only with her! But her fight back sounds like she wants not an Albatross that **soars** but the one that **hangs** around the neck!

Is her love a theoretical and bookish one from one of her romance novels? Is it the one where the story ends in a wedding and rarely portrays a marriage in a realistic and romantic way? Truly, if Romeo and Juliet had lived, they would've killed other eventually or Romeo would've cheated on Juliet. Are Elizabeth and Darcy really suited for each other? Yet again, the story ends in a wedding, no talk of marriage and how their class differences and varying tempers would've impacted their lives!

I'm her first and hopefully only love and is she mature enough to understand how I've lived my life and that I'd like to share it with her? I'd like her and us to have a life-altering journey to begin our life and she thinks I'm proposing we run away?! Is she that naive or literal? I don't get it and I can't hold her back now, Can I?

I want this girl to want me for who I am, all of it, unapologetic, complete and unequivocal, and this moment she's not wanting me at all!

I listen to my inner voice and she's claiming that she can't hear hers with me! This will not do and despite everything we've been together, I'll have to let her go to find herself, be aware of the woman I know she is, and then we'd be better suited for each other!

But can I? She's in every fiber, breath and beat of my being and my unrequited spirit calls for her spirit and I yearn for that connection with her, her warmth, her essence, her vivacity and the life affirming force that is her, now, today, tomorrow and forever!

**Author's Note**: Can Divit is hurt, butt hurt, at the physical rejection. He's very affectionate, always hugging & kissing her and leaving her in no doubt of this attraction for her. Then really quickly, it is followed by an emotional rejection! She's mildly admonishing him while keeping him at bay and slipping from his grasp, literally, despite the Turkish TV rules!

How many rejections does a man need to recognize that he's not accepted and embraced for who he is? I connect and empathize with Can Divit so this story is colored and has a slant towards his feelings and emotions!

Please vote, give me your comments (if you love or hate it) and as always, I appreciate your support & feedback!

xoxo, DR ? ﾟﾘﾍ? ﾟﾏﾼ? ﾟﾏﾼ?


	43. Together: Day 366:Mar 2019, Mrs&Mr Divit

**Can Divit**

We've been partying and celebrating our **wedding** into the wee hours of the night. After all, I believe one falls in love and gets married _**once**_ in this lifetime! Sanem is still wearing that ethereal pastel pink wedding gown and looking like she owns the world, she certainly does own me, heart, mind & soul!

A slow and romantic tune starts to play... I'm holding her as closely as I can to myself...and feeling every inch of her sensual and sexy body.

"**Let's get out of here...**" I propose and I'm almost breathless with anticipation and excitement for what is to follow. I'm glad that we decided to party in my house, our house now...and it's a short trip to **nirvana **with her!

We are one of the last ones of the party still standing... and slip out unnoticed. As we reach the threshold of the house, I pull her to me and start to kiss her. Without breaking the kiss, I cradle & carry her into the house. We're both breathless when we reach the bedroom... which is now decorated with candles everywhere, flowers adorn the bed and looks amazing like an enchanted and magical meadow!

She's taking in the view with me & the weight of the moment dawns upon her and she's _uncharacteristically_ silent. There's _Rosé _champagne waiting for us...and I fill our flutes to make a toast. "**To my beautiful bride...my lovely wife**", she blushes, takes a sip and curls into me.

I'm overwhelmed by all that I want to do to her, with her..._for_ her! But I can see that she's exhausted and spent for the day. More than anything else in the world, in this moment, I _desperately_ want the first time we make love to be life affirming, mind blowing for her and a sensual experience that we'll relive & recreate over and over again for the rest of our lives!

I offer my usual "**Let's sleep together**"... and she looks at me dove-eyed trying to understand my meaning. So I continue: "We are both exhilarated and exhausted"..."I think we need to sleep". The fact that she doesn't retort tells me I'm right. So I twirl her around and undo the zipper on her gown and it pools at her feet. She looks sensational in her underwear... lace and satin to match the wedding gown... and I almost change my mind about letting her sleep!

I lift her from the pooled gown and lay her down on the bed... and she's looking at me expectantly. Before I could say the words, she reaches for me and starts to kiss me. I think she's saying thanks for giving her reprieve. When she releases me, I tuck her in and shower her with good night kisses.

"Join me" she says... and I tell her in a minute. It takes a minute to take off the layers of the suit, socks, belt, jewelry...and I go hunting for my tank top and pajamas. When I return, I see that she's fast asleep, almost comatose. I turn off the lights and she's illuminated by the many candles in the room. She looks so serene and sensational... and I'm so glad that I saved our experience for when she's ready!

I lay down besides her...and carefully position myself around her like a vine, taking in her fragrance and warmth. It'll be her first time making love... mine too, in fact, hers will be with me and I can't help my face splitting smile... and I try to calm my pounding heart and growing enthusiasm!

Early morning sunlight is trickling in through the windows...and I blink and wakeup suddenly. I'm nose to nose with a fully awake Sanem...who seems to be stroking my hair and my face. Wow... **I could get used to this**...but wait, this is my life, now, tomorrow, always & forever!

"Good Morning" she says... and doesn't give me a moment to respond. Her lips are on me... and there's an urgency about her...like she can't wait anymore! I respond in kind...and we're both lost in each others taste, touch, emotions & overwhelming need for each other. As the sunlight grows in intensity... so does our lovemaking and we reaffirm our love for each other, loudly, freely & passionately!

I'm euphoric, floating and having an out of body experience, feeling pure and reborn... she's a blitz on all five senses and seemed to awaken my sixth sense in the process...many times over!

**Sanem Soysal-Divit**

I'm waking up as the early morning light trickles into the room. Can's fast asleep next to me... and yet again he takes my breath & sense away! He's so hot & handsome...hugging me close and I can feel his breathing and umm... other things!

He's all _**mine**_...I tell myself, I need that reassurance that this gorgeous man besides me... this day, tomorrow and forever, is for me! Almost like he heard my inner most thoughts of doubt, he frowns & hugs me even closer in his sleep!

**That's it.**... I can't wait a minute longer to have him, possess him, be his & be connected to him soul, mind & body!

**Mrs & Mr Divit**

Can: Iyi misin Sanem? (**How are you?**) He asks, despite being dazed, in a frenzy and incandescent from their first time making love.

Sanem: Iyiyim (**I'm well**) She says, shyly.

Can: Gerçekten sevmek? (**Really love?**)

Sanem: Evet (**Yes**) She says...with a blooming smile on her face and stretching her body to kiss him.

They lay there, in each others arms, ... waiting for calm.

Sanem: Hmmmm...Baya iyi, baya iyi! (**That was so great!**)

_Suddenly_ her expression becomes playful & bashful...

Sanem: So you've experienced that _**before**_...right?! Was it great for you?

Can: ... He's silent searching for words to describe his state of **existence**!

Sanem: Yaani (**Because**) For me... its the best moment of my life, I love you... and I hope you enjoyed it too!

Can: **Love**, my one & only...I've not experienced anything like this before in my life, only with you! I'm...I'm..._**addicted**_ to you, for life!

Sanem: ... smiles even broader now and waits for more.

Can: ... starts to kiss her while repeating the words loudly in his head "_**my beloved**_" desperate for her to hear him!

Sanem: ... in-between kisses : "Let's do that again...and again, _**NOW**_. _Can_ you?"

**Can Divit**

The next few days are a blur... there's been a few sunrises and sunsets. We're in our own bubble...our little world, weaving a cocoon that'll be with us for the rest of our lives!

I made note of every one of her _**possessive**_ moments from the past... and recreated them as a way of rewriting our love story!

We've made love... on the kitchen counter, pool deck, in the pool, the garden, the sofa, the door, the shower, on the table, in my favorite chair... everywhere she's been in my home and more!

**I'm hers, only hers... always & forever! **

**Authors Note:** I desisted writing a R-rated version of this story as I felt CanEm's story can be told with endearing affection and encapsulated in love.

Since the story has not caught up to this version, I've borrowed from Maya & Jude Devir's artwork about life & love. Other photos from and stock images.

Hope you enjoy it! Please provide comments and feedback. Thx!


	44. Scar-Kissed : March 2019, Can & Sanem

Seven days in heaven is what we've had since our wedding and we are both delaying going back to reality! We've postponed our honeymoon to Galapagos by a few weeks to ensure that we are there for the Albatross mating and nesting season in the summer... how apropos! I'd want Sanem to get the complete experience of seeing Albatross' for the first time... and we will even go searching for Wisdom and her mate Akeakamai!

It's early morning, we're awake and lounging in bed unwilling to break the bliss... covered only in the sheets. We are nose to nose and she's playing with my hair... and me with hers. She's running her finger nails through my scalp... and I can sense blood rushing to my head... it's one of the most soothing yet arousing things she does to me... actually everything is! I don't want her to stop... but I also can't wait to do things to her, with her, for her!

She's tracing the muscles and ridges on my body and focusing on the scars... stopping to ask me about each one!

Turns out, like battle scars, I have travel scars! I start with Peru on my upper right chest... and she listens intently. At the end of it, she asks me if it still pains. I tell her a little bit and she kisses the scar... and looks at me expectantly. "The pain is gone, I only feel your kiss" I tell her.

She moves onto the next scar from the Baltic Sea and I'm in the game. I tell her it pains a lot and she caresses, licks and kisses the scar. Then onto the toughest one from Sri Lanka... and we have to possess and be possessed at the end of it... or beginning of it!

..  
..

She points out scars from her burns, falls and klutziness and all I see is her flawless body, perfect and primed, just for me... and we begin all over again!

..  
..

Suddenly she smiles and gets a bit _bashful_... and states that it _maybe_ my first time seeing her naked (some 7 days ago) but not hers... and _pauses_ for effect!

Wait a minute... She's seen me naked before this? Where? How? When?

She says we don't talk about it as it's painful... but nevertheless tells me. It was the time she broke into my house to steal the file... she was in the bathroom before, during and after my shower!

I'm stunned and speechless and she continues... "Mixed with the fear of being caught, I was so hot and sweaty... and **wanted** you for **myself** from that moment!" Wow... I had _**no**_ idea!

..  
..

I'm really naked, exposed - body, mind, heart and soul... for the first time with a woman, my love and life, my beloved wife! Life is cok harika (very wonderful)!

**Author's Note**: A short piece about Can Divit's _battle_, read **travel**, scars. Now he's starting to really heal the invisible scars.

Hope you enjoyed it! Please vote, provide comments & feedback!


	45. Part 1 – Bliss Interrupted: May 2019

**Author's Note: **Mild-R rated. Story is told in 4 Parts. This is Part 1 of 4.

Sanem & I have had the most perfect 2 months together as a married couple! We had a fabulous honeymoon in the Galapagos and she got to meet Wisdom and Akeakamai!

..

We've spent every moment of the last few days together... and my addiction to my love, my one and only, my wife Sanem only grows exponentially by every second! Her essence is as potent as ever, making it near impossible for me to function without her, even more than the first day we met, only now I have unfettered access to her!

Our days are spent at the agency, in our shared office, and both our creative spirits have been heightened owing to the proximity! Our mornings and evenings are spent in each others company, usually cooking together and then making no-holds-barred mad-crazy-passionate love!

She looks sensational in and out of clothes, her skin is silky soft and her hair is like a velvet blanket, she smells heavenly and tastes so so so endearingly sweet like warm melted chocolate! She makes the most arousing moans, groans and slays me with her "_**mmmm**_" ... she's the delicacy on most occasions and a complete visual and carnal treat for me!

She's everywhere in my psyche, space, mind, heart, spirit and soul! I am incandescently happy and it makes me wonder how I got this lucky!

We're celebrating our 2 month wedding anniversary today and I have a special evening planned for us. I'm making her favorite Pasta Carbonara and chocolate molten cake, I open an Italian Merlot from Umbria and set the table for us in the backyard!

It's a miracle that I allow her to finish dinner considering all the riotous reactions I'm having per usual! Does this attraction... ever wane? I hope not... I don't want it to, ever!

..

..

A loud and urgent knock on the front door startles us both. I ask her to stay put and check who it is and find 2 policeman at the door. They confirm that I'm Can and whether Sanem Soysal (her maiden name?) is home. I confirm that she is... and now it's Sanem Divit. They ask to come in and I refuse them entry. Sanem hears the commotion and joins me... sensing a tension... she asks what's going on. The police explains that fraud charges have been brought against **her** and that they'd like to take her in for questioning and further investigation.

My world stand comes to stand still, I'm ready to burst with anger and ready to confront them, physically. She blocks me and gives me her "please be _**calm**_" look... and turns to them to inquire further. Turns out, that cucumber fucker Fabri is the one leveling the charges.

She implores me not to make a scene, says that she needs me to level-headed, strategic and calm now so I can help her. She asks the policemen if I can drive her to the station and they can follow us. They agree, she gets her bag and our coats and car keys. I actually listen to her words despite all the helplessness, anger and abject fear I feel in that moment!

..

We're driving to the station in shock and in complete silence ... both of us contemplating how to protect each other from harm!

I take out my phone and call the one person in the world that I know can help me and her get out of this cluster... whatever this is and however bad! Metin answers on the third ring.

C: Merhaba Metin... how are you?

... I say hesitantly...

M: It's about time you called me, dumbass lionheart... about time!

C: Ah Metin Ah!

M: Tell me you didn't pocket dial me... and we're even!

... the words come in a flurry... I have no pride left in me, Sanem is in trouble!

C: I'm so sorry for what happened between us... I'll make it up to you! But I don't have time to explain today... I'm in trouble and need you urgently!

... I can almost hear him get serious ...

M: What's wrong Can? How can I help?

... the relief I hear at his words is immense... I've been such an ass to him!

I explain the situation to him, ask him to meet us at the station and give him the details. Metin makes it to the station in 20 minutes and we're in interrogation for about 2 hours, and it's late!

..

..

The gist of the matter is this : Fabri was able to reproduce the perfume in the lab but apparently once it's bottled, it loses fidelity! So he's claiming that Sanem has breached her contract by not giving him the full details and has thereby defrauded him!

I am livid with anger and unable to contain myself. She's stunned and shocked too... and doesn't let go of my hand... it's the only tether that is helping me keep it together!

The police are considering charging her and keeping her on hold for the night. Metin elaborates that Fabri has been harassing her from the start and, in fact, it is her that was blackmailed and coerced to handover her signature perfume! He's reasoning with them that it's not a criminal matter, that she's a respectable woman and wife and should be released to her lawyer or on her own recognizance. But to no avail... the police seemed determined to keep her!

I do the **only **thing I know I can do to **protect **her!

I confess that it was me that sabotaged her work because I don't want her to work with Fabri, me being jealous of his attentions to her, and in general, I'd like her to work only with me and within my agency!

Everyone including Metin & Sanem are shocked by my outburst... and she starts to cry! She's getting ready to protest my version and I give her a pointed "**Give it up**,_**don't do it**_, I _**can't **_handle it!" look... and even though she's terribly torn about it, she remains quiet!

Preposterous as it sounds... the police believe me! There's much to be said of a Turkish man's jealousy and wanting to keep his woman to himself... and I'm guessing they all could relate to my situation! I also think their hands were tied a bit and they had to make the complaint actionable... to them it was also an exit to have "someone" booked for the night!

Metin and I exchange a few words, he understands me and I tell him my goal is to get Sanem home. I ask him to take her to her parents' place... I don't want her to be alone tonight! We can deal with the rest of it all in the morning!

Sanem is so devastated, I've seen her like that only once before... when I was breaking up with her! I tell her she has to trust me and Metin... and that I can't have her in jail... that will never do! I've been in jail before and that is not something that I'll ever have her experience, non-negotiable, period!

She leaves with Metin and I'm left to contemplate the future!

**To be Continued... **

Please vote, comment and feedback, I really appreciate your time & support!

xoxo, DR

**PS: **Yes, I know her name is "**Aydin**"! It's FanFic... please just trust me, will ya?!

Someone timeless said : "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet!"


	46. Part 2 – Jail Bird : May 2019

**Author's Note: **This Story is told in 4 Parts. This is **Part 2 of 4**.

**Please **read Part 1 "Bliss Interrupted" before reading this part.

I've been awake the whole night... and reliving the moments of our life together! It's a bit surreal and déjà vu, being in jail, yet again, and I'm pretty sure my girl is trying to save me from it all!

..

Wow, Fabri is mad as hell that the perfume didn't work! Now I wonder what happened? Her perfume is amazing... that's why he's been after it, so why didn't it work? Was it sabotaged? Was it the wrong formula? Is she really in trouble for signing a contract and giving him the wrong details? As much as I'd hate for him to have that perfume, I'd hate it even more if Sanem is held responsible! There's nothing worth in the world more than her safety, health, happiness and us being together!

..

Night creeps along and morning comes later than expected and I'm waiting for visits from Metin, Sanem, family and friends.

..

A few hours have gone by and I'm still waiting but no news or visits... from anyone! I know inherently that something is wrong but I also have faith in my family and my **love**... I'm sure she and others have good reason to not be here!

..

There's a lot of activity in the holding area... but none of it is my family and friends and I've skipped two meals already, breakfast & lunch! I am really low on mental energy... and it dawns on me that I may be stuck here longer than I planned or expected. But hey, better me than her, I suppose!

As time drags on, I contemplate all the possibilities of how this can go wrong... more than it already has at the moment! What if my confession stands? I did blurt out with counsel present that I did it... so what is the punishment like? How long will I be gone? How will we survive, and me specifically, without her? Are we always fated to be at odds with time? I rue the day that I met Fabri... and then every other time he successfully baited me into his vicious net of lies and deceit!

..

I can't even imagine, remotely in the vicinity, the possibility of Sanem being in jail or confined! It'll crush her soul and break her... and my sweet, innocent, angelic girl will never be the same again! And what will I do if that happens? I'll set the world on fire before that'll ever happen, no matter the consequences... I'll protect her from all things natural and unnatural! Yet again, I realize that I was born for this... to be her protector and guardian angel, ditto what she is to my spirit and soul!

..

Around late afternoon, Metin comes in to see me, he's beaming... so I know it's good news! He gives me a can of Red Bull and asks me to drink up... hmmm... how does he know?! He tells me it'll be a few minutes before I'll be released, he waits with me until the paperwork is complete and asks me not to worry! I ask him where Sanem is, what is happening and he starts to give me details.

..

Sanem went home, of course, but didn't get a wink of sleep. Similar to when she rescued me when I was accused of plagiarism, she had collected all of our trusted troops : Ayhan, Ceycey, Osman, Leyla, Metin and his investigators at home. Everyone then spent a night and day going over all of the details of the case; the investigators were able to find new evidence that would break the case. My brilliant wife figured out a way to turn and reverse the charges on Fabri!

Metin asked me if I remembered when someone had broken into her parents' home and scared Mevkibe Hanim. Of course, it was on our magical date night at the mountain hut... when we were interrupted by Emre because her family was looking for her.

Apparently that was not a random incident. When caught for different theft, a thief has been trying to get a deal with the police saying that he could offer a bigger crime for a lighter sentence. Metin found him; the thief told him that an Italian businessman had paid him 50k liras to steal from a house in the mahalle. Specifically, he wanted him to steal from the perfume cabinet in one of the rooms and had given him details of who will be in the house, when to go, and most importantly, drawn him a floor plan in his own hands! In short, the robbery was unsuccessful as he was interrupted during the crime and that's why Fabri had to pursue other methods to get her perfume!

..

Metin, Sanem and everyone had successfully turned the case on Fabri. There was also the photographic evidence that she left abruptly on her birthday owing to the dress incident, and with testimonies of colleagues, his harassment of Sanem was fully corroborated. Apart from that, Aylin was somehow caught in the middle of it, for corporate espionage, and her being Fabri's partner added more gravitas to the reverse charges.

Now Metin was helping file charges against Fabri for attempting to steal a secret recipe and corporate espionage with Aylin. To make matters even better, Aylin turned state's witness and gave up the whole story on Fabri and his machinations!

WOW... a lot has happened over the last few hours! I see Sanem's signature all over it and her determination to rescue me! My heart, mind, spirit and soul glows with such pride and joy... knowing that she's all mine and mine only!

..

I've been released from jail with an apology from the police commissioner himself who came to speak to me. Metin came through for me... big time, I'll make it up to him as I owe him for the rest of my life!

..

My singular purpose is to get home to her... and I'm a bit surprised she didn't come to get me! Metin tells me she was finishing up stuff at home, taking care of our friends and family as they've all had a long few hours... and even though she desperately wanted to, she felt responsible to send them off properly! My girl, she knows what's best for everyone!

..

Metin drops me off at the door, we hug each other, and I thank him profusely for his help. He slaps my back, hard, and says, I can make it up to him with scotch and a home-cooked meal! Deal, done, name the date I tell him!

..

I walk into a very quiet house. She didn't open the door for me either... and the front door is unlocked!

"Sanem" I call out to her... eager to hold her and to be held by her! No answer. "SANEM..." I call out even louder and still no response. I make a full pass of our home and she's nowhere to be found! I call her phone and I hear it ringing inside the house. I follow the ringtones to the kitchen. My heart is racing at double speed now... and I get that instinctive feeling that something is terribly and horribly wrong!

I see a handwritten note on the island and a map with an x-marked spot!

"You know who I am... I have her, come alone or she's dead" !

That fucker Fabri, I'm going to kill him!

**To be Continued... **

Please follow, vote, comment and feedback, I really appreciate your time & support!

xoxo, DR

PS: Named it "Jail Bird**" **for **Albatross!**


	47. Part 3 – Ransomed Heart : May 2019

**Author's Note: **This Story is told in 4 Parts. This is **Part 3 of 4**.

Please read Part 1: Bliss Interrupted & Part 2 : Jail Bird before reading this part.

The map location is the same spot as our "Compass Sport" treasure hunt... and I remember that awful day when she fell into the hunter's pit!

..

I know I can't call the police... but I need backup. I fight every _questionable_ instinct I have to go alone... and call Osman. Osman's a butcher, he knows his way around a knife and won't get queasy with blood. He's also a good friend, her best bud and both of us trust him, implicitly. If it ever becomes a prisoner swap, oh fat chance she'll go, but I can and will force her to leave me!

I have no pride left in asking for help when Sanem is concerned. If that fucker Fabri has help, I'll be outnumbered and I need to be really really smart about how I handle it! I get to the utility room and find dad's shot gun and some bullets. I'm half-tempted to take the bow and arrow instead so I can make it a slow death for Fabri!

..

Osman is about 100 feet behind me... and we start walking into the woods, it's twilight and the sun is starting to set. Today, now, forever, I need to use all of my skills to track her and I can't stop until she's safely in my arms! "Keep courage, she needs you" ... a loud voice keeps repeating inside my head and I listen to it!

..

I reach a clearing with a broken down shed and I _know_ that's where she is... I can feel her presence in the way her spirit connects with mine!

I call out "Fabri, FABRI... I'm here".

I get closer and look inside; she's lying on the dirty floor, curled in a corner... oh no...is she okay? I can't tell! I abandon all caution and reason and run to her... "Sanem, Sanem, I'm here... are you okay? Please wake up... can you hear me?"

I take her in my arms and she's limp... there's blood on her forehead, shirt and skirt, and she's bruised, cut and bleeding from her hands and feet from being tied!

** .LOVE! **

I desperately try to revive her... and get my Swiss knife out to cut her ties. I had barely got the knife out when a movement catches my eye! Fabri is moving towards me with an iron rod in his hand and my basal instinct is to save her... so I wrap myself around her, in full defense, and wait for the blows!

The next thing I hear is a huge thud and Fabri has been knocked-out with one single whack... that's Osman using the oft unused part of the shotgun, really really well! Bravo dear Friend!

..

Suddenly there's blue lights and sirens everywhere around us! It's the police and an ambulance... what, how, why nothing matters to me now, only that my girl is still unresponsive! We are surrounded by professionals and things move in high speed. Initial assessment is that her pulse is low, she is breathing feebly and has lost some blood, she's loaded onto the ambulance and rushed to the ER.

I hold her in my arms the whole time, stroke her hair, caress her face, nose to nose, kiss her and repeat "I'm here, you're safe, **come back to me love**!" over and over and over and over and over again!

..

She's being treated for multiple gashes, cuts and bruises and has a severe injury to her torso. I die hearing the doctors words... "from being kicked repeatedly and severely"! I can't reconcile those words and relate them to my beloved Sanem, my love... my wife! The doctor assures me that she'll be fine but we need to follow up with her gynecologist... _what_?! He tells me I can see her but she's very groggy owing to the pain medicine.

I walk into the room and see my love lying there like a battered ragged doll and I can't bare it! The tears that have been held back start to flow... I'm relieved that's she's safe but she's been hurt and harmed so much and there's nothing I could do about it! I rush to her side... and take her free hand in mine and kiss her gently.

She opens her eyes, sees me and gives me one of her angelic smiles : "_**Caan**_.. " she says my name in a way that makes my already feeble and fragile heart hurt and melt ever more!

** .LOVE! **

"I'm here love... " I say and she motions me to come closer and as I lean in, she gives me her "kiss me, _**NOW**_" look... and I'm pulled from the precipice of a bottomless pit! I kiss her softly on the lips and she is very insistent! I deepen the kiss and she opens herself to me... and I'm lost in her, relieved to have her back and to have the privilege of being kissed by her! I'll be whatever she wants me to be now and forever, and she breaks the kiss with... "Were you afraid I'll get drunk and kiss you again?"

Before I respond to her... she sighs heavily and falls asleep instantly!

Everyone we know and love are waiting to see her at the hospital. My in-laws, Osman, Ayhan, Ceycey, Metin, Akif and all of the colleagues from work! She's still sleeping off the pain meds and I get a chance to find out what happened from Metin.

..

Along with the police, Metin was tracking Fabri's phone so they could bring him in for questioning. Osman called Metin to inform him that Sanem had been kidnapped, one degree of separation, backup for the backup. So everyone collided on the spot at the same time! Now Fabri is going to jail, presumably for life, for kidnapping and attempted murder!

..

None of that matters to me now, only my girl, her health, her psyche and how she's going to recover from the trauma of being kidnapped and hurt!

..

I'm waiting for her to wake up again and closely examine her... and seeing her bruised and battered breaks my heart again and again! I've never felt more unmanned or helpless than when I see her lying there... and I feel tremendous life-altering guilt that I couldn't prevent it from happening to her!

"I'm sorry Sanem, I failed you" I tell her and she opens her eyes, wide and fully alert!

..

I hold her like our lives depend on it... it actually does, and I tell her I love her more than anything in the world, I'm here for her now and that she's safe! She looks at me quizzically and tells me "I've **come back to you**... were you afraid I wouldn't?" Oh wait a minute... she heard me? She says "Yes, I heard you... **very clearly**, I felt safe and that's why I went to sleep!"  
..

She's home after a week at the hospital and I've not let her out of my sight, not for a single second! Ditto for her parents... and they're doting on me and her, _equally_! Mevkibe Hanim has been making breakfast, lunch and dinner for us. Nihat Bey sleeps over in the guest room: "**to protect **_**both**_ **of you when the thunder roars**", he says! I'm so touched by the love, affection and care they're bestowing upon her _and _me!

The brute savage that was me had been able to shake off traumas and feed off their energy to survive and thrive! I'm less of that savage now... and our family recognizes that we've _**both **_been through a terrible ordeal, emotionally, physically and psychologically!

..

The one dark cloud hanging over us is the visit to the gynecologist. I tell her a week later about it and she's afraid and almost inconsolable, all over again! I reassure her that there's no reason to worry... she's beautiful, brave and tenacious and everything **will** be alright! I know my girl observes micro-expressions with her eidetic mind... and the fact that she believes me tells me I believed it wholeheartedly myself!

..

The gynecologist doesn't have anything alarming to tell us... but since her internal organs have been through a trauma, it's better to let her heal before attempting to have children! I have a private moment with the doctor, while she's caring and noncommittal like they usually are, she concedes that time will tell and to watch for certain symptoms of continued injury and trauma!

..

There's a topic I've never broached with her, as we both assumed and never thought of it as an area of discussion. Strange but true... i.e. having children, _plural_!

As I make dinner for her, I ask her how many kids she'd like to have... and she pauses for a moment! "How many do you want?" She asks me and puts me on the spot! I tell her I'm game if she's game and as long as she's happy and healthy, I'll do anything and everything for her! She's tearing up with joy... and tells me, "I'll take 4... I want a large family!" I smile in acquiescence but I have to tell her something very critical... so when I pause, she gets alarmed. I reassure her it's not that... but that I'd like to wait a few years. "**Sonra**... " I tell her!

The simple truth is that she's been hurt and I can't take a chance that something worse can happen to her body or her heart! So, **offense **as the best form of _**defense**_, I tell her I'm not ready, not even close, to consider having children! Fact is, I'm her protector, her body is mine and mine only... and it's my destiny to hold her in my arms every time she needs me to ... either voluntarily or involuntarily!

I tell her let's take a few years to travel together, go around the world, share each other, plan things together and pursue her goals, our goals, and make all our dreams come true! She gives me her angelic smile and curls into my arms! All is well with the world as long as she stays right there, with me, forever!

**To be Continued...**

Hope you enjoyed it... Please vote, comment and feedback, I really appreciate your time & support!  
xoxo, DR

**Author's Note:** Can is a hero but he's not a superhero. Part of his growing up is learning to trust people and identifying his weaknesses. Osman is the perfect foil as he's trustworthy and their friend. I tried writing this as Can-do-it-all and it was very contrived! So that's that! Hope you liked it.. there's more to come!

**PS**: Fabri can't die, for his crime, lifelong jail is the fitting punishment!

To have his love, be the center of his universe and to be _his..._ body, heart, mind & soul... this one is dedicated to my DH!


	48. Part 4 – The Essence of Her: May 2019

**Author's Note: **This Story is told in 4 Parts. This is **Part 4 of 4**.

Please read Part 1: Bliss Interrupted, Part 2: Jail Bird & Part 3: Ransomed Heart before reading this part.

Within days, in her own words of "**evil does not affect her**"... she's back to being her beautiful and bashful self!

..

I tell her when she's ready to talk, I'd like to hear about what happened to her that day! To me, the fact that she was kidnapped from our _home_, is unfathomable... yet I have to face the horrible reality that it, in fact, happened! I'm afraid that Sanem may have post traumatic stress and it may be triggered by spots in the house!

...

My girl has not asked me for anything, only my body, mind, spirit and soul... which I've willingly, irrevocably and happily given away to her! We are living in my dad's place and it's been a good house... but in retrospect, it is maybe not a great home! Yes, we've had some spectacular moments and experiences but equally awful ones in the past and present!

So, it's time to man up and make the first big decision of our life together : buying our home! I tell her the idea at breakfast, and the fact that she doesn't reject it, tells me I'm on the right track! We both consider the possibility of moving into our mountain hut. It's a great getaway spot... but I know that it's too remote for her. We need to be around friends and family, basking in mutual love and care!

I've lived like a nomad and a traveler for so so so long... and for the first time in my life, I want to put down roots, grow a fruitful tree, have a metaphorical and actual table under it for the gathering of family, friends... and children! When we fly... we fly together like the Albatross', hand in hand, and she _**is**_ my mountain, desert, ocean and universe!

..

Off we go house hunting! She likes homes with character and sentimental values, and naturally we go shopping for historic homes that have a story. Her lovely romanticism manifests itself in how she enters a place and tries to sense its energy... and mine in sensing hers! When she asks me what I like, I tell her home is where she is... the rest is all immaterial details to me!

..

We've been looking for a while, knowing we have very discernible tastes, and still can't find a place to call our own! Inspiration hits me when we are visiting Anne-Hanim and Baba-Bey... that's what I call them now, and that's what they are to me!

..

I take her on a ride around Istanbul, we stop and reflect at street corners, hilltops, and spots with gorgeous views of the city... and I ask her what's missing. She can't quite articulate, even for her eidetic mind, or maybe she doesn't want to impose upon me, that's it!

I drive her back to the mahalle and tell her _**this **_place has everything I need, want, care, covet and cherish in life... it's the best of _all_ worlds, home in the mahalle, work in the city and a getaway to our mountain hut! Wordless, her answering smile is glowing and so angelic that it stuns me and my heart skips a few beats!

...

Within a few hours, we find a gorgeous yet dilapidated property in the Ottoman-Turk chalet style. I can sense that she's in love with it as soon as she enters it... me too, this time... love at first sight!

The house is cozy yet large enough... for a family of _6_, extended family and a few guests, if needed. While it has gardens around the perimeter, the heart of the house is a grand open courtyard and the possibilities are endless! She looks at me expectantly and uffff... for that look, I'll procure anything for her even from the ends of the world!

Our home is getting ready and I get the extraordinary pleasure of fixing it up myself! It's great that every nook and corner needs an update, and while keeping the character alive, I get to modernize it for us. She wonders if I'd miss having a pool and I tell her we can build one if needed, we have the land and space for it.

Per her specs, I build her a state of the art kitchen, and per mine, an automated fire-suppressant system! We have dedicated atelier spaces right next to each other, mine for photography and hers for making perfumes. I create a writing nook for her in our bedroom as I can't have her far away from me! We agree on an impressive ivory and moon colored paint for the outdoors... and our home is a truly a reflection of her heart, mind and soul!

She's decorated our home fabulously... it's pure, sunny, cute and refreshing, just like her! I know her mind catalogs and stores everything, so I'm deliberate in recommending things for her... in the hopes that they stir her soul! I tell her we'll shop for unique furniture and collectibles during our travels to tie it all in together to our life!

...

The housewarming party is actually that : bringing warmth into our home and we are both so perfectly situated and incandescently happy! As a welcome home gift, I give her the photograph of hers, and she's stunned silent! It's the one I secretly took of an angelic girl, in her flower tiara, just standing there innocent and pure, to become mine and to claim me as hers! Tears form in her eyes, happy ones I think, and she curls into me like she always does, slaying and reviving me with her essence!

...  
...

After the drama with Fabri, his business partners wanted a clean break from all his former dealings. So they released Sanem from her contract and we got back the rights to _my_ perfume! I want her to be gloriously successful in everything she does in life... and even though we're relieved, her more than me, that the perfume failed at their hands, we still needed an hypotheses on why it was the case!

Sanem creates her creams and perfumes mainly for her personal use... and one _**special**_ just for me! She picks the flowers and herbs herself, by hand, and lets them air dry over a period of time. She then uses a mortar and pestle, in her room, with other ingredients to make her products.

The cutest artisan bottle she gifts them in don't last too long and is consumed very quickly. As someone addicted to and consumed by her perfume, I can attest to that fact, emphatically! Her perfume is unfiltered, been in room temperature, completely handmade and homemade, and as they say, awesome things come in _very_ **small** **packages**!

Mass production of a perfume requires different tricks and techniques. The raw materials being the flowers and herbs are instantly machine dried. Like there is a difference between a 10 and 20 year old Scotch, the timing of when they're picked, dried, how long and in what conditions also impacts the outcome of the fragrance. Chances are the lab is temperature controlled, a clinical and clean environment, more chemicals get added so that its sustainable and doesn't evaporate!

All this simply means that the original raw ingredients and formula has been _cannibalized_ so much that it loses fidelity and doesn't smell the same as hers! It's a matter of basic chemistry, and if I may add, her biology!

..

I believe that there's another cosmic reason as to why it works spectacularly only with her! She created this fragrance with so much love and devotion, that she mixed a bit of her essence and soul in it... and her soul belongs only to me! It is my intimate privilege and a pleasure to enjoy _**her**_ as the bottled-up essence, that it had to be only mine, all mine, and forever! That essence is an unforgettable trophy and memento of the moment we met, fell in love, became each others' and every karma and dharma in the universe destined it to be so, just for me and us, forever!

I hope you enjoyed reading the 4 part series. I did thorough research on the perfume bit... so it's all really true!  
Please follow, vote, comment and feedback, I really appreciate your time & support!  
xoxo, DR


	49. Tarzan and Lady Jane : July 2019

Since the day I met her, Sanem has been an accident magnet and a natural born klutz! I jarringly remember the time she jumped over the fence, crashed into the glass wall, the numerous slips and falls... but I'm glad about the countless times that she's bumped into my arms, ready for me to catch her!

Then came the serious dangers like being shoved in an altercation, hitting her head and passing out, almost slipping off a cliff, falling into a hunters pit, not to mention the near misses with vehicles and that _**one**_ incident which we'd both like to forget!

I see us as **the **_**perfect**_ Yin & Yang ... complementary and inseparable, moving in tandem like magnets and bonded for life! Hey, I'm just stating the obvious... I love that it's **my duty** to take care of her... I was born for _**that**_ job!

..

As wilderness bathing is in my DNA, as soon we were able to, I take her hiking, kayaking, fishing and camping. For the most part, the sojourns have been incident free with minor slips, scratches, bites and cuts. If my gear had basic first-aid before, now its on steroids, I've upgraded my backpack from 30l to 80l overnight! I don't want her to carry anything, just herself... and well, all that gym time is now serving a very **real** and _invaluable_ purpose!

I'm always attuned to her but being in the wild has made it additionally _distinctive_ for me! I'm the **hunter-gatherer-savage**, her **one** true protector against the perils of the world; in the truest sense I reciprocate saving her body as she does preserving my soul!

Being together in the wilderness, just the two of us, has been simply _**divine**_! I pace our activity so that she has energy at the end of the day to write her romance novel, for us to cook and eat, relax and talk, stargaze, kiss and make-out... oh well, we do that _**all**_ the time! Our evenings together are the most memorable... huddled together in our sleeping bags, hugging each other for warmth, her essence overpowering me... and we're making love under the stars!

Minus the _adorable_ klutziness, my girl loves the wild... she just didn't have the chance to explore (thank God!) before I came along! But hey, I get to be _more _of her firsts... I'm one lucky bastard!

After a few trips together, I feel ready to up the ante and plan a serious trip with her. The plan is set and I can't be more excited for the trip!

...

Being her first time in Italy, we explore Rome and I take her to all my favorite spots, the Colosseum, Trevi fountain and the Spanish steps. Then we have dinner at the most romantic restaurant in a 1000 year old building, Osteria St. Ana at the Piazza del Popolo. I've been trying to impress her with my Italian _skills_ in more ways than one... cooking, language and making love to my "**Cuore e Amore **_**Mio**_"!

..

The next day we take the train to Monza; I've hiked, climbed and torn down San Martino a few times. It's my _zen_ mountain, and I know every part of it like the back of my hand, it's the perfect place to take her! My girl is now almost an expert at setting up camping equipment, knows basic survival for minor accidents and most importantly how to communicate and ask for help when in danger!

..

We get to Lecco and it had rained for a few days before. The hike came with a warning that the paths require attention and "steady feet". We have sturdy hiking poles and I'm feeling confident that we can handle it as the path is familiar to me and there's a sizable number of hikers on the trail.

..

The plan is visit the Cross and Chapel on the mountain, to camp overnight at the village of Rifugio Piazza at the top of the mountain and then climb down the next day.

We're enjoying the first few hours of the hike and every spot is of extreme interest to Sanem. I knew she'd love it here... same as me and I'm so glad to share this experience with her! We've been to the highest spot of the mountain i.e. the San Martino Cross and are on our way to the village for the night!

..

I'm chatting with her as she walks ahead of me... and we hear a sudden rumbling. The hair on my neck stands on an end, ominous and instinctive, that something bad is about to happen! Before I can even say a word or warn Sanem, we're torrented by water, mud and rocks... a landslide...oh no! As I reach for her, the ground gives away and I'm being pummeled down the mountain!

..

..

As I come into consciousness, there's a gnawing, throbbing pain in my jaw. I open my eyes, they're very blurry and I have soil and debris on my face, nose and eyes. I also realize that it's night time... I'm blinded by some bright lights. My heart stops...!

I yell "Sanem... SANEM, where are you?"

Warm hands and a body embraces me from behind and she says "I'm here... I'm right here... Love, I'm okay, I'm right here!".

The relief I feel at hearing her voice brings me back from the precipice of a bottomless abyss... she's alright, she's here and **she's **_**with**_ **me**!

..

As I become more aware, I notice that we're surrounded by people, a rescue crew and what appears to be a few fellow hikers. Apart from the debris in my eyes and what I've inhaled, there's a severe pain in my jaw and I'm unable to move my feet. Worry and terror etched on her face, Sanem tells me I slipped and was dragged about 50 feet down into a ravine! She's sitting on a mound of dirt right next to me... and hugging me tight & close! Hmm...how'd she get to **me**?!

..

It's a few minutes before I get pulled out of the dirt, carried in a stretcher to the nearby road and get rushed to the ER for treatment. I have a huge gash on my cheek, cuts, bruises and just a sprained ankle! They decide to keep me overnight in the hospital to watch for concussions.

..

She's curled into me on the hospital bed, her clothes look disheveled, she looks like she's been through an ordeal, same as me! I lift her face to mine and kiss her on the forehead... and she expectantly looks at my lips, like she always does, waiting for me to kiss her! I can't resist her when she has that "kiss me... NOW!" look on her face... and I go for it! She kisses me back with equal fervor... and I taste her desperation, fear and relief! Oh no... sweetheart what happened, says a loud voice inside my head and she answers my _unasked_ question!

S: You were being washed away from me... and you were calling out 'Sanem Sanem' the whole time! ... I didn't know what to do... I was _**so**_ scared!

... she starts to bawl her eyes out...

C: Sweetheart... I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm here... nothing happened to me! I love you... I'm here, I'm safe...you were my talisman!

...kisses...

I stroke her hair and face, reassuring her and she calms down a bit.

C: But... how'd you get to me? I don't understand!

...

She proceeds to explain the events that happened when I was unconscious. She saw me fall, in utmost panic, but couldn't see me down the ravine. But she decided to get help first. She ran after the hikers that were a few minutes ahead of us... and in broken Italian explained that I had an accident. Fortunately, they were experienced hikers and they immediately rushed back with her to find me. They also knew whom to call for help asap and mobilized the rescue crew.

One of the climbers rappelled down the ravine using their rock climbing gear to check on me. When she realized that I was unconscious, Sanem wanted to join me in the ravine and wouldn't take no for an answer! My girl... my stubborn wife... **I **_**knew**_ **it**! She ensured that I'm not too exposed to the cold and was warming me up. She also wanted to make sure that I saw her first when I came around... so I'm not too panicked about her safety!

** .LOVE! **

..

I read between the lines of what she's _not_ telling me. If she didn't find the fellow hikers, she would've made her way down to me on her own. She would've stayed with me irrespective of our fates... oh well, it's exactly what I would've done!

It's surreal... I am spellbound, speechless and stunned! My beloved Sanem found courage, kept her strength, maintained calm, found timely help and recused me! I'm **Tarzan **saved by his very _**own**_** Lady Jane**!

**Author's Note: **Can Divit talks about Monza and San Martino in EK 20 with Ceyda in Italian on how he had 'torn up' that mountain a few times. Gamze interjects and calls him Tarzan... that's that!

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Please follow, vote, comment (if you liked or disliked) and as always, I truly appreciate your support and feedback!

Jane Porter is the quintessential damsel in distress... but I've always thought Tarzan rescued her _but_ she saved him! I also have a girl-crush on Margot Robbie in "The Legend of Tarzan" and this is one my favorite scenes!

Other references:

\- Monza/San Martino : .it/en/nature/mountains/san-martino-lecco/

\- Roman Restaurant Osteria St. Ana : /en/osteria-st-ana-2


	50. 105Artemis : S-1-13-5-12 : Sep 2019

Author's Note: Just _go _with it!

I need to make it up to my girl for _royally_ fucking up her birthday last year! It is my absolute honor to celebrate and worship her everyday... and I'm determined her birthday will forever be a pivotal event in & of _**my **_life!

I'm throwing her a party at home with all the usual suspects... our colleagues, friends and family. Per her wish, I'm barbecuing meats for everyone, there's singing and dancing to our favorite songs... and it's just _another _spectacular day at our home nowadays!

I spy my girl dancing with everyone, eating our favorite sandwich, drinking cocktails and thoroughly enjoying herself. Even from across the yard we both have a moment, a connection and I give her my "come _hither_" look...and just watching her makes me come alive, body mind, spirit & soul!

...

After the party is over and our guests have left... we make our way to the mountain hut and I tell her I have a surprise gift for her. On the way, she's so excited about it that she quizzes me incessantly!

S: Is it a cat?

C: No

... note to self: get her a cat next year ...

S: Is it a dog?

C: No

... note to self: get her a cat & dog next year ...

S: Are we getting a bird?

C: No

... note to self: get her a cat, dog and bird next year ...

S: Are we going somewhere?

C: No

... note to self: plan a trip man! ...

S: What is it? Arrrghhhh... tell me now!

C: Wait and see...bébé!

We reach the hut and I setup the telescope for stargazing like I normally do... and she's waiting in excited anticipation! Being an expert stargazer, I ask her to find the constellation at "01 hour 02 minutes, -03°45', 14.02". Her eidetic mind remembers it and she blurts out "**That's Artemis**!"

She finds Artemis and I take the telescope from her and start to zoom in _**further**_ until I find a specific star!

I ask her to look at the star, hold her in a tight embrace ... and whisper in her ears:

C: That's "**S-1-13-5-12**"

S: It's really bright & beautiful Can... but why am I looking at it?

C: Sweetheart... it is "**SANEM**" ... named for and after you!

..

When she realizes that I've named a star for her in her favorite constellation of Orion, first she is stunned then stupendously happy, her joyous reaction is really infectious, she's hugging and kissing me like she _**means**_ it!

As **ever**, she remains the brightest, guiding and everlasting star in _my_ **universe**!

**Author's Note: **Please follow, vote, comment & feedback. I **dare**you to dislike this one!

xoxo, DR

**Yes**, you can name a star after a person... really and it's free!


	51. Always Chasing Rainbows:Can,Mar 2020

**Author's Note: **Notice how Can Divit loses his mind when he sees her in a gown?

**=—-=—-=—-=—-=—-=—-=—-=**

Sanem and I have been invited to a gala. This one is very special as the Istanbul Humane Society is honoring her and I'm her date for the evening! Per usual, I've chosen a ball gown for the evening and she absolutely loves it when I surprise her!

Why do I get such pleasure from dressing her up? I feel a great innate pride, childish enthusiasm and a manly vigor in seeing her all dolled up, like a Cinderella and I'm definitely her Prince!

I've never been that man, the one who shops for his woman, but for Sanem, I've been totally that man. Even before she was mine, I was able to visualize and picture her mentally in the clothes that I'd love to see her!

Wow... my girl would look beautiful in a sack but when she does dress-up, my world stops and spins on her axis!

...

**HAUUTTE PINK**

Her walking down the stairs in that alluring hot pink gown at Fabri's party is fresh in my memory.

That dress, _**waiii**_, that dress was made for her and she wore it so beautifully and she looked so stunning that every hot blooded man in the vicinity coveted her !

But I got to walk away holding her hands in mine... I'm one lucky guy!

...

**FEELIN' BLUE**

I'm heartbroken and so mad at Sanem. But even now, I'm slightly less mad when she walks in wearing that ink blue mini-dress, owning the floor and everyone in it!

Fabri got her that dress and she's wearing it on her birthday. This is the worst thing I can imagine she'll ever do to me. She's already taking another man's gifts and our love seems somehow tainted by her actions.

Oh, what's this new thing? She thought I had bought her the dress? Hmm... that does make a bit of sense!

...

**OUT OF THE BLUE**

Here she is turning my world upside down yet again in an ink blue number that could kill a thousand men with one stroke... and I'm just one of them!

That evening, I was overwhelmed by her so much, the way she looked, not merely her gown, but the way she looked, carried herself, despite being nervous, I was all hers and ready to lay myself and the world at her feet!

** .LOVE! **

... 

** . ...you're killing **_**me**_** ! **

A heart-stoppingly sexy and glamorous angel in red opens the door for me... and my wits are scattered on floor, I'm unable to take my eyes off her!

I simply can't _resist_ the urge to touch her and that **eye-catching** pendant gives me an opportunity and she returns the favor in kind! My heart tells me, loud and clear, she's all mine, completely, totally, for sure... one day, _soon_, **forever**!

...

**YELLOoOowWWW! **

What is this new torture? Sanem is dressed skimpy today and it's taking me all the strength in the world to walk straight past her like she doesn't matter to me! 

And now she's in my office, in my personal space, and the punishment is complete. I can't believe she's dressed this way at the office but I can't take my eyes off her. She's sexy, sultry and svelte in that little yellow number and this is the most I've seen of her assets... and yowsa, such magnificent and marvelous assets!

A feeble voice inside me says it's all for _**me**_ and that she's trying to get my attention... and I'm exhilarated at the attention she's expecting from me! The woman yet again slayed me and revived me with her essence.

Did I say that she broke the spell between us? What the hell was I thinking? 

...

**Meanwhile... back in 2020**

I can't believe I launched into day dreaming about our early days together. Our relationship grew over those few months and survived so many trials and tribulations. After each separation, our trust, love and need for each other only grew exponentially, and now, even then, I can only imagine living my life with her, my one and only, my true love and soulmate!

Sanem saunters into the room, her body glistening from the shower, her hair wet and predictably she's wearing my t-shirt that looks so sexy on her! In an ode to our early days, I tease her to give me back my t-shirt, she squeals loudly and tries to escape me. Not a chance sweetheart, I hold her in a tight embrace, kiss her wetly and loudly on the cheeks and make my way to her lips!

"Caan..." she says in-between kisses.

"We're going to be late and I have to get dressed"!

"Okeay..." I reluctantly concede and release her.

"But I want to see you get dressed", I tell her and she blushes, becomes her shy self and curls into me.

"I can't dress with you watching me..." she says is a light voice. I understand what she means... if stayed, I don't think we'll get anywhere tonight, that's for sure!

Oh the dress and the shoes I bought for her are so lovely and stunning and I can't wait to see her wearing them. I walk away giving her her space and await to be shocked and awed when she appears!

...

I get my camera ready to photograph her as I'm equally and stupendously excited that Sanem is going to honored tonight for her philanthropic work. I'm so so proud of her, her beautiful heart, her brilliant mind and pure soul... and she's all mine!

"Come in Caan..." she calls out to me and I enter our bedroom with bated breath and animated excitement! 

I'm stunned speechless as she comes into view and she makes eye contact with me with her come hither look! I'm almost afraid to touch her lest she be a mirage of some kind and vanishes before I can reach for her... she looks surreal to me!

My skins stretches everywhere, my pulse quickens and my palms are sweaty as I take in the sight of the glamorous, glorious and beguiling gorgeous woman, my wife, my love, and my soulmate, all mine!

I Euro-kiss her on both cheeks, take in a whiff of her essence that intoxicates me and look into her eyes. She's anxiously waiting for me to say something and her expectant expression nearly kills me!

** .LOVE! **

"Sevigilim, çok **güzel** , çok **harika, **baya iyi baya iyi" (Sweetheart, so beautiful, so spectacular, so so so great) I tell her and she smiles her blooming smile that makes my life worth it, everyday, forever!

"**And sweetheart**" ... I say as she looks at me dove-eyed "... **I'll be watching you take it off tonight!**"

**=—-=—-=—-=—-=—-=—-=—-=**

**Author's Note:** I'm crushing on CaNem, that's all!

**Dear **_**Arkadaş vs Ablas,**_ I hope you enjoyed this part as much as I loved writing it !

Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _get_ better and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **?


	52. Artemis' Albatross : May 2020

**Sanem Soysal-Divit**

I've been writing my novella since I was 13 years old...it has grown from a school girl crush to a hot blooded woman's obsession. I've actually rewritten it a 100 times and this is the final **draft**!

Every time I think I've _finished _it, I realize that my Albatross isn't quite as majestic, grandiose, authentic, genuine and real as I'd like him to be! It may be because I hadn't met him yet and he was just a figment of my imagination. Then, I met the man, the myth, the legend, my husband, love of my life and soulmate **Can Divit**!

I've been brutally honest about my failings... and laid bare all of the things I should've done better and differently... including when I should've been 'once bitten twice shy'. It's a sliding doors moment of what could have been if I had been more honest with him, even when protecting him against real and imaginary evils!

The story I have to tell is author backed for **Albatross**...naturally! On the last rewrite, I spent a few months reliving every single day since our first kiss, uncertain times, our attraction for each other, my betrayal of his trust, becoming friends, becoming lovers, my perfume situation, family drama, becoming engaged and getting married! OH... being married to him and becoming _**his **_is... is the best part of it, almost indescribable!

Of course, we honeymooned in the Galapagos islands! It was my first time leaving the country, I've been dreaming for what feels like a million years, and he kept his promise to take me... it's such a mind-blowing experience being there with him!

A picture maybe worth a thousand words... but my husband's photographs stun me wordless! What he **can** do with the camera is _second_ only to what he **can** do in bed... so beautiful, poignant, evocative, powerful and sexy!

I _can't_ believe that I thought he was the "Kötü kral"... and still couldn't help being overwhelmingly attracted to him in every possible sense. I did spend hours ogling him and mimicking his style... and wondering what it would feel to be held and kissed by him!

**Can** my man cook or what? I've gained a little weight since our wedding. It happens when I'm being spoiled everyday with his versatile palette & taste in food and diverse culinary skills! It's not just that... he's taken to feeding me in the most sensual and erotic ways possible! **Can** food be such a turn-on? I had no idea...but it is with _**Can**_!

It was a joy to crack that _**cocanut **_\- so rough, hard and macho on the outside but so soft, pure, enriching and life quenchingly sweet on the inside! My mind has captured all of his feelings, mannerisms, micro-expressions, inflections and how his body language alters in my presence. I'm mesmerized when he transforms from being 6' tall and wide to a _curlable _form that fits me perfectly...!

I **can** now distinguish his voice anywhere in the world, even in a crowded room with a hundred people... it sounds like _melted velvety chocolate _to my ears and I'm drawn to him like it's a siren. I _can't_ keep it together when he's doing a presentation and everyone is hanging on his every word... I simply want to drag him from there and do things to him!

I'm almost tolerating women, and sometimes men, paying him _extra _attention. Poor them... they **can** eat their little heart out...he's mine after all! I cruelly enjoy seeing them crash and burn when he draws a line with that distinct expression of deference to me and preference of me.

My man **can** seduce anyone with his eyes... and my body turns into jelly and catches fire when he looks at me, really looks at me, into my eyes and touches my soul and umm... other parts! If looks could kill, he definitely slays me every single time...!

_**Damn**_... I lose my mind and yet feel at home when he's naked! His manly smell lingers everywhere... on our bed, on me, everywhere he's been... and I'm hypnotized, bewitched and enraptured by his touch, embrace... his body.. all of him! And he's all mine... I'm **ONE** _lucky_ girl!

Beyond all the blissfulness that is **Can** Divit, his most precious asset, strength, weakness, forte and possession is **his heart**!

To those he **loves** and specifically for me, he's extremely kind, totally open-minded, giving his all, loyal to fault, full of pride, emotional and sensitive, filled with patience, loves without restraint and wildly... he is **the best man** I've ever known in this life!

..

..

I've not let him read the novella... and told him I'd like it to be surprise for him! _It is_... a love letter that's taken me my entire life to write! I **can** see the anticipation is killing him... and I _can't_ wait to share it!

**Can Divit**

Sanem and her publisher are busy today preparing for the book launch party tomorrow evening. She'll be back late afternoon and I'm preparing a romantic and cozy dinner to celebrate! I'm lounging at home and a messenger just delivered a copy of her novella for me to read. It's gift wrapped in a bow with the handwritten signature of hers : "**C.**"

With bated breath and excited anticipation, I rip open the package... expecting to find a hard bound book. **OMG**... what I see stuns me and I collapse in my favorite chair! She's sent me her novella, handwritten in elegant & sexy cursive, on vintage paper... all 25000 words of it... the dedication says : "**Canım**"

The world stands still for next 3 hours... I'm entrenched, immersed & engulfed in her words!

..

Who is this protagonist? The way she describes him, that **Albatross **is a **demi-God**! I can't begin to even fathom who I am, as seen through her eyes... and how she writes of me with adoration, devotion, alternating between cherishing me and carnal appreciation! I'm **reborn** at the end of her words... tears are flowing in my eyes, I realize what an honor it is to be distinguished, recognized and embraced by her love for me!

..  
I _CAN'T_ write a novella to describe my love for her... but I **CAN** demonstrate and live everyday to make myself worthy of her words!  
I _CAN't_ wait for her to get home...

**Author's Note**: Funny, I CAN and did have a word play on "**Can**" and "_can't" _for this piece... it was fun!

**Can** = Life, Vigor (Ja-an in Hindi, Urdu, Sanskrit, Turkish, Persian)

**Canım** means "My life" or "(My) Darling/Dear"

Meaning/usage in many languages : . ?term=JAAN


	53. Paris, On t'aime: July 2021

**Author's Note: **"Paris, **On** t'aime!" means "Paris, **We** love you!"

Sanem absolutely **loves **Paris and I believe it's her "soul-city". _**Akin **_to her, Paris is purely romantic, historic in its memories, gorgeous and beautiful, extremely feminine, evolving everyday, speaks a sensual language and the cuisine, the taste of it, is really exquisite!

We're in Paris, our 4th time together, and the 2nd time this year alone! At this rate, we may be securing a vacation home here... and I'm so tempted to do it seeing her joyous glow and excitement whenever we visit here!

**March 2021**

We celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary this week ... and incidentally we're also here to _**introduce **_her parfüm at the international fragrance conference!

Within a few minutes of the conference start, an anonymous buyer bids very high for royalties to her parfüm. Considering our past bad experience, I want to make sure that we are partnering with the right company that'll have her best interests at heart! I question the veracity of their bid and it's all very dramatic when they reveal their world famous reputed brand. After that, we're requested to end the showing as they are ready to buy her parfüm at any cost! I **knew **it... others will go just as crazy for her parfüm, same as me... I simply _**knew **_it!

..

Sanem's _**kokun**_ and **essence **belongs _**only **_to me... but her talent in creating fragrances is so phenomenal that I have to share her with the world. Over the past few months, I became determined to bring her _other _fragrances to market!

..

We now had an extra special reason to celebrate... she is on her way to becoming a fabled **Perfumer**! First the novella and now this, I'm bursting with pride and joy for her... my love, my one and only, my wife... who seems to be leaping from strength to greatness! I'd like to get her a special gift to commemorate this moment ... literally I want to make it **unforgettable**!

..

Like me, she's into _**bandanas**_ and what better store to buy one than at the Hermès in Paris. While she's busy, I walk to the store, describe her to the sales lady and ask if they have a scarf that would fit her personality!

"Innocent, inquisitive, spontaneous, dreamer, fearless, beautiful, colorful, adorable and adventurous" - the lady, surprised by my words, stares at me for a moment, slowly recovers, then smiles widely and says they have the _**perfect**_ scarf for me!

WOW... it's limited edition, it's in fact in stock and I'm so excited about it! The lady then wishes me the best and hopes my _**beloved**_ loves it! She adds that _usually _Hermès scarves are keepsakes and family heirlooms that are passed down to the next generations, moms to daughters to granddaughters! How apropos for Sanem!

The perfect scarf for the perfect girl : "**Un Week-End dans l'Espace**" meaning "A Weekend in Space". It depicts a dreamer girl in space, like my Artemis, colorful and full of excitement, innocent and curious, and so so so pure!

She really loves the scarf and knowing her, she's never asked me how much it costs, she only cares that it's a gift from me! But her gifts _for_ me have been invaluable, born of her heart and soul, to-die-for, priceless and timeless!

..

Years ago, during my first visit to Paris, I stayed at a boutique hotel in a very old, historic building with a killer view of the Eiffel Tower! I love that hotel and a unique room in it... and I've always dreamt of returning there with my beloved. From the room, using a ladder, you can climb out of the window to the secret rooftop and _**voilà**_, there's the Eiffel Tower!

It is THE most romantic spot to stargaze, and per usual, I add Parisian cheese, bread and wine to our exotic experience! It's now a ritual for us whenever we visit Paris, we've made passionate, relatively quiet and _creative_ love to each other on that rooftop!

...

**July 2021**

For the past few months, she's been working on her parfüm with the buyers and it's been a great partnership. They've been able to bounce ideas, curate the fragrance and decided it's best to keep it as an 'atelier' label. _**Atelier**_ means that it's made in a studio setting rather than a lab and everything is handmade, very much like how Sanem creates it. Moreover, hers will be a _**niche **_fragrance produced on a smaller scale of 100 bottles and sold by fragrance boutiques to fragrance collectors and connoisseurs, how apropos!

...

Today is the launch and reveal party... and yet again, I'm kept in the dark about the details, just the way she does it and loves to surprise me! My girl... always trying to impress me and blowing my heart, mind, body and soul in the process!

...

She's on stage doing her _**thing**_, wowing and dazzling everyone beyond compare... gushing about how she got started making parfüm, her process with the flowers and herbs and her passion behind the product she is going to introduce! I stand rapt in attention and awe of her presence, her passion, authenticity and absolute beauty!

Suddenly, she calls to me!

S: "**Caan**... où es tu mon _**amour**_?"  
(Caan... where are you love?)

I'm surprised but I wave to her and she asks for a spotlight on me! Oh well... what's _**this**_?

S: "Mon **Parfüm **, ma **Vie**, mon **Amour **est _**inspiré et dédié**_ à cet homme, mon **Mari **et mon **âme Soeur!**"  
(My parfüm, my life, my love is inspired and dedicated to this man, my husband and soulmate!)

... I'm stunned silent ...

"Mesdames et Messieurs, de mon **l'atelier**..."  
(Ladies and Gentlmen, from my Atelier...)

**"Candy** **Florale**"

** .GOD! **

...

I'm having an out of body experience, literally floating, flattered, touched and in seventh heaven at her words! She's honored _my _**obsession** of _her _essence by naming her signature fragrance after me! What an honor she's bestowed upon me... !

I have no words to describe the emotions, feelings and riotous reactions in my body, mind, heart and soul!

Now, here and forever, this is my life, my love, my only and one, with my beloved Sanem!

**Author's note: Parfüm**, also known as extrait de parfum or _**pure **_perfume, has the highest fragrance concentration of all scents, last the longest at 6 to 8 hours and generally priced high of all the fragrance types!

**PS :** I can't write about Paris without talking about shopping... again travel is an holistic experience for me, sometimes for the wallet, and the soul ? ﾟﾘﾊ

**DR's True Story : October 2018**

Can Divit is **obsessed **and _**raves **_on and on and on about "**kokun**", Sanem's parfüm! For months now, I've been wondering what this perfume could possibly smell like, to the point of testing a lot of perfumes & almost losing my sense of smell!

I had an **Eureka!** moment while walking through the duty-free area of Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam! The sales assistant was handing out perfume testers and one of them truly stunned me!

It is an exotic and wild floral fragrance, subtle and sweet! It makes an impact... and I've been told?that it's very pleasant when one is hugged and kissed! To me this is Sanem (or is it Can's?) parfum, it IS perfect and even the same color as her bottle!

And then I find out it's name... it's **incidentally **called "**Candy Florale**" by **Prada**!

**For the record**: I'm merely a consumer of the brands mentioned, no promotions, connections or kickbacks!

Thanks for reading this far... I hope you enjoyed it! Yes, splurged a little ?ￂﾠ

Please follow, add to reading list, vote, comment and provide feedback! I truly appreciate you reading and spending your precious time with me !  
Xoxo, DR


	54. Compass, Sails & Anchor : March 2022

It's hustling and bustling at the Malé International Airport, the access point to the islands of Maldives. I've been in the airport lounge for a couple of hours, had a shower... my first hot shower in almost a month. But hey, bathing in the pristine waters of the Indian Ocean is one of the perks of being here!

As I wait for my flight to Istanbul to be called, I reflect back on the last few days... and years of my life!

...  
I've been island hopping in the Maldives, been here almost a month, with spectacular views, reef diving and camping on the beaches of the Indian Ocean. I came here to do photography and PR work for the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN). Owing to the rising water levels, the islands are sinking; so we're building environmental awareness & attending to the flocks of families leaving to seek refuge. I'm also working with the Turkish government with the transition and settlement of fisherman from the Maldives.

Man, has it been only **10 days since** I last saw her? She was just here... flew in to spend a few days with me, feels like a **lifetime** ago! I had chartered a boat to a remote uninhabited island and we spent the most spectacular, sensual and spiritual time celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary. It's our style of reconnecting with each other, exploring the island, swimming and snorkeling, camping on the beach, campfire and barbecue, drinking mulled wine... and making love on the beach!

..

..

The marketing agency is in the capable hands of the tenacious & wonderful women in my life. Sanem & Deren are Co-creative Directors, Leyla is the Financial Controller, Guliz is Operations Director... and we are the most successful we've ever been! In addition, Ceycey manages PR & Metin does legal work, with Emre and me being heads of the company in name only. I'm _**just**_ Sanem's date and arm-candy!

For all the horror stories I've heard and seen about being married, I have no reference point to any of it! Sanem never tried to change me... but I've changed, I think, for the better! I'm more calmer now, less hotheaded, even more emotional and surrounded by family, friends and loved ones!

We've structured our life to suit both our personalities. I didn't want a desk job but she absolutely loves the agency... and she's awesome at it! Wow, she's a unifier... her brilliance, empathy, team work and sense of family is on display every single moment of every single day and I'm in awe of her!

I've managed to do socially responsible projects ... the only rule being we won't be apart **more than a month** & we should talk or FaceTime everyday. Almost a year ago, I told her about my passion for this kind of work and that I missed it. She was super supportive of me pursuing my dreams... so I've been out thrice this year on long sojourns of 1–2 months at a time... still a nomad, but she's the wind in my sails and the anchor that brings me home!

I have a home now, filled with love, laughter and complete unconditional acceptance... and she's the center of my world! She hasn't changed much either... once a **diamond** in the rough, now polished and she's shining like the sun. She's still a really _**terrible**_ **cook**, no luck there... but I'd eat rocks and drink poison if she makes it! Once a **klutz**, always a klutz... but I've ensured that she has a trusted support system around her. One of the best decisions I ever made, other than marrying her, was to buy a cozy, beautiful and historic house in her, now our, neighborhood. It was a natural choice... her family is now my family and with Leyla, Osman, Ayhan and Ceycey near her, I'm _almost_ comfortable leaving her on her own!  
...

My thoughts are interrupted as my flight is being called. I'm going home a day earlier than planned... to surprise her and I'm always elated to see her reaction!

..  
I buy roses and her favorite pistachio filled baklava on the way home. It's early evening and the house is very quiet, from outside I turn off the security code and call her to ensure that she's home. We talk briefly and I tell her I'll be seeing her tomorrow. She sounds a little dull and when I ask her she chalks it up to a long day. I hang up, unlock the door and enter like a thief in the night... so excited! As I near our bedroom... I hear this painful, sad and deafening howl. I'm stunned as I open the door, she's curled on my side of the bed, covered in the blanket and sobbing uncontrollably!

I run to her and remove the blanket from her face... and so she doesn't get too scared, tell her "I'm here love...I'm here! I got home early... What's wrong?" She's clearly shocked to see me, yelps and takes a second to comprehend that it's me and hugs me tightly. I kiss her desperately... "What's wrong, love?" I ask again and she's a bit embarrassed, I think. She's curled into me and I can feel something is very wrong!

...  
I spend the next few hours coaxing, cajoling and carousing the matter from her. What I learn shakes me to the core... my wife, the love of my life, feels isolated, alone and lonely, she misses me terribly when I'm gone! To her it feels like we are **ships passing in the night** and she's been wondering if I **married her in haste only to regret in leisure**!

She's been taking care of me, our home & agency, colleagues & clients, friends & family... and naturally putting herself last! I shudder when I hear her talk about how she feels when I leave. To her, it feels like she's not "_**enough**_" to keep me anchored, and every time I return she's been dreading the next time I'd leave!

I am _horrified_! She lets me go because she loves me and I go because I love my freedom! She wants me to be happy and I make myself happy! God, I've been so selfish and thoroughly ashamed of myself. How could I do this to her? How could I have not known what it means to be married yet live alone? There were warning signs, like the fact that she stopped writing her novels and made no new perfume... but I've been **blind**. I had her... and I've taken her for granted... it appears I had wielded all of my power in the relationship to gain some _**phantom**_ freedom!

..

Seeing her that way is very sobering... and I start to reflect on my actions. **What was I thinking**? While I was out pursuing my passions and dreams, she's been carrying the burden of our relationship... and add to that the whispers of people around her about her flighty husband! Damn, I need to grow the fuck up, man up, be the husband that I am and live our life!

..

My love for her has been in theory while hers for me is practiced in real life. I've tethered her to our life while I galavant around the world not living mine, with her! It dawned on me that the freedom that I sought in the past was to escape the fact that I had very few people to love me unconditionally. Even after receiving it, I had _**failed**_ to recognize it!

Why months on end while I can do days? Why leave her behind when we could be doing it together? With her help and ideas we will accomplish extraordinary things! What an idiot I have been! I feel incredibly angry and guilty for not thinking about it earlier. God, I was turning into my mom... and that's the behavior I learnt when I was young! What a disaster... and I hope I'm not too late to make amends, be there for her and myself! **That is IT...**!

...

While I'm having this aha moment yet filled with trepidation... I also have a realization about Sanem. Her strength is subtle and strong... not overpowering and controlling. So when I control the strands of the relationship, she puts my interests first and sacrifices herself to the cause! Wow... I'm one lucky son of a bitch to find a woman that meanders like water to suit me!

...  
That evening, night and over the next few days _**I coddle, cook and care for my wife**_... give her a million kisses, cuddles and make love to her like my life depended on it, it actually does! I reassure her that she's the **best thing** that had ever happened to a savage like me... and that she rocks my world!

As always, now, today, forever, **I'm an evolved man**, with her, for her, my true north!

**Authors Note**: Marriage is a journey, Romance is the ever-changing weather and Love is the vessel that sustains us through it all! The road will get bumpy, the route arduous, there will be breakdowns, external actors, internal struggles, time pressure... and what not!

Even a sophisticated savage like Can Divit will need a few years to really commit to being in the partnership...this is my take on his journey!

For all those who think Sanem is a pushover or doormat, think again! She loves him, wants him and him to be happy... no matter the cost. She literally dictates the terms of the relationship with her silent strength. She says jump, he says how high?! BUT... she needs to say the words "jump" for him to know... and one could say she loves him more than he loves her!

**PS: **I'm describing that a sustainable, enduring, tenacious, loving marriage takes effort, time, sacrifice & ego(less) partnership to survive the modern world! I met my DH at 18yo, we've been together 25 years, 22+ years married... so I've experienced both theoretical romance and pragmatic love! ❤️

This was a tough one to write for me... took a lot of soul searching & hence it is long! Hope your enjoyed it and pls provide comments and feedback!


	55. …Few weeks later… : Jan 2023, CaNem

**Can Divit**

We've had the most blissful past few months together, celebrating us, with family & friends, pursuing our passions & hobbies... and loving each other tenderly and fiercely! We're both like a puzzle that fits together...building a graceful rhythm : I save her from the **perils** of the _planet_ and she saves me from the perils of _**myself**_!

..

In the last 5 years, the agency has doubled in size and revenues. We now have a full on Talent Management and PR department managed by Ceycey; one of our first clients is the rising star, our dear friend actor and artist, Osman.

Apart from her brand and marketing work, Sanem's an **über** successful romance novelist and decorated speaker. She mentors and hires talent from all walks of life, including our mahoul (community), identifying and grooming from some tremendous overlooked potential! I credit the success of the agency to the fact that we're diverse in exploring creative and unorthodox avenues to surround ourselves with innovative & great ideas.

..

Sanem & I are attracting even more tabloid & press interest than we did before... owing to our philanthropic work and increasing public profiles. We've been branded a "_**power**_ **couple**" and have a new moniker "**CaNem**"!

I find it fascinating... but we _**are**_ CaNem, two bodies, one unified soul!

**Sanem Soysal-Divit**

It's New Years day 2023. Yesterday evening was awesome celebrating with family, friends, fireworks & food...such fun! Can is away most of the day cooking & serving food at a soup kitchen for the homeless. He must've left early without waking me up... I did sleep until noon after all. He's left me chai on my nightstand and a sweet handwritten note : "Good Morning Love" with a single red rose... so romantic and thoughtful. I feel guilty about not joining him... but I did party a bit too hard! I'm awake now... and refreshed and nothing to do but wait for him to return.

Inspiration hits me... and I do have time on my hands! So I quickly gulp down the tea, freshen-up and hunt for something to wear. I find his t-shirt on the hook... and what can make a girl feel more comfortable than her man's clothes?! It still fits me lopsided... and it smells of him, musky, full-on man... it almost feels like his hugs!

I stroll into the garden, looking for winter flowers and the jasmines are in full bloom... **Eureka**! I've not made a new perfume in a while... I feel rewarded to find them ready for me, so I pluck a few and head inside. Can had created a cozy _international_ apothecary nook for me in our home... complete with a mortar and pestle from Iran, a vintage table from Morocco, a cane sitting stool from India and an ancient spice desk from Venice. For my eidetic memory, each piece is throwback and flashback to all of our wonderful times traveling the world together!

**Can Divit**

It's around 5PM and I'm home after a fruitful, or shall I say, _soupful_ day. I can't see her... but I hear her humming the _**soulful**_ tune to "Kirmizi" by Tuğkan. I find her in the perfume room, concentrating on bottling up a perfume, didn't even notice that I'm back. At the entry, I stand back and observe her. She looks sensational wearing just my t-shirt, hair flowing to her back and dancing rhythmically to the tune she's singing... Boy, I'm so **lucky**! As she puts down the perfume bottle... I surprise her, like I normally do, and hug her from behind, taking in a full whiff of her essence!

She yelps and returns the hug... but I'm almost knocked out by the fragrance that is her ! She's immersed in it, I'm immersed in it... and it is one of the **most evocative moments** of my life! Her fragrance and essence is such an aphrodisiac, that my body involuntarily responds to her... and I start kissing her passionately and she catches up to me in a millisecond!

We're devouring each other, unfettered and soaring, again and again... and again! She's a sensual blend of Venus and Aphrodite in human form, made just for me... and I'm powerless and powerful with her and for her!

**Can Divit : Few** **weeks later...**

We've both been busy today and I had dropped her off at the agency and left for a photo shoot.

..

Early evening, I drive over to pick her up. Even after all this time, she still gets surprised by my stealthy hug and kisses... and I thoroughly enjoy her outburst & ecstatic reactions!

"Let's go to the the rocks...by the bay" she says. Never one to refuse her, I say "Okay" and she says "It's so cute when you say _OKAY_"... kisses.

We make it to the rocks... our **special** place, where we left each other, found each other, got proposed to, got engaged, got married... it's been the backdrop for every one of the key moments in our courtship, love & life!

She's in my arms and I'm eagerly waiting for her to talk.

"Can...look..."

"I'm not sure how to say this to you..."

"**I'm pregnant**"...

And the rest is a flurry of words... "I know we discussed having children a bit later... you needed time... but I'm not sure how this happened so quickly!"

**Sanem Soysal-Divit**

The next **few moments** are one of the **best** moments of my life! We're nose to nose with each other... and Can gives me one of his glorious **Duchenne smiles...** of all time!

**Can Divit**

Did she just say _**pregnant**_? Whoa?! She looks so stressed and is trembling slightly. For the past few days she's been radiant, with a fluorescence and even more so gloriously feminine than in all the time I've known her!

"I love you, my beloved, my one & only love!"

"**HERKES**...We're having a **BABY**!", I trumpet excitedly into the bay for Herkes (everyone)!

**Authors Note:** The **Duchenne smile** has been described as "smizing", as in "**smiling** with the **eyes**". Can Yaman is one I've seen have a perfect one & fabulous dimples to boot!


	56. Loves of my Life: October 2023, CaNem

**Author's Request:** **Please** read = **CaNem Divit, January 2023: "...Few weeks later..."** = before this part.

Our mutual and die-hard basal existential yearning and fancy for each other is at an exponential growth and reaching for the peaks of Mount Everest! My love, my one and only, my beloved, my wife and soulmate is _**gloriously**_ **pregnant!**

Glowing magnificently and intensely amplified essence, these are words that don't even do justice to her state of _**being**_! She looks absolutely angelic, feels warm and curls into me... making a home for herself in my arms, smells incredibly heavenly, behaves even more affectionately, loves deeply and definitely orchestrates my life! I may be the ship's captain, but she's the directional rudder, turbulent and calm seas, harmonious wind in the sails and the compass of our life!

If I thought Sanem was spontaneous and intriguing before, pregnant _her_ is beyond comparison and I'm trying my best to keep up! Her needs, wants and desires change with the weather and I've learnt to rapidly adapt to her delightful demands and endearing requests!

**...**

Man, does my girl get hungry or what?! I love it when she suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night and asks for Koftas or my Pasta Carbonara or even better, a chocolate soufflé with ice cream. The next best thing to her naked in my bed, is her pregnant and barefoot in our kitchen! I thank _providence_, **Emin**-Hanim and **Luule** for teaching me how to cook... as I have such a demanding little madam on my hands!

My gorgeous wife's body is changing and she's becoming more alluring and sexy! Her desire and need for me is so vigorous, fiery and clamorous, that we can't keep our hands off each other... even for a single moment! Not that I'm complaining, but the more tenderly I serve her, the more impatient she becomes, and her orgasms are so so _so _intense that she's sated and instantly falls into a deep and peaceful sleep in my arms! We simply spend every imaginable moment with each other... I'm loving every inch of her and every bit of it!

**...**

**Spring**

During spring, all she wanted was to be outdoors, in the garden or at the park, literally every single moment, apart from when she wasn't working at the agency. She talked to the birds, flowers, bees and bugs... the fragrance and new life of the season is metaphoric for her, tremendously inspiring her and thereby she inspires everyone around her!

In the evenings we go to the park and she lies down in my lap; she reads her favorite books and titles like Jane Austen, Brené Brown, Winnie the Pooh, En Iyi Baba Benim Babam (My Daddy is the Best!), Edip Cansever, Le Petit Prince and other classics!

At night, we listen to music, the classics again Mozart, Beethoven, and usually she asks to play "**Clair De Lune**" by Debussy on repeat, how _**apropos**_... as she is in fact my moon, moonlight and I love her to the moon and back , forever!

She's always been interested in learning new things; with her eidetic mind, as we've been traveling, she's been able to pickup French pretty easily! But one special request that surprised me a bit was when she asked _**me**_ to teach _**her**_ English. I believe that was her way of ensuring that my voice is heard, literally through her belly. Go figure... I'll always be in awe and intrigued about how her mind and spirit works!

**Summer**

Summer rolls along and she's now starting to show... and the shape of her is very delicate and yet she's absolutely a yummy-mummy-to-be! She's slowed down, just a bit, after I force her to... and that means I've picked up speed to compensate. I stopped drinking alcohol, if she can't have it, neither can I, and I'm trying to emulate and share in her experiences!

She's starting to feel the weight of the pregnancy with back pain, swollen feet and experiencing discomfort at her evolving body. Such is nature... she says and always takes it in stride! Wherever we spend the night, it's become my requirement for her to have a long and warm bubble bath... and she naturally asks me to join her! I've figured out that essential oils like lavender and eucalyptus ease her pain and I massage her entire body to relax her!

Giving her a massage, even in this condition, is an erotic experience for me and her... and when she initiates it, we end up making slow, intimate and passionate love, nose to nose, her on top and me supporting her... like I mean it!

Now all she wants to do is enjoy the ocean breeze, watch the waves, and we hangout by the rocks at the harbor. She's in her rhythm, lying in my lap or asking to be wrapped in me and reading a novel, like she's always dreamt of doing her whole life!

When she falls asleep soothed by the breeze, I get to cradle and carry her home! I feel so divine and content doing it... that I almost always get overwhelmed looking at her and spend my nights just watching her sleep!

Now her food requests are more for game protein and exotic meats... lobster, veal, even rabbit and deer, it's fascinating and makes me wonder how her body and mind function!

**Autumn**

Autumn is here and the weather has changed from warm to chilly. Now we light up the fire, make sausages, roast marshmallows, sojourn at the mountain hut and go on drives to nature spots around Istanbul - lakes, forests and mountains!

"You, me and nature is all I ever need..." she says as we watch the changing of the seasons... synonymous to the spectacular change that is upon us!

At the 8 month mark, Ayhan-cik and Leyla-cim throw her a fantastic baby shower in our newly renovated **nursery**! The _angelic_ space is adjacent to our bedroom... and it's cozy, warm and bright. Like she does at the agency, she created an idea and inspiration board for how the nursery needs to be... in a way of designing the mood for the space and her ingenuity is boundless!

One of the key features, I'm absolutely amazed by, is a custom wall paper mural covering the walls. It's a fusion of our love of animals and travel, depicting a sense of adventure, exploration and our aspirations and dreams! It is simply breath-taking and so so _her_!

**...**

I'm in _**seventh**_ heaven just seeing her surrounded by our family and friends... it makes my heart brim and swell with such joy and love! I often have to pinch myself that this is actually my life, our life, my love and it is all **real** and **really** happening to me!

**Coexisting** in that _**exact**_ moment, is also the abject fear, total panic and existential crisis of what _may_ go wrong... how it may _all_ be gone in an instant!

It has **not** been an _**easy**_ pregnancy for us. With her injury there was always a possibility of a miscarriage followed by the extreme worry that it would be a preterm delivery. Myself and everyone sighed a huge sigh of relief when she reached 36 weeks and out of premie danger!

Well, I'm not letting up until she gives birth; I'm like a panther on the prowl, on high alert, noticing and cataloging every odd reaction she has and I'm driving her gynecologist crazy! But hey, she's my one and only, my love and my beloved wife... and the center of my universe!

Per medical advice, we've decided that a scheduled c-section is the best option to eliminate unknowns and mitigate any and all type of risks!

..

The day is here and I'm a nervous fucking wreck... but she's very calm, composed and collected and like she normally does... calms, soothes and collects me in the process! I didn't know it was possible... but she's even more empathetic, intuitive, devoted, doting, caring and loving than ever before! Something about the reality of becoming a parent has altered her permanently and forever!

** .LOVE!**

..

..

For all the struggles that we've been through, the one thing I pray for is to have an _**eventless**_ birth... and my wishes are duly and fully granted! She's groggy and overtired but fully lucid during the whole procedure... and together we got to share the magical birth of our _**children**_!

Oh did I mention we're having **twins**, a boy _**and**_ a girl?! When the doctor told us the news, we were both dumbfounded, while she was incandescent with joy and I shared in her joy, my fear for her also increased manifold, _**infinitely**_! She is the apple of my eye, my moon, sun and the universe, my soulmate, and the love of my life... and I'd give anything and everything for her to be happy, safe and healthy, and now for them babies two!

Before we even reached home to share the news with family and friends, we intrinsically knew what to name them! We decided to name them after the most **influential** people in our lives. He will be a namesake for my **dear Baba and hers**, _naturally_. She will _carryon_ Anne-Hanim's **family name** meaning a "**nature lover and believer in a harmonious earth**"! For some unreal reason, even unmet, I'm already too protective of her... and I begin to understand the unique bond between Sanem and Baba-Bey... fathers and daughters I suppose, as I wonder and marvel!

**...**

Our _**warrior-man**_, **Aziz Nihat Divit** and _**cute-princess**_ **Soysal Mev Divit** make an exciting, ecstatic and epic entrance into this world!

**Our life and love is enhanced, enchanted and enraptured, forever!**

**Author's Note: Soysal, **I say **like** _**Father**_, **like** _**Daughter**_!

**WHEEWWW**... that took some creative writing to not reveal the fact they were having twin children and one of each genders! But hey... I gave y'all a hint at the beginning with a Luke & Leia Skywalker reference!

**Dear **_**Arkadaş,**_ I hope you enjoyed this part as much as I loved writing it ! Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _feel_ better (!?) and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **

Photos: From IG and Google, I've modified them a bit!


	57. My Sensational Mrs Divit: Oct 2024

We've been married five wonderful, marvelous and sublime years! There are more truer words than the fact that Sanem is the **actual** center of my universe, her and our twins! None of us would even know how to function without her, it is _that _simple and a pure fact of our life!

The children are turning a year old tomorrow and a birthday party is being setup to celebrate the occasion. Leyla, Ayhan, Deren and **Müge **are helping Sanem with the preparations and decorations.

Who is Müge you ask? It's that _nut_ Muzzo's wife, he finally found an _**equal**_ and married her... and did I mention she's just _like_ him?!

It's late afternoon and I'm in the atelier processing some photos in the dark room. The children are with their doting grandparents for the day and they usually don't get dropped off at night unless Sanem & I insist. They're growing up so fast, they're so adorable, loud and rambunctious when awake, full of life and energy... just like their loving, caring and fabulous mom!

Irrespective of where I am, my psyche, eyes and ears are always tuned towards Sanem. I can see and hear her from across a crowded room like I have antennas that catch her signature frequency, and of course, the woman still slays and revives me with her essence!

From inside the dark room, I can't hear the questions being asked of her, but I can hear her talk, crystal clear, as though she's standing next to me.

S: "Deren, that needs to go here... I think we should arrange it in a circle, do you think that'll be good idea?"

..

..

S: "Aiiyyyeee Ayhan, I only asked you to taste a piece of the cake, not eat the whole thing!

S: "Ok Ok... please bake a new one... we may need more than one flavor anyways."

..

..

S: "No Abla-cim, I've already paid the clown an advance... can you confirm that he'll be on time tomorrow?"

S: "... and ask him not to drink before the party... he can have a drink after the party is over!"

..

..

S: "Müge-cik, NOooooo, you can't wear a lady clown costume... Abla, you're special to the children and we'd like you to be _you _in the photos. Please listen to me dear! "

..

..

Ah... Sanem... AH! She's in her element, managing everything, just the way she likes it, and she's asked me to be daddy-dearest, that's it! I smirk and smile..._Okay_ sweetheart, whatever you want me to be, I'll be, **forever**!

..

..

I'm not sure how long I've been in the dark room but suddenly I realize our home is very quiet. That is a rare occurrence nowadays... there's always some activity or noise, the children causing a ruckus or their unadulterated childish giggling and laughing echoes throughout our home!

..

I step out of the atelier, which is still lit in red, and see Sanem seated on the bench outside totally engrossed in reading a book, and presumably waiting for me to finish my work.

Wow... I marvel at _just_ how she's seated there, not a care in the world with reckless abandon, of course, that's because she's home with me. She just takes my breath away... and when I'm able to breathe, my heart is racing, palms are sweaty, my skin stretches, everywhere, and I can't wait to touch her, hold her and make her mine in every possible way!

She is wearing my t-shirt and it still fits her lopsided. Her post-baby body is just as sensual and alluring as before... and if it's possible, she's more softer and supple in all the right places... and I'm in love with every bit of her! **Damn**, _**damn**_ she is sultry and sexy and totally, completely and wholly mine to possess and be possessed!

Per usual, I stealthily walk to her and hug her from behind, kiss her on the neck while inhaling her overpowering and vanquishing essence! She squeals loudly with glee and pleasure, some things never _ever_ change, and gives herself to me! We're holding each other so close that our clothes are a hindrance to our embrace!

Before I realize it, her lips are on mine and she's earnestly coaxing me to open to her. She's really feather-light to me, I carry her so she's straddling me and she has full access to my face and lips. As I hold her, I release her hair from the clip and run my fingers through her hair. She moans loudly in my mouth, _savagely_ deepens the kiss and her tongue is literally down my throat! Wow... my girl wants me, really _really_ wants me, and it's a siren's call to my manhood!

She's such an incredible, powerful aphrodisiac and an assault on all my senses... she's dressed provocateur, her wet slickness tastes mighty delicious, her skin feels like warm silk, she drowns me in her essence and the noises she makes... ** .GOD**... it makes me want to give her all the pleasure in the world by worshiping her with my tongue and body!

"**Bed**" ... "or _**here**_?" I ask breathless and she says "**Table**" ... "_**atelier**_" in between kisses!

She's wrapped in me as I carry her into the atelier and without breaking contact I clear the table with one sweep! She's on the table she requested... and next thing I know, my t-shirt is off of her, mine is off of me and she makes quick work of my shorts and I'm freed from the cage!

With unfettered access to her, I'm nipping and licking my way down and make it to her 3-day-old-moon-shaped c-section scar. Her fingers are in my hair... it's so heavenly, and she pauses for a second. I can feel she's conscious about the scar and trying to hide that part from me! A voice inside my head screams at her... "Oh no, sweetheart, this is our scar, yours and mine, and I love love love you more and more and more for it!" I very deliberately lick the length of the scar and wetly kiss her there... and peek up at her... she's supporting herself on her elbows, her eyes closed, the emotions on her face sets me on fire!

She opens her eyes and urgently yanks my face to her... and she's owning my lips, and once again her tongue starts a decadent and luxurious dance with mine!

We both gasp for air, and she breathlessly and wantonly says : "**Caan**" ... "I want you... take me _**now**_" ... "and **don't **be gentle!"

** .LOVE! **

We're nose to nose, looking into each others eyes and we're connected to each other... so deeply and fully, she's calling the shots and taking me impatiently and lustfully! I've never been propositioned this way by her, I'm always and still surprised by her overtures and we're lost and found in each other, possessed and reaching new heights of intimacy and pure ecstasy!

Our need for each other that night is so intense that we surpass making love... it's all wild-savage, animal-lust and mad-crazy-sex... and I explore every inch of her sensual body with my tongue, fingers and manhood!

We're so much in love and lust with each other... that time stands still! We both know we don't have days, like we used to, but we have hours and every single moment of it is ravaging, consuming, devouring and burning with passion and doused by pure carnal relief and release!

Every time I have to stop, she gives me room to breathe and _recoup_, but then again, she doesn't need a break between orgasms... that is _just_ so _so _**çok harika**!

We made love 4 times that night, I've fed her cake and wine, licked chocolate syrup and ate ice cream off her... hey, one needs his sustenance to keep up with the **savage **woman that he's created... just for me, all for me, forever!

That night, we surpass and transcend our meta-physical bodies and what we experience is deeply meditative, intimate and spiritual! It is the _most _purer and sacrament way of expressing our love, need, want and basal existential desire for each other!

Oh...and I counted a dozen orgasms for her...yes, I'm keeping count and double-digits is a great goal!

**Author's Note: **This is **truly **Can Divit, the husband and lover's POV and how he sees her with lust and love... and men do keep count! I deliberately stayed away from body part descriptions because it becomes a man's POV (vs husband or lover) and she gets objectified (as usual in most media).

I theorize that the 5-year marriage mark is when Can & Sanem start to emulate each others' characteristics. He becomes like her, more softer and empathetic, and she becomes more like him, sexually awakened and savage-adjacent!

In abstinence based cultures, the men may be sexually active before women and therefore more experienced. But it takes women a few years, even with someone like Can Divit, to shed their inhibitions & conditioning to become sexually **woke & lit**!

..

**Dear **_**Arkadaş,**_ I hope you enjoyed this part as much as I loved writing it ! Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _feel_ better (!?) and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **


	58. Born from the Heart: CaNem, April 2028

**Author's Request: It helps to read what I think is my best story "Loves of my Life" before reading this story - thanks in advance.**

**Please** **read** "**Bond like Lions**" **and** "**Moon Embracing the Sun**" to understand who Velu is and his relationship to Can Divit.

It's been a few years since I've seen my high school bestie Velu and we'll both be turning 40 years of age soon! My 30's have been the most life-altering and spectacular decade of my life... and it revolves around Sanem, our children, extended family and friends!

**...**

I've kept in touch with Velu regularly over the years... and it's been a pleasure to share and observe both our lives evolve over the years. We're both men who are happily and contently married to remarkable women who've defined and laid the path for our lives!

When I understand that Velu is visiting family in Europe, I would hear no reasons from him for not stopping over in Istanbul! He has to, I insist, at least spend a few days with us, get to know Sanem and the children, and I'd like to meet his wife and family! I'm so excited when his schedule allows it and we are all set to spend an extended weekend together! Being with someone whose known you since you were a teenager, and then seeing their life as an adult and parent, is going to be an interesting and fascinating experience! Now we're the people who say "Don't do that" or "No, that's not good for you" and being middle-aged at that will be significantly altered, in a great way!

**...**

Sanem and I have our 5 year old twins who are growing like weeds and our home is one rambunctious little castle! Little-man Aziz is outgoing, talkative, loud, animated, curious, distracted, over-sharing, an engineer at heart and overprotective of those he loves. Princess Soysal is quieter by comparison, emotional, sensitive, reserved, hugs, loves and connects deeply, enjoys the outdoors and is totally creative. Together they share such a strong twin bond, sometimes they communicate without even talking to each other and it's fascinating to watch their relationship dynamics. All in all, I think, they are a perfect blend of Sanem and I!

After her difficult pregnancy, call it Darwinian, but we've been unable to get pregnant again! Hey, not for a lack of trying, that too really **really **hard at times, and wow do we have the greatest fun trying to make a baby!?

I call it providence, know and pray that it's because her body and heart won't be able to handle it... and it's enough for me that we've been blessed in every single way and every single moment of our lives! But I've always wondered with trepidation about her wanting a larger family... 4 children to be exact, as is my duty and calling in life, I've felt myself a bit, though only a little bit, of a failure in not being able to fulfill her wish!

**...**

We're ready to receive Velu and his family and our home is bustling with activity getting ready for our friendly guests! I can't wait a minute longer than I have to and rush to the airport to bring them home.

Velu's arrived with his wife, Jaya and his 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls, aged 11 to 5 years old, and we are one happy, loud and gregarious bunch, just hanging out at home and getting acquainted with each other. I realize from a wedding invite I received about 7 or 8 years ago that there's a story to be heard about their oldest child; but I'm not one to impose and I'm sure Velu will share the details when he's ready!

The children become fast friends and are running around playing, sharing toys, sparing occasionally, delightfully disturbing and interrupting our conversations! Sanem and Jaya instantly connect and are in their element; as we reminisce, they listen to us , now grown men, talk about our childhood memories, who did what, where, when, how we got in and out of trouble and all the drama that came with it!

Seeing us all together is a surreal experience for me and if someone had told me this is how my life will be in 10 years, I wouldn't have believed them! I have the love that I coveted, the joy that I had hoped, the care that I can give and all of the things that I didn't even think of asking for in life, granted to me in abundance!

Seeing Velu, for some reason, brings home that fact for me as though it wasn't clear to me before. But hey, that's been my thing with Velu - he always highlights a truth within me that I've always known!

**...**

We've been having the most perfect few days with each others' families, sightseeing in Istanbul, spent time at the mountain hut and generally getting to know each other again! Oh, now our friends party also includes Akif, his wife and their 3 children, Metin, his pregnant fiancé and their child. So all in all, there are 8 adults watching over 9 children and a half, and we're starting to be seriously outnumbered and outwitted!

But us 4 still feel like time has stood still between us and we are able to converse and discuss all the topics under the sun like we did in the early days, boys to men and brothers for life!

**...**

It's evening, Velu and I are hanging out in the courtyard having a drink and reminiscing yet again and talking about our futures!

Suddenly, we hear a loud shriek and wailing from the children who are playing in the garden nearby. Before I could react, Velu is up and running towards the children. I catch up to him as he reaches his youngest daughter who is lying on the ground, her whole body convulsing badly! I am shocked at the scene, but seeing Velu calm and collected, makes me realize that it's not his first time witnessing that incident. I quickly recover and gather the rest of the children and take them to the media room to distract them. "Finding Nemo" has been on repeat for the last few days and so I turn on the TV and give Velu's oldest son firm instructions to keep everyone there until an adult comes to get them!

**...**

In the meantime, Sanem and Jaya have joined Velu and they've moved the child to the divan and she's passed out from the seizure. Velu is holding the child in his lap and an ominous silence descends upon us!

...

A few hours later the young girl is up and running, literally, like nothing had happened, so that's all good! Sensing our distress, Velu proceeds to tell us a bit of the history of the child, and his children. Truth is, they don't have medical or family history on any of them! Why I ask... and it's because they're all adopted! I am speechless, Sanem too!

I recall how seeing him 20 years ago was a turning point in my life in more ways than one. I had started my philanthropic photography journey surrounding the stories of the children orphaned by the civil war in Sri Lanka. My dear dear friend Velu and his beloved Jaya were so heartbroken by their plight that they decided to adopt two orphaned sibling pairs and raise them as their own! Looking at them, there's no way for anyone to decipher that they're not biologically related as this bond is born of their heart and spirit!

**...**

I instinctively look at Sanem, like I always do, when processing something new, unknown and nebulous, and her answering look always _**always **_gives me clarity! This moment is no different and I can read her mind like it were my own!

**...**

Velu and his clan say goodbye to us and are off on their journey and we promise each other to meet more often, next time in Sri Lanka, he makes me promise!

**...**

The children are fed, tired, read and in bed falling asleep! Our home is enjoying a rare moment of quiet and Sanem finds me in the atelier processing photos of our gatherings of the last few days. I smell her essence before she's near me, she curls into my arms as she always does, and looks at me with her "Kiss me, NOW" look! Oh man... I'd never ever tire of that look on her face... it's a siren's call to body, mind, heart & soul! I kiss her passionately and she opens herself to me, but just briefly, and then breaks the kiss!

S: Caan... We need to talk!

C: Yes, my love, what is it?

S: Were you thinking what I was thinking?

... I'd like to hear her say the words ...

C: Hmm...

S: I _**still**_ want a large family and 4 kids... are you up for it?

... I am riveted in my spot and rapt in attention for what she's about to say ...

S: That was so beautiful to see... Velu, Jaya and the kids!

C: Hmm... and?

S: Shall we... adopt?

** .LOVE!**

C: Anything you want, my love...my one and only, anything and everything for you! Let's do it!

**Author's Note: ** I hope I did this story justice! If there are two people in the world who have that benevolent heart, they are Sanem & Can. But we can't wait for them to get there already!

**I hope you enjoyed this part! Please follow, vote, comment and provide feedback! As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR ?**

Are you wondering who Martha & Jonathan Kent are? They're the parents of Clark Kent aka Superman!


	59. Once an Albatross…!: Sanem, March 2032

**Author's Note:** Does a **tiger** alter its stripes or a **leopard** change its spots?! Even more interestingly, do we really change who we are **inborn**?

**"**Women hope **Men **will change after marriage, but they _**don't**_; Men hope **Women** won't change, but they _**do**_! " - **Is this cliché true?**

**This story is from Sanem Divit's POV! **

**...**

Can and I celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary with family and friends, a grand feast, exuberant fanfare and spectacular fireworks!

My life is full, complete, perfect, çok harika, and as he says it "baya baya iyi" !

I'm the girl who has it all : a loving and close-knit family with parents, sister and friends, our kids, our home, our agency, our careers, a **can**'t-live-without-me-family of my own, and die-for-each-other-every-single-moment craving, passion, lust and love for my man and soulmate Can, my Jaan, Divit!

I have everything that I need, want and ever desired in life... and I am in**can**descently happy!

After all our guests have left, the children had fallen asleep after partying too much, we carry them to their beds, tuck them in and kiss them goodnight!

...

Our home is usually only quiet at nights and we walk holding hands to our bedroom. Suddenly he lifts me, cradles me in his arms and starts kissing me passionately! Something about that kiss reminded me of our wedding night from all those years ago... and the need, want and energy between us is more intense than ever! He blows my mind, body and soul to smithereens... I'm ecstatically shattered and created anew every time he makes love!

I **can** read him, crystal clear, like a book, but this night something is different, he's more desperate, urgent and trying to prove something. Of course, I let him be him! In that moment, I stay present, relish his passion and everything that he has to share and we reaffirm our love for each other over and over and over again!

...

As the night progresses to dawn, I'm wrapped in him but unable to sleep. My gut instinct is telling me that he's trying to tell me something that I don't already know! My first thought runs to "Is it a goodbye?". The abject panic and fear I feel in that moment is debilitating, paralyses me in bed, tears are pouring involuntarily and I'm unable to move or breathe.

Can, even while asleep, is tuned to what is happening with me. My sudden stiffness, lack of warmth, or may be I actually stopped breathing, wakes him up and he looks into my eyes. As he sees the tears, he's fully awake to me and tries to pull me even closer to himself, all the while asking, "My Love, what's wrong? Are you okay?" ... kisses... "What's wrong Love?" ...kisses... Hearing his concerned and worry-laden voice relaxes me a bit and I formulate a response "I'm okay... **can** you get me some water?"

He gets me the glass of water from the night stand and lifts me up so I **can** drink. I get calmer by every sip I take and realize that the panic is all very much in my mind, it may not be real at all. I was probably in a half-awake-half-asleep state and had a bad dream! He's waiting for me to say more to reassure him that I'm alright... and I give him a weak smile! "I had a bad dream, that's all, I'm okay now", I tell him and he heaves a huge sigh of relief and kisses me on the forehead and inhales my essence!

But I still have that niggling feeling, like a bad after taste, that something is not entirely right! Before I could ask him a question, the children come running into the bedroom and jump onto the bed... the adorable chaos and joyful ruckus of the day begins again!

...

...

A few days have passed since my faux-dream, it's early evening, Can and I are alone at home. The children are with Huma, yes that Huma, they're having a day out with their grandma! Huma and Can still have a frosty relationship and he tolerates her as he'd like the children to know her. The same way Can tolerates her, Huma tolerates me! We're not ladies who lunch or have drinks together, but we have a transactional relationship. Unlike before, she respects me, maintains her boundaries and our relationship is cordial and formal. But I have to acknowledge that Huma is trying to makeup for being a shitty mother by being a great grandma!

I observe him from the kitchen as I prepare our Chai. He's seated on the deck chair reading a book, dressed casually, biceps bulging, still very hot and handsome, making me hot and bothered... I **can't **believe he's 44 years old... and all of him, he's still mine! My ogling turns to observation when I realize that he's actually not reading the book... but that his mind had wandered to anywhere but here! He's staring into the far and distant horizon... and that melancholic look he has on his face turns the warm blood in my veins stone cold!

I take a deep breath to calm myself and walk towards him resolute on finding out what is on his mind. He cracks a blooming smile when we sees me and reaches for the Chai tray. He places it safely on the side table and pulls me by hand to sit on his lap. We're nose to nose to each other... and he starts to kiss me passionately! I could get lost for ages, and never mind not being found, in his kisses... but something is bothering him and therefore, I'm bothered by it.

I reluctantly break the kiss and look into his cloudy brown eyes. The words come in a flurry and so here goes nothing:

S "Caan, what's wrong?... Something is wrong... I **can** feel it, you have to tell me! "

As I say the words an involuntary sobs escapes me... and the tears start to flow. He is shocked by my reaction but recovers quickly.

C: "My love... don't panic..." kisses "look, I'm here, alright?"

S: "But something is wrong, isn't it? Please tell me... tell me now! Is it someone else? Have you fallen in love with someone else?"

He guffaws at my assertion and laughs out loudly!

C: "Wow... you women, you're all alike! I'm distracted and you think I'm cheating on you! Gerçekten?"

... He forcibly, loudly and wetly kisses me on the lips...

C: "Bébé, come on...you know me better than that, you're my life, my love, mother of my children, my soulmate!"

Hearing his words lifts this heavy weight from my body... and I feel feather light! But I know there is something else...!

S: "Tell me... what's wrong then?"

He pauses, collects himself and starts to share what's on his mind... and there's a lot on it!

...

My Caan, my one and only Albatross, and akin to the true Albatross, he's spirited, nomadic, monogamous and an explorer at heart! I naturally assumed that he was a wanderer because he was searching for something in his life, but that's not the entirety of the truth. His passions are photography and philanthropy, but he's also immersed in wanderlust!

So what does that mean really? He's interested in pursuing projects similar to the ones he did before we met... capturing human interest stories, wildlife photography, living in dangerous countries, and generally being away weeks and months at a time. Oh well... it appears that I actually got what I wished for in life : a true Albatross and I have clipped his wings and caged him at home!

Now, he didn't _**actually**_ **say** all of these things... but that's me **reading** the **tea leaves! **

**...**

I have listened to him talk for the last few minutes, still seated on his lap and held by him, and I'm shocked, confused and unable to make a coherent sentence! So I say the first thing that pops in my head...

S: "So you want to leave me...?"

He's dumbstruck by my question...

C: "Sevgilim, Janam Sevgilim... is that what you heard from what I said?"

Before I react, his lips are on me and he's coaxing me to open to him. The way he kisses me, deeply and possessively, alleviates and obliterates any doubt I have in my mind about his commitment to me... and the children!

C: "My Love... Aziz & Soysal are the same age as I was when Huma abandoned me! Do you think I'll do that to them... to you?... What are you thinking, silly woman?!"

I'm still dazed by that kiss and his words are music to my ears! So, that's none of that cheating, leaving me, us, nonsense then!

C: "Wherever I want to go, to be, my state of existence begins and ends with you, my one and only... so know this : I'm not going anywhere without you and the children! "

...

This is the status quo: we love our mahalle, our families, friends and careers. We have built a home and a life here... and we're a young and growing family! Can's utmost fear is uprooting me and the children away from our ecosystem of loving grandparents, extended family and friends, all to follow his dreams in life. But, his dreams are our dreams, I reassure him... and home for me and us is where he is, always and forever!

I tell him having the kids is one chapter in our life and now that they're older, may be we should start an exciting chapter and begin a new adventure! Our family and friends are just that, family and friends, and they'll be here for us, love us and support us in all our endeavors!

Traveling together as a family, we will have unique and enriching experiences, learn about new cultures, immerse ourselves in nature and do philanthropic work! The children will be exposed to social causes, learn consciousness and responsibilities, and most of all, we'll make it all the greatest fun! They enjoy camping with us now... and this'll be like being in an extended and longer duration camp!

Can has specific concerns about how the children will adapt to a nomadic lifestyle. I realize that I'm the most prepared for this than he is... and reassure him again that children are tenacious and we'll teach them to adapt, evolve, learn and grow in life! I ask him if he had fun traveling on his own as a young adult... and to imagine what an experience of a lifetime it'll be for them... and us together!

...

We both agree that we'll start small, closer to home and then expand as we go! For a family like ourselves with young children, we decide that it'll be better to take our _**home**_ with us. So off we go, shopping for a motor home for our family!

...

**So the Divit Rookery of Albatross' start an adventure of a lifetime!**

**Author's Note: **According to most **personality** type theories, the individual's type is inborn and does not **change**. However, individuals **can** develop traits and habits that differ or even directly contradict the description of their type.

**"**Women hope **Men **will change after marriage, but they _**don't**_; Men hope **Women** won't change, but they _**do**_! " - **The twist on the cliche is that Sanem is aware Can has evolved but he has not changed who he is and Sanem is changing to adapt to him! **

From my observation women tend to adapt and evolve... because we have to and there's hope yet for the Divit clan!

**So, what is a Rookery?** It's a collection of rooks' nests, the breeding place or large colony of sea birds including the Albatross.

**Dear **_**Arkadaş,**_ I hope you enjoyed this part as much as I loved writing it ! Thanks for **voting** in advance... but I also need to **hear** from you - **feedback** is paramount to make me write better, _feel_ better (!?) and it's encouraging to hear those words!

**As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!**

**Xoxo, DR **


	60. Eden's Garden : April 2050

It's morning... I'm waking up to light diffusing through the billowy curtains, the birds are chirping eagerly & I've had a restful sleep. Half-awake, I search the bed for her and realize her side is empty. I roll over to her side and her fragrance immediately overpowers, arouses, soothes and comforts me...all at the same time!

"_**Sanem**_..." I call out loudly. No answer. I slowly sit up and it takes a bit of effort and I feel my aging body. She's missing from the bed, but there's a cup of Chai on the nightstand. I realize that it's freshly brewed, Our morning ritual, having Chai _together_, except she is missing. I take a refreshing sip, savor the wonderful taste and her special way of making it.

Another sip to awaken all of my senses fully...and now I hear her. She's somewhere nearby, humming the beautiful tune for "**Bana ellerini ver** (Give me your hands)" and it sends me briefly back to our "**Kötü kral** (evil king)" moment from years ago! I'm effervescent with happiness... it's going to be a great day!

I spring out of bed eager to find her, hold her, talk to her...smell her and just missing her, _terribly_!

I walk out of the mountain cabin, that used to be my atelier, and now it's our _**forever dream home! **_I spot her in the garden, her own little bucolic paradise, my gift to her, where she grows her exotic wild flowers & underground ivy. It's spring and the garden is buzzing with new flowers, birds, bees and butterflies.

I approach her from behind and she is kneeling on the ground tending to the garden. She's as petite as the day I met her...but a bit frail nowadays. I can still wrap my arms around her entire body, so I do... and kiss her loudly on the cheeks.

She's surprised and lets out a loud scream...as though she's being attacked. I wait for her agitation to pass... but alas, she jerks out of my hug, stands up and is ready to attack me with the garden shovel.

"Who are you? My husband will be here any minute...so leave, NOW", she yells.

I back off, hands in the air and wait for her to calm down a bit. She's looking at me tentatively...and a few moments pass. I slowly step towards her and stroke her face with one hand...and wait for permission and recognition.

It's interesting what the mind forgets but the body remembers...she leans into my touch and reaches for me, and slowly curls herself into me.

"I'm sorry **Love**" she says.

I sigh and hug her back, strongly and more closely, as though I was bridging a nonexistent gap between us and forcing time to stand still.

My beloved, my one & only love, my wife of 30 years with her special eidetic mind has been slowly losing her memory... and it's my life's mission to make her relive our love & life, everyday!

_All_ is well in the world...it is going to be an _awesome_ day(baya iyi baya iyi cok harika) !


	61. Appendix : Appetite for Life

**Author's **_**Warning**_**: Hunger Ahead...get a healthy snack, **_**NOW**_**!**

We have worked really hard today... and I invited her to have dinner with me... as she's my special friend! We're tasting the greatest Palamida Anchovy Sandwiches at my favorite shindig by the water... and I knew she'd love it!

My heart _**breaks a little**_ when she says she hasn't tasted cuisines other than Turkish! It's such a shame, that a girl with an appetite for food and life such as her, hasn't had that opportunity!

In that moment... I realize what an honor and privilege, ebullience and elation it'll be to be _there _for her experiences, be with her, be there for her, and her be mine, in all of it!

_**Instinctively**_, I promise to take her around the world... and my inner voice quietly hums, hopes and prays that it'll happen... with me, to me, to us and for us!

Food is definitely a way to this woman's heart... after all, it was one of the ways I was able to foray and forge a path into her heart!

That evening, I reflect back on our culinary journey together!

For me, Chai represents home, Istanbul, morning, fresh and hope for the day! I need Chai to function in life...it's as simple as that!

..

What is the world coming to... fashionable "non-fat big latte" says Deren and I'm flabbergasted. To my surprise, the agency has gotten rid of Chai as there were no takers for it! I insist and Guliz makes it happen... and that's Chai for Two!

She's a little surprised that I like Chai, and me too that she likes Chai, it's apparently not fashionable for young women nowadays to be this salt, er Chai, of the earth!

I'm having a riotous 2 days in a row; there's the mystery kisser and now this innocent girl insulting me and then connecting with me over Chai... what a roller-coaster! And I can't take my eyes off her... so that's that!

We're walking by the bay, on what I think was our first unofficial date, and I ask her if she's hungry!

I tell her that I don't know many women in Istanbul who are hungry or drink Chai! And she retorts with "What sort of women do you know?" Hmmm... what sort of women do I know? None like her... that's for sure!

She's absolutely ravenous for the food... and her company is just as delightful and the conversation flows freely! We're just starting to know each other, but she has no qualms in trying the Tuscan Penne Pasta from my plate, she's just so natural, authentic and raw, it's so refreshing to be around her!

She's so beautiful and guileless that I could watch her all day... and feed her all day! But she is engaged to someone else... and that seems to not stop me or her! This is all new for me... what could this possibly mean?

I've invited everyone from work for an evening party at our place and I've promised to man the barbecue myself!

She's there dancing like nobody is watching her, I am acutely, and then she's ready for some food. She likes her barbecued meat with bread, a Döner Kebab Sandwich, just the way I like it! Hmmm... a girl after my own palette... and heart!

We've had our second unofficial date in Ağva, after I saved her from sliding off the cliff! I thank God I was there to save her... for I can't even imagine the alternative!

She's eating fish that smells mouthwatering with both her hands... and she's trepidatious that I won't like them because there's no cutlery. I smirk and shrug at her... that's not me sweetheart, and she knows me better than that!

I order myself a plate of the Sebzeli Sardalya, chargrilled sardines wrapped in vine leaves with tomatoes and peppers.

She senses that I'm hungry and decides to feed me off her plate. A girl has never eaten off my plate, let alone fed me her food... and I find it so endearing and feel very cherished... all at the same time!

Her hair is falling in her eyes and I can't resist the temptation to touch her... ! What is this girl doing to me?

I'm shooting her photos for the charity "Everyday Women" campaign and we're sailing on Tasir-Bey's boat near the Bosphorus bridge. He's made us the best Grilled Bosphorus Palamut and she's enjoying it so much... and watching her eat and relax is making me a bit brave!

..

We've had our first official fight... when I ask her about destiny and she asks me to leave her alone! Hmm... I am so shocked, saddened and disappointed... I can't figure her out, she's really slippery like an eel!

It's the first time I've take a girl to my mountain hut... and she truly is special to me!

..

I'm showcasing **all** of the skills and tools in my _**repertoire**_**! **We're having barbecued veal and I open my long-saved favorite bottle of wine, an Italian Barolo, from Bartolo Mascarello's vineyard.

The conversations with her always seems to flow very organically, the wine is helping tremendously, and she's becoming more open and less inhibitive around me.

It is so cute and hilarious when she calls delicious meat "Bebishko" ! Wow... I'm elevated by her compliment of my cooking and this is one of the greatest evenings and third unofficial faux-date of my life!

I'm thoroughly enjoying her company... and patting myself on the back on the idea to bring her here!

As I'm talking to her I realized that I've never actually cooked for a girl... at least not what the _**savage**_ in me likes to eat! I'm starting to see that part of her allure is the fact that she's a guy's girl... and doesn't have any stylish or pretentious eating habits!

We had almost kissed in the ocean... and its one of the most erotic and fulfilling moments of my life... even though we only _nearly_ kissed, she was in my arms ready and willingly and only that matters to me now!

I never imagined feeding somebody can be this enriching... and in her case I can coerce and coax her with food. She becomes soft and pliable like dough in my hands... and I love every bit of it!

** .GOD**... she's made Koftas and they're spicy and raw... she's such a terrible terrible, just _**terrible**_ cook!

I guess nobody's perfect... but hey, one look at her expectant and loving face, I realize that I'll eat rocks and drink poison if she serves it!

..

After that kiss... I go back for more raw Koftas! All I taste now is her, her lips, her essence and I'm consumed by all of her!

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my body... and I'm soaring free and joyously into the skies... like an Albatross! I couldn't have imagined a more perfect second kiss... and this time she knows who I am, wants me for who I am and kisses me passionately for who I am, _her_ **Albatross** and me, all in one Can Divit!

We're having an amazing official first date... it's actually two dates in one... one for her style and one for mine.

For hers, we're strolling hand in hand in the park, cuddling dogs and she's feeding me cotton candy...and it is so delicious tasting from her fingers!

For mine, I've setup a romantic bowery of flowers, flowing curtains and table for two in my backyard. With the help of my friend, and today my personal Chef Adem, there's a romantic dinner setup for us to enjoy!

Indeed Adem has gone all out for us and we're being treated to Goat Cheese Garden Salad, Grilled Turkey, Shrimp Fettuccine in Tomato Basil Sauce and an amazing bottle of a fabulous and special Cuvée Rosé... so symbolic of her and her essence!

I can see that she's preoccupied and there's something on her mind... and I can't bear not knowing what's bothering her. I tell her she's very beautiful, she blushes and relaxes a little... but she's still not her chirpy, bubbly and bashful self!

She's mentions Polen in her conversation... and I'm a bit shocked! Ah Polen... is that who is on her mind, she thinks I still have feelings for her?!

Oh no, sweetheart... it's all you, only you, forever! Is that what is bothering her? I need to speak to her, tell her I'm hers and ask her to be mine, NOW... not a moment to lose and I can't bear to have her thinking I'm not hers! I'm nervous, scared to death and yet extremely excited to tell her that I've fallen in love with her!

She's just told me that she loves me... and it's our first official date as a couple! I make her Pasta Carbonara and she empties an entire bottle of Merlot! I am incandescently happy that evening, we are starting to make plans and talk about the future! She says all she wants to be is in my arms, next to my heart and curls into me!

** .LOVE! **

I hope this is the first of many infinite nights she spends with me... forever!

I didn't think it was possible... but this girl, my girl, is a total experience for me! She's a treat to my stomach, assault on my body, takes over my mind, and oh my heart... she ravages, ravishes and riots with it!

And then there is Pizza in _**heaven**_!

As I feed her pizza, I tell her my vision for us... how I'd like to spend days on end, just with her, time standing still between us and the outside world nonexistent... just indulging in each other and in each others' arms!

I'm not a _Neanderthal_ expecting her to be a virgin while I'm not one! But I'm also a man, and even though I'll have her be mine anyway that I can, I acknowledge knowing I'll be her first, makes me feel pure, like she cleanses me with her innocence and purity!

I'm her first and only beloved, and beyond compare, that makes me me feel immensely content and duly consecrated!

I'll be her first everything...

I'll be the one she leaves the country with for the first time.

I'll be the one that treats her to the cuisines of the world.

I'll be the one cooking for her... and later tasting and devouring her!

I'll be the one to have her body, her pleasure and her essence, all to myself!

I'll be the one and only one she marries, loves and bares her soul to, forever!

**Author's Note:** Food is such a huge part of their relationship, so this an ode to that holistic experience of Erkenci Kus. The show has it all... romance, comedy, music, literature and food!

To complete it, Can Yaman, every time he looks at her, personally contributes to some global warming!

...

I hope you enjoyed this part! Please follow, vote, comment and provide feedback!

As always, I'm grateful for the your time and support!

Xoxo, DR


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